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Optima Health Services

Attach Together

A Courses , Education and Health & Fitness podcast

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About the show

Attached Together is a podcast exploring attachment theory, attachment styles, and psychotherapy in clinical practice. Created by the therapists and tutors at Optima Health Services, this podcast is for counsellors, psychotherapists, and mental health professionals who want grounded, thoughtful conversations about attachment, trauma, relationships, and everyday therapeutic work. Each episode examines how attachment shapes the way we love, cope, regulate, and connect - both in our personal lives and in the therapy room. Expect practical insights, reflective discussion, and training-level knowledge that bridges theory and practice without unnecessary jargon. Listeners can also receive a CPD certificate for each episode, making it easy to integrate ongoing professional development into your week while deepening your understanding of attachment-informed practice. Whether you’re working with anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment, supporting couples, or strengthening your clinical formulation skills, Attached Together offers thoughtful, experience-based conversations rooted in real therapeutic work.

Newest episodes

What Happens to Our Attachment Patterns When We’re in a Group?

29 min

What happens to attachment patterns when therapy moves from a one-to-one relationship into a group? In this episode of Attached Together, attachment-based psychotherapist and supervisor Georgina Sturmer is joined by psychotherapist, author and group facilitator Sarah Dosanjh, widely known as The Binge Eating Therapist. Drawing on Sarah’s experience of running therapy groups, support groups, courses and workshops, they explore attachment in group therapy and the extraordinary amount that can become visible when people are relating not only to a therapist, but to one another. Sarah describes the importance of creating a clear purpose for a group and preparing people for what participation will actually involve. She also shares one of the questions she asks new members: “Who are you in a group?” It is a deceptively simple question. People arrive in groups with a lifetime of experience of belonging, adapting, caregiving, staying quiet, taking up space, managing conflict and protecting themselves. For some of Sarah’s clients, people-pleasing and caregiving can create a warm and supportive group while also making it easier to focus on everyone else rather than themselves. The conversation explores what makes a therapy group different from a support group, including Sarah’s repeated invitation to notice what is happening internally even while somebody else is speaking. Georgina and Sarah also consider rupture and conflict, the therapist’s own reactions when tensions emerge, and the things that may remain unsaid when group members find disagreement difficult to tolerate. They look at the particular experience of online groups, boundaries around contact outside the group, and why an emotionally intimate connection created within therapy does not necessarily translate easily into friendship elsewhere. And then there are endings. Sarah describes what can happen when somebody announces that they are leaving: the group member whose immediate thought is, “Was it me?”, the differe...

When Culture and Faith Change the Attachment Story

35 min

What happens when attachment theory is applied without enough attention to culture, faith, migration, identity or power? In this episode of Attached Together, Optima lecturer, psychotherapist and supervisor Uruj Anjum is joined by Myira Khan, an award-winning accredited counsellor, supervisor, coach, trainer, author and founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network (MCAPN). Together, they explore attachment theory and culture through an anti-oppressive lens, asking what can be missed when ideas about secure attachment are applied too literally or through culturally dominant assumptions. Myira considers attachment as something shaped within a much broader relational world. What changes when a child grows up with several caregivers rather than one primary caregiver? How might migration, displacement, racism, Islamophobia or a changing sense of home affect experiences of safety, rejection and belonging? And what happens when therapists either fail to ask about identity at all, or focus so heavily on one part of a client’s identity that the rest of the person disappears from view? The conversation also explores culturally attuned therapy with Muslim clients. Myira challenges the assumption that sharing a faith identity makes people’s experiences of that faith the same, and discusses why clients should not have to become their therapist’s teacher on Islam, culture or identity. An ethical dilemma brings these ideas into the counselling room. If a Muslim client facing loss, infertility or a difficult diagnosis says they are “leaving it in Allah’s hands”, should a therapist understand this as avoidance? Or might faith be offering hope, security and an active way of relating to something beyond the client’s control? Rather than reaching too quickly for a label, Myira invites therapists to become curious about what the belief means to that individual and what their decision to come to therapy already tells us. The episode closes with a deceptively simple challe...

What Happens When We Start Getting Attached to AI?

28 min

What happens when an AI relationship starts to feel safer, easier or more dependable than a relationship with another person? In this episode of Attached Together, Jo, psychotherapist and clinical supervisor, is joined by Georgina Sturmer, an integrative attachment-based therapist, supervisor and lecturer in counselling and on Optima Attachment Training’s Level 5 Diploma. Their conversation looks at AI relationships and attachment from an unusually human angle. What begins with chatbots offering encouragement soon moves into AI companions, romantic partners and avatars designed to recreate people who have died. That raises some uncomfortable questions. If somebody can recreate the voice and characteristics of a person they have lost, could that support a continuing bond in grief - or make it harder to face the reality of the loss? And what happens when somebody creates an AI version of an ex-partner, or potentially even their therapist? The conversation considers why AI and attachment styles may be particularly interesting for therapists. Someone with anxious attachment might be drawn to the reassurance of something that is always available. Someone with avoidant attachment may find closeness easier when it does not require the same interpersonal vulnerability. For someone with disorganised attachment, the predictability of AI may offer relief from relationships that have previously felt chaotic or unsafe. Jo and Georgina also consider what AI cannot easily reproduce. Therapy is not simply about receiving empathic words. It involves two separate minds, embodied co-regulation, boundaries, misunderstanding, transference and countertransference - and the experience of rupture and repair. The episode introduces the provocative idea of AI becoming a “pseudo-secure base”: something that appears to offer reliable soothing and security while potentially leaving the person increasingly dependent on something that cannot participate in a reciprocal human relationship....

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All episodes

What Happens to Our Attachment Patterns When We’re in a Group?

29 min

What happens to attachment patterns when therapy moves from a one-to-one relationship into a group? In this episode of Attached Together, attachment-based psychotherapist and supervisor Georgina Sturmer is joined by psychotherapist, author and group facilitator Sarah Dosanjh, widely known as The Binge Eating Therapist. Drawing on Sarah’s experience of running therapy groups, support groups, courses and workshops, they explore attachment in group therapy and the extraordinary amount that can become visible when people are relating not only to a therapist, but to one another. Sarah describes the importance of creating a clear purpose for a group and preparing people for what participation will actually involve. She also shares one of the questions she asks new members: “Who are you in a group?” It is a deceptively simple question. People arrive in groups with a lifetime of experience of belonging, adapting, caregiving, staying quiet, taking up space, managing conflict and protecting themselves. For some of Sarah’s clients, people-pleasing and caregiving can create a warm and supportive group while also making it easier to focus on everyone else rather than themselves. The conversation explores what makes a therapy group different from a support group, including Sarah’s repeated invitation to notice what is happening internally even while somebody else is speaking. Georgina and Sarah also consider rupture and conflict, the therapist’s own reactions when tensions emerge, and the things that may remain unsaid when group members find disagreement difficult to tolerate. They look at the particular experience of online groups, boundaries around contact outside the group, and why an emotionally intimate connection created within therapy does not necessarily translate easily into friendship elsewhere. And then there are endings. Sarah describes what can happen when somebody announces that they are leaving: the group member whose immediate thought is, “Was it me?”, the differe...

When Culture and Faith Change the Attachment Story

35 min

What happens when attachment theory is applied without enough attention to culture, faith, migration, identity or power? In this episode of Attached Together, Optima lecturer, psychotherapist and supervisor Uruj Anjum is joined by Myira Khan, an award-winning accredited counsellor, supervisor, coach, trainer, author and founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network (MCAPN). Together, they explore attachment theory and culture through an anti-oppressive lens, asking what can be missed when ideas about secure attachment are applied too literally or through culturally dominant assumptions. Myira considers attachment as something shaped within a much broader relational world. What changes when a child grows up with several caregivers rather than one primary caregiver? How might migration, displacement, racism, Islamophobia or a changing sense of home affect experiences of safety, rejection and belonging? And what happens when therapists either fail to ask about identity at all, or focus so heavily on one part of a client’s identity that the rest of the person disappears from view? The conversation also explores culturally attuned therapy with Muslim clients. Myira challenges the assumption that sharing a faith identity makes people’s experiences of that faith the same, and discusses why clients should not have to become their therapist’s teacher on Islam, culture or identity. An ethical dilemma brings these ideas into the counselling room. If a Muslim client facing loss, infertility or a difficult diagnosis says they are “leaving it in Allah’s hands”, should a therapist understand this as avoidance? Or might faith be offering hope, security and an active way of relating to something beyond the client’s control? Rather than reaching too quickly for a label, Myira invites therapists to become curious about what the belief means to that individual and what their decision to come to therapy already tells us. The episode closes with a deceptively simple challe...

What Happens When We Start Getting Attached to AI?

28 min

What happens when an AI relationship starts to feel safer, easier or more dependable than a relationship with another person? In this episode of Attached Together, Jo, psychotherapist and clinical supervisor, is joined by Georgina Sturmer, an integrative attachment-based therapist, supervisor and lecturer in counselling and on Optima Attachment Training’s Level 5 Diploma. Their conversation looks at AI relationships and attachment from an unusually human angle. What begins with chatbots offering encouragement soon moves into AI companions, romantic partners and avatars designed to recreate people who have died. That raises some uncomfortable questions. If somebody can recreate the voice and characteristics of a person they have lost, could that support a continuing bond in grief - or make it harder to face the reality of the loss? And what happens when somebody creates an AI version of an ex-partner, or potentially even their therapist? The conversation considers why AI and attachment styles may be particularly interesting for therapists. Someone with anxious attachment might be drawn to the reassurance of something that is always available. Someone with avoidant attachment may find closeness easier when it does not require the same interpersonal vulnerability. For someone with disorganised attachment, the predictability of AI may offer relief from relationships that have previously felt chaotic or unsafe. Jo and Georgina also consider what AI cannot easily reproduce. Therapy is not simply about receiving empathic words. It involves two separate minds, embodied co-regulation, boundaries, misunderstanding, transference and countertransference - and the experience of rupture and repair. The episode introduces the provocative idea of AI becoming a “pseudo-secure base”: something that appears to offer reliable soothing and security while potentially leaving the person increasingly dependent on something that cannot participate in a reciprocal human relationship....

What Do Our Dreams Reveal? Attachment, Relationships & the Therapy Room

31 min

Dreams can reveal parts of a client’s inner world that are not always easy to reach through conversation alone. Through attachment theory, they may offer clues about attachment styles, relationships and what a client expects when they feel vulnerable or need someone. In this episode of The Attach Together Podcast, Jane is joined by Gav McKee to explore attachment dreams in therapy. Rather than treating dreams as puzzles to decode, Gav looks at the relationships within them: who is there when the client is frightened, what happens when they need help, and whether others feel available, distant or unsafe. The conversation explores how anxious, avoidant and disorganised attachment may appear in dream themes, while avoiding fixed interpretations. Gav also shares practical ways therapists can work with dream material with curiosity, without imposing meaning. You'll hear about: • Retelling a dream in the present tense • Listening for emotions and relational patterns • Exploring significant figures through an IFS-informed lens • Experimenting with different perspectives within a dream • Working with unfinished or recurring dreams • Noticing what happens when the therapist appears in the client's dream • Recognising possible shifts towards earned secure attachment Gav also considers how dreams may change during therapy. A client who once faced everything alone might begin asking for help. Someone may arrive when they're distressed. A frightening figure may lose some of its threat. We can't treat those changes as proof of earned security, but they may give us another glimpse of an internal working model beginning to shift. The episode closes with a clinical dilemma: what happens when a recurring dream is so frightening that talking about it overwhelms the client? However rich the material may be, there are times when exploration needs to wait. If a client is becoming dysregulated, our first task is to offer enough relational safety for them to remain present. Gav desc...

Attachment Theory Beyond the Parent-Child Relationship

27 min

Attachment theory child therapy looks beyond a child’s behaviour to the relationships and systems around them. In this episode of Attach Together, Georgina Sturmer and child and adolescent psychotherapist Alix Hearn explore attachment, play, intergenerational patterns, place and therapeutic relationships. What is a systemic approach to attachment?A systemic approach to attachment looks at the relationships, histories and environments surrounding a child, rather than locating difficulty within the child alone. Alix explores how family, education, culture, trauma and wider systems can shape a child’s experience, drawing on Bronfenbrenner’s ecological model to support attachment-informed formulation. In this episodeGeorgina and Alix explore: Why attachment needs to be understood relationally and systemicallyThe limitations of focusing solely on a child’s behaviourIntergenerational attachment patterns and traumaTherapeutic relationships with parents and carersPlay as a language of relationship in child therapyAttachment, belonging and the “more-than-human world”Place attachment and physical environmentsChildren’s agency and choice in therapyHow systems can recreate relational difficultiesThe ethics of very short-term therapeutic workAlix also raises an important clinical question: when a child has experienced repeated loss, disruption or relational trauma, is offering six sessions necessarily better than offering no therapy at that point? Might supporting an adult or another part of the child’s wider system sometimes be more appropriate? The discussion leaves space for practitioners to think about these questions rather than suggesting a universal answer. Common questionsWhat is attachment theory in child therapy? Attachment theory in child therapy helps us consider how experiences of safety, connection, separation and relationships may shape how a child relates to themselves and others. How do attachment styles affect relationships? Attachment patterns can influence ex...

Attachment & Burnout: Why Therapists Keep Going When They’re Running on Empty

44 min

Attachment and burnout in therapy raises an uncomfortable question: why can therapists be so good at noticing distress in other people, yet struggle to recognise when they’re becoming depleted themselves? In this episode of The Attachment in Practice Podcast, Wendy Widdrington is joined by counsellor, couple therapist and supervisor Phil Pinchen to explore attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy through the lens of therapist burnout. And there’s a personal reason for the conversation. After Wendy and Phil spent months researching attachment and burnout as part of their Level 7 work, Phil gently wondered whether Wendy herself might be experiencing some burnout. Her internal response was essentially: Absolutely not. I’m coping very well, thank you. So why can burnout be so difficult to recognise — and even harder to admit? In this episode• What burnout can actually look like in therapists • Attachment styles and different responses to stress • Why “I’m fine” can sometimes deserve another question • People-pleasing, striving and self-reliance • Losing the energy or “spark” that normally makes us feel like ourselves • Finding your personal “stress signature” • Wendy’s “work-joy ratio” question • Why supervision can protect against professional isolation • Creating enough safety to have courageous conversations about burnout A question to take into supervisionWhat is your stress signature? How would somebody who knows you well recognise that you were becoming stressed? Would you become quieter? More irritable? Work longer? Worry more about clients? Withdraw? Stop doing the things that normally restore you? Attachment-informed therapy isn’t only about understanding our clients. Sometimes the attachment lens can help us become more curious about ourselves. Questions we exploreCan attachment styles affect therapist burnout? Attachment strategies may influence how we respond to stress and whether we seek support, over-function or withdraw. Wendy and P...

Attachment and EMDR: What Happens When the Processing Gets Stuck?

27 min

How do attachment styles and relationships influence EMDR and trauma therapy? In this episode, Jo Oxley and attachment and relationship therapist Jo Bealey explore EMDR and attachment therapy through the lens of relational safety — particularly what may be happening when trauma processing becomes “stuck”. EMDR and attachment therapy can be understood as the integration of trauma processing with attention to the attachment strategies, internal working models and relational expectations that a client brings into the therapeutic relationship. Clients with preoccupied attachment may need to explain and stay connected while processing, while those with avoidant tendencies may prefer less disclosure — raising questions about relational safety, self-reliance and the urge to “just get it done”. Jo O and Jo B also consider the therapist. What happens when processing stops and the therapist begins to wonder: Have I done something wrong? Have I chosen the wrong target? Should I rescue the process? Rather than seeing stuckness simply as a problem to overcome, an attachment-informed approach invites curiosity about what it may be communicating. In this episode:How attachment styles can shape the experience of EMDRCore beliefs as possible expressions of internal working modelsWhy relational safety may be important before trauma processingAnxious/preoccupied and avoidant strategies during EMDRWhat “stuck” processing might communicateTherapist attachment responses, shame and the impulse to rescueGrief, loss and developing a more coherent storyUsing supervision to explore what is being co-createdBuilding a secure relational base when safety has rarely been experiencedChapters00:16 Welcome to Attached Together 01:44 EMDR through an attachment lens 04:17 Core beliefs and internal working models 06:27 Avoidant attachment and “just processing it” 09:11 Creating relational safety 12:27 When processing opens other memories 14:48 Attachment wounds, grief and mourning 18:08 The therapist’...

Attachment and Adoption: Beyond the “Lucky” Narrative

22 min

Attachment and adoption in therapy requires an understanding of attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and the ways early separation may emerge within counselling. In this episode of Attached Together, Georgina speaks with attachment-focused psychotherapist Jane about working therapeutically with adults impacted by adoption. Jane trained alongside Georgina on the Optima Level 5 course and now works in private practice, predominantly with adults affected by adoption. She brings both clinical knowledge and lived experience as an adoptee. In this episodeJane and Georgina explore: How adoption practices have changed over timeWhy there is no single adoptee attachment styleAnxious, avoidant and disorganised attachment strategiesIdentity, belonging and genetic mirroringGrief, anger and the pressure to feel “lucky”Push-pull dynamics in the therapy relationshipBody-based regulation and “adoption overwhelm”The importance of carefully managed breaks and endingsTherapist self-awareness, competence and supervisionAdoption is not one experience. Some adult adoptees may fear abandonment and seek reassurance, while others may protect themselves through emotional distance, self-sufficiency or withdrawal. Attachment and adoption in therapy therefore requires curiosity rather than assumptions. The conversation also considers how missing family stories, early disruption and the absence of genetic mirroring may affect identity. Because some experiences originate before language, clients may communicate them through bodily states, metaphors or relational patterns rather than a clear narrative. Common questionsWhat is adoption trauma?Adoption trauma refers to the emotional or relational impact that separation, loss, disrupted caregiving and identity uncertainty may have on an adopted person. Not every adoptee will use this term, so therapists should follow the client’s language. How can adoption affect attachment styles?Early separation, neglect, trauma or changes of caregive...

Attachment-Informed Therapy for Neurodivergent Parents: Why “Good Parenting” Can Look Different

28 min

In this episode of Attach Together, Joanne Kay is joined by Lyn Coombs and Alison Cunningham to explore what therapists need to understand when working with parents of neurodivergent children. Attachment-informed therapy for neurodivergent parents is an approach that offers relational safety, curiosity and non-judgement while helping parents explore their own emotional needs, attachment responses and experiences of caregiving. The conversation considers how parents can become highly attuned to sensory, emotional and behavioural cues that others may not notice. This attunement can become a strength, but it may also leave parents feeling as though they are constantly anticipating difficulties, managing risk or “firefighting”. In this episode, you will hear about:Why believing a parent’s experience is clinically importantHow societal judgement can become internalised as shameThe difference between loving a child and enjoying every part of parentingWhy parents may grieve expectations without rejecting their childHow neurodivergent parenting can affect partners, siblings and wider relationshipsWhy talking about the child may be a necessary starting point in therapyHow therapists can notice body language, dysregulation and unspoken emotionThe importance of allowing anger, guilt, pride, grief and love to coexistHow attachment-informed therapy for neurodivergent parents can provide a secure, accepting baseGuestsLyn Coombs is an attachment-based and person-centred counsellor specialising in bereavement, domestic abuse and work with parents of neurodivergent children and carers. Alison Cunningham is an integrative counsellor who works with young people, including those with care experience, and with neurodivergent people. Common questionsHow can therapy support parents of neurodivergent children?Therapy can offer a place where parents do not need to minimise, edit or justify their experiences. It can help them identify their own feelings, needs and attachment responses while...

Attachment Ruptures in Therapy: What If Getting It Wrong Is Where Healing Begins?

28 min

Attachment rupture and repair sits at the heart of attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy. But what happens when a client feels misunderstood, rejected or even judged by their therapist? In this episode of Attached Together, attachment-based psychotherapist Uruj Anjum is joined by Gav, an attachment-based and IFS-trained therapist, to explore why ruptures are not a sign that therapy has failed. In fact, when they are recognised and repaired, they can become some of the most meaningful moments in the therapeutic relationship. A missed detail. A difficult question. A cancelled session. A boundary that feels like rejection. These moments may seem small, but for a client with a history of abandonment, criticism or emotional disconnection, they can reactivate much older attachment wounds. Together, Uruj and Gav discuss how therapists can notice these shifts, stay present when things feel uncomfortable, and respond without becoming defensive or rushing to make everything feel better. Attachment rupture and repair is the process of recognising a break in emotional connection and working together to restore safety, trust and understanding. You will hear why secure attachment is not built through perfect attunement, but through repeated experiences of disconnection followed by repair. The conversation also explores how clients may internalise shame when conflict has never been safely resolved, and how therapy can offer a different experience: one in which hurt can be expressed without the relationship ending. The episode includes a powerful ethical dilemma: What do you say when a client tells you, “I felt judged by you last week”? Gav considers how therapists can hold two truths at once: that they may not have intended to judge the client, while also taking the client’s experience seriously. In this episodeWhy rupture is inevitable in meaningful therapeutic relationshipsHow attachment styles shape responses to boundaries and misunderstandingThe link...

Attachment and Couple Conflict: Why the Argument Is Never Just the Argument

37 min

CPD Certificate Attachment theory helps us understand how attachment styles shape relationships, particularly when conflict enters the therapy or counselling room. In this episode of Attach Together, Jo is joined by relationship counsellor Jane Brown to explore affect regulation in couples therapy and what happens when two activated attachment systems meet. Affect regulation is the capacity to notice, evaluate and manage emotional experience and its expression without becoming overwhelmed. For couples, difficulties with affect regulation can quickly become a familiar dance. One partner pursues connection. The other withdraws. Both may be dysregulated, both are protecting something, and the argument in front of the therapist is rarely only about the bins, the phone or who forgot what. Jo and Jane reflect on how attachment trauma and early relational experiences can shape these cycles, and why slowing the process down is often more useful than searching for an immediate solution. In this episode, we explore:• The pursuer–distancer dynamic through attachment theory • Why both partners may be dysregulated during conflict • The therapist's own affect regulation and the urge to fix • Somatic awareness and connection check-ins • Rupture, repair and co-regulation in relationships • Helping each partner take responsibility for self-regulation • Connection rituals, positive safe words and playful experiences • The window of tolerance and psychoeducation • Working with escalation in online couples therapy • Remaining a secure base for both partners Jane shares practical interventions she uses in affect regulation in couples therapy, including asking couples to rate connection, noticing what greater connection would look like in the room, and creating a planned safe-word strategy for moments when either partner moves outside their window of tolerance. The conversation also considers the therapist's position. How do we observe the couple's dance without stepping onto the dance f...

Attachment and Creative Approaches in Therapy: Working Beyond Words

25 min

CPD Certificate In this episode, Georgina Sturmer and Darren look at creativity through the lens of attachment theory, asking how play, metaphor and objects can open up the work without overwhelming the client. Creative work is much broader than drawing or painting. A game of Uno, a collection of stones, visual cards, nesting dolls or a shared metaphor may give a client another way to show us something about their internal world. Creative approaches in therapy use play, imagery, metaphor, sensory experience or physical objects to support emotional exploration and communication. For some clients, talking can feel pressured. They may worry about saying the wrong thing, getting their story right or naming an emotion accurately. Creative work can sometimes soften that pressure and bring us closer to felt experience. In this episode, we explore:Creativity beyond pens, paper and paintPlay, the inner child and pre-verbal experienceUsing games to support connectionStones, visual cards and sand tray workShame and the fear of getting creativity “wrong”Avoidant attachment and creative workDrawing with the non-dominant handNoticing rather than interpretingNesting dolls and attachment metaphorsCreative approaches in online therapyThe swimming pool metaphorCreativity in supervisionTherapist enthusiasm, pacing and relational safetyCreativity and Attachment-Informed TherapyA client’s response to creativity can tell us something about the process between us. Some clients may engage quickly. Others may become hesitant, embarrassed or self-critical. For clients with more avoidant attachment tendencies, creative work may initially feel unfamiliar or exposing. The task is not to push through that hesitation. It is to notice it. Creative work can be useful when a client feels stuck, struggles to find language or seems unsure how to use the therapy space. But the intervention should remain in service of the client, rather than the therapist’s enthusiasm for a particular approach. Common...

Attachment Parenting Repair, Good Enough Parenting & the Pressure to Get It Right

46 min

This bonus episode of Attach Together feels different from our usual conversations. Kiah, who edits the podcast and works alongside Darren and the Optima team, joins not as a clinical host, but as a parent of two young children. After listening back to previous episodes, she brings a question many parents may quietly recognise: Am I getting this wrong? Together, Kiah and Darren explore attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy through the everyday realities of parenting: screen time, guilt, tiredness, dinner-time battles, social media pressure, and the hope that repair may matter more than perfection. Attachment parenting repair means noticing when something has gone wrong between parent and child, and finding a way back into connection. The episode returns to the idea of “good enough” parenting. Children do not need perfect attunement all the time. They need enough moments of being seen, soothed, enjoyed and returned to. For counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and therapy trainees, this conversation also asks something important: when we talk about attachment-informed practice, does our language help parents feel more reflective, or more ashamed? In this episodeKiah and Darren reflect on: why attachment theory can feel overwhelming for parentsthe difference between repair and perfectionhow parents may repeat, reject or overcorrect from their own childhoodsscreen time, smartphones and guiltthe “perfect parent” image on social mediathe ABC model: antecedent, behaviour and consequencewhy therapists may over-analyse their own parentinghow small moments of play and repair build safety over timeCommon questionsWhat is attachment parenting repair?Attachment parenting repair is the process of returning to connection after a difficult or misattuned moment. It may involve apology, humour, touch, explanation, play, or simply coming back with warmth. Does attachment theory mean parents must get everything right?No. Attachment theory does not ask...

Mindfulness Burnout Prevention for Therapists

19 min

Mindfulness burnout prevention helps therapists, counsellors and psychologists notice early signs of exhaustion, emotional fatigue and professional disconnection before burnout becomes entrenched. In this bonus episode of Attach Together, Darren speaks with Christopher Dines, author, mindfulness practitioner, coach and former DJ, about MBP: Mindfulness Burnout Prevention. Christopher has published eight books on mindfulness and addiction, including The Kindness Habit, co-authored with Dr Barbara Mariposa. This conversation explores how mindfulness burnout prevention supports mental health professionals at risk of burnout, isolation and emotional depletion. Rather than simply focusing on meditation, MBP encourages awareness of thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, lifestyle, relational needs and professional limits. For attachment-informed practitioners, this matters deeply. Therapists often become a secure base for others, yet may struggle to notice when their own capacity is becoming depleted. 🔎 What You’ll Learn What mindfulness burnout prevention meansEarly warning signs of therapist burnoutThe difference between tiredness, exhaustion and burnoutWhy therapists can feel isolated in modern practiceHow online therapy has changed professional connectionWhy community helps prevent emotional depletionHow mindfulness creates space, clarity and regulationWhy asking for help is a professional strengthCommon Search Questions What is mindfulness burnout prevention? Mindfulness burnout prevention uses awareness, reflection and supportive community to help therapists notice and respond to early signs of professional fatigue. How does burnout affect therapists? Burnout can lead to exhaustion, apathy, resentment, reduced empathy, isolation and feeling disconnected from clinical work. Why is community important for therapists? Community offers therapists connection, reflection and support from others who understand the emotional demands of the work. How does mindfulness help...

Attachment Defences in Therapy: Understanding Protective Patterns in Clients

26 min

Attachment defences in therapy are protective patterns clients use when they feel relationally threatened, emotionally exposed, or unsafe in connection. In this final episode of Season One of Attach Together, Georgina and Darren return to the foundations of attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy to explore how defences show up in the counselling room - and how therapists can respond with patience, curiosity and clinical care. This episode is especially relevant for counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and therapy trainees who want to deepen their attachment-informed practice. Rather than viewing defences as resistance or pathology, Darren invites us to understand them as normal human strategies for safety, shaped by early relational experience. Attachment defences in therapy are not signs that a client is difficult or unwilling. They are often the client’s best attempt to stay safe. 🔎 You’ll Learn The difference between attachment traits and attachment defencesHow avoidant and preoccupied attachment patterns intensify under pressureWhy clients may withdraw, escalate, intellectualise or seek reassuranceHow therapists can avoid colluding with defensive strategiesThe role of mentalisation, countertransference and pacingHow PACE - patience/playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy - can support attachment-informed therapyWhat to consider when meeting clients, former clients or your own therapist in professional spaces Common Questions What are attachment defences in therapy? Attachment defences in therapy are protective strategies clients use when they feel unsafe, vulnerable or relationally exposed. They often develop from earlier experiences where closeness, need, conflict or emotional expression felt risky. How do attachment defences affect relationships? Attachment defences shape how people manage conflict, closeness and vulnerability. Some people withdraw to feel safe, while others intensify bids for connection, reassurance o...

Attachment and Trauma in therapy: How Trauma and Attachment Show Up in the Counselling Room

25 min

Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy are all central to this episode as Darren is joined by Gav, counsellor, tutor, and attachment-based psychotherapist, for a grounded conversation about the link between trauma and attachment in clinical practice. This episode explores a vital idea for therapists: trauma is not only about what happened, but also about what did not happen - the safety, attunement, soothing, and protection that were missing when they were needed most. Together, Darren and Gav unpack how early relational wounds shape attachment styles, emotional regulation, trust, and adult relationship patterns, and how these dynamics show up in the counselling room. You’ll hear a practical discussion of secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachment, including why disorganised attachment can feel especially destabilising in therapy. The conversation also looks at how clients may move towards closeness and then pull away, why defences develop for good reason, and why attachment-informed work often requires patience, pacing, and a strong focus on relational safety. For counsellors in training and qualified practitioners alike, this episode offers a clear and clinically useful framework for understanding how trauma and attachment are often inseparable. Darren and Gav also reflect on therapist self-awareness, countertransference, burnout, and the importance of regulation in the room. The episode closes with a thoughtful counsellor dilemma on contact between sessions, exploring how boundaries, client need, and the therapist’s own attachment pattern can all shape the response. 🔎What you'll learn trauma through an attachment lenshow unmet needs shape internal working modelssecure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachmenttrust, regulation, and defences in therapycountertransference and therapist self-awarenessboundaries and between-session contactCommon questions answered in this episodeWhat is attachment trauma? Attachment trauma...

Attachment and the Emotional Meaning of Food

32 min

Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy all shape how clients experience food, soothing and care. In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by therapist, supervisor and Optima tutor Jo Oxley to explore attachment and disordered eating through an attachment-informed lens. Attachment and disordered eating is not only about food choices. It can reflect early relational experiences around feeding, comfort, attunement, shame, reward, control and soothing. Jo explores how food may become more than nutrition: it can carry memories of care, absence, pressure, comfort, deprivation or emotional survival. In this episodeJo and Darren explore how feeding is one of the earliest attachment experiences we have, and how those moments can shape internal working models around safety, need, nurture and self-soothing. The conversation also considers how family dinner-table dynamics, emotional neglect, reward systems, and modern digital distractions may all influence a person’s relationship with food. 🔎What you’ll learnHow feeding becomes an early relational experience, not just a biological oneWhy food can become linked to comfort, soothing and emotional survivalThe role of family dinner-table dynamics in shaping later food patternsWhy food may function as a substitute attachment figureThe difference between disordered eating and a formal eating disorderHow shame, guilt, reward and self-denial can become entangled with eatingWhether different insecure attachment styles may relate differently to foodHow therapists can work with clients who bring food into the therapy room🕝 Chapters00:00 Introduction 01:24 Why explore attachment and food? 03:00 Feeding as an early attachment experience 06:19 Family dinner tables and relational meaning 08:23 Phones, disconnection and food rituals 10:09 Food as soothing, reward and shame 12:16 Food addiction and emotional regulation 17:53 Which attachment styles are most affected? 20:35 Therapeutic takeaway for practiti...

Attachment Supervision for Therapists

20 min

🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website. Attachment Supervision for Therapists: Understanding Attachment Styles in Therapy & Professional RelationshipsAttachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy all come together in this episode as we explore supervision through an attachment-informed lens. Rather than viewing supervision purely as a space for guidance and skill development, this conversation reframes it as a deeply relational process rooted in attachment dynamics. Darren is joined by Georgina Sturmer, BACP-accredited psychotherapist, supervisor, and lecturer in attachment-based psychotherapy, to explore how supervision functions as both a secure base and safe haven for therapists. 🔎What You'll Learn1. Supervision as a Secure BaseSupervision provides a foundation for exploration and growthTherapists need emotional safety to reflect honestlyCo-regulation enhances clinical thinking and presence2. Attachment Styles in SupervisionAnxious (preoccupied) supervisees may seek reassuranceAvoidant (dismissive) supervisees may intellectualise and avoid emotional reflectionSecure supervision supports flexibility across all functions3. The “Attachment Dance”Dynamics between supervisor and supervisee mirror relational patternsGroup supervision introduces systemic attachment processesAwareness reduces blind spots in clinical work4. The Three Functions of Supervision Through an Attachment LensRestorative (emotional support)Normative (ethical accountability)Formative (learning and development) Attachment styles influence where therapists feel most comfortable.🕝Chapters00:00 Introduction to Attachment Supervision 02:00 Supervision as a Relational Space 03:45 Secure Base & Safe Haven in Supervision 06:00 Attachment Styles in Supervisees 09:00 The Attachment Dance in Supervision 12:00 Avoidant vs Anxious Dynamics 14:30 Choosing a Supervisor 17:30 Listener Dilemma: Avoiding Challenges in Supervision 20:00 Final Reflections Common QuestionsWhat is attachment s...

Understanding Mentalization in Attachment Theory

24 min

🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website. Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy are all deeply connected through the concept of mentalization in therapy. In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by Joanne Kay, psychodynamic and attachment-based therapist and Level 5 trainer, to explore one of the most essential - and often misunderstood - processes in attachment-informed practice. Mentalization in therapy refers to our ability to make sense of our own internal world while also holding the mind of another person. It is a foundational capacity that develops within early attachment relationships and directly impacts how clients engage in therapy, relationships, and emotional regulation. 🔎What You’ll LearnWhat mentalization actually means in clinical practiceHow mentalization develops through early attachment relationshipsThe difference between baseline (trait) and moment-to-moment (state) mentalizingWhy mentalization collapses under stress and dysregulationThe link between nervous system regulation and reflective capacityHow therapists can adopt a not-knowing stanceRecognising when certainty replaces curiosity in the therapy roomWorking with “resistance” through a mentalizing lensThe role of supervision in restoring reflective thinking🕝Chapters00:00 Introduction 01:24 What is Mentalization? 03:09 Mentalization as Attachment Process 05:50 Not-Knowing Stance in Therapy 07:46 Development in Early Relationships 09:29 Trait vs State Mentalization 11:55 Regulation and Mentalizing 14:00 Ruptures in Therapy 16:54 Core Definition 18:46 Client “Resistance” Explored 21:05 Therapist Self-Reflection 23:05 Supervision and Mentalizing Common QuestionsWhat is mentalization in therapy? Mentalization in therapy is the ability to understand thoughts, feelings, and intentions in ourselves and others within relational contexts. How does mentalization affect relationships? It allows individuals to interpret behaviour with curiosity rather than...

Attachment Theory: Theory of Mind in Therapy Why Clients Struggle to Understand Other Minds

26 min

🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website. Understanding Attachment Styles, Mentalisation & RelationshipsHow do attachment relationships shape the development of theory of mind? In this episode of Attach Together - an attachment theory podcast for therapists, Darren and Jo explore the relationship between attachment theory, theory of mind, emotional regulation and relational development. Theory of mind - sometimes called mentalisation - is the ability to understand that other people have their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and intentions. Through an attachment lens, this capacity develops within secure caregiving relationships. When caregivers respond sensitively and reflectively, children begin to understand both their own mind and the minds of others. But when early attachment experiences are marked by anxiety, disconnection or emotional overwhelm, this developmental process can be interrupted. For therapists working with attachment styles and relational patterns, understanding theory of mind provides powerful insight into: emotional regulationrelational misunderstandingsperspective takingtherapeutic stuckness This conversation also explores how therapists can help clients develop theory of mind within the therapeutic relationship. Jo shares practical clinical insights including Daniel Siegel’s hand-brain model, ways to bring the prefrontal cortex back online, and how calming the nervous system allows clients to think about minds more reflectively. The episode finishes with a clinical dilemma many therapists will recognise: The client who is always late. Through an attachment-informed perspective, the discussion explores how lateness might relate to: avoidance strategiesanxiety about emotional closenesspractical life pressurestherapeutic pacing and safety🔎Key Takeaways for Therapists• Attachment theory provides the soil in which theory of mind develops • Secure caregiving supports the ability to understand other minds • Anxiety can take the thinking...

Working with Disorganised Attachment in Therapy

28 min

🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website. Understanding Disorganised Attachment in Relationships, Trauma & Attachment-Informed TherapyDisorganised attachment is one of the most complex and misunderstood attachment styles in attachment theory. In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by counsellor and attachment-based psychotherapist Gav McKee to explore how disorganised attachment develops, how it shapes adult relationships, and how therapists can work safely and effectively with clients who carry unresolved attachment trauma. For therapists working with trauma, personality disorder presentations, complex PTSD, or dissociation, understanding this attachment style is essential. This conversation explores the clinical realities of working with unresolved attachment in therapy, including relational dynamics, emotional dysregulation, dissociation, and the importance of pacing and safety. 🔎What You'll Learn• What disorganised attachment is and how it develops • The research of Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main and Judith Solomon • The concept of fright without solution in attachment theory • How trauma can be transmitted across generations • Why disorganised attachment often appears alongside complex PTSD • The push-pull dynamic often seen in adult relationships • Emotional flooding, dissociation and shame in attachment trauma • Why safety and stabilisation must come before trauma processing • How therapists can become a consistent and regulating relational presence Clinical Takeaways for Therapists• Disorganised attachment often originates when the caregiver is both comfort and threat • Clients may experience intense approach-avoid patterns in relationships • Emotional dysregulation and dissociation are common presentations • Therapy must prioritise relational safety before trauma processing • The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a corrective attachment experience 🕝Chapters00:00 Introduction to the Attachment Theory Podcast 01:40 What Is Disorganised...

Anxious Ambivalent Attachment in Relationships

25 min

🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website. Preoccupied Attachment, Attachment Theory, Therapy & Relationships In this episode of Attach Together - the attachment theory podcast for counsellors and psychotherapists, we explore anxious ambivalent attachment, often described as preoccupied attachment. We explore how anxious ambivalent attachment develops, how it appears in adult relationships, and how therapists can support clients experiencing intense relational anxiety, reassurance seeking and fear of abandonment. Host Darren, BACP-accredited counsellor and attachment-based psychotherapist, is joined by Uruj Anjum, BACP-accredited psychotherapist, supervisor and lecturer in attachment-based psychotherapy at Optima. Together, they unpack: • What preoccupied attachment means beyond the stereotype • How inconsistent caregiving shapes anxious ambivalent attachment • Why reassurance seeking and overthinking often appear in relationships • The nervous system dynamics beneath attachment anxiety • Why preoccupied clients are often drawn to therapy • The therapeutic task of slowing emotional overwhelm • Boundary management with reassurance-seeking clients • Understanding the “doorknob confession” through an attachment lens 🔎What You'll LearnPreoccupied attachment is protection, not pathology Clients with anxious attachment styles often developed sophisticated strategies in childhood to maintain closeness with unpredictable caregivers. Emotional intensity reflects attachment alarm. When connection feels uncertain, the attachment system activates strongly - creating hypervigilance to tone, messages and relational shifts. Therapy focuses on containment and mentalisation. Slowing down emotional overwhelm allows clients to move from pure emotional activation toward reflective thinking. Boundaries create safety Maintaining consistent boundaries is a crucial part of providing a secure therapeutic base. 🕝Chapters:00:00 Introduction to the Attach Together Podcast 02:10 Wh...

Avoidant Attachment in Therapy: Defences, Distance & Building Secure Connection

27 min

🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website. In this episode of Attach Together, we explore one of the most misunderstood attachment styles: avoidant attachment. What does avoidant attachment really mean from an attachment theory perspective? How does it show up in the therapy room? And how can therapists build connection without overwhelming clients who experience closeness as unsafe? Darren and Georgina unpack: How avoidant attachment develops in early caregiving environmentsWhy “independence” can actually be compulsive self-relianceThe emotional cost of being praised for stoicismWhat therapists feel in the room (countertransference clues)Humour, intellectualising and distance as protective strategiesHow to work slowly and relationally to build safetyWhen boundary-testing may signal growth, not resistanceDrawing on attachment theory, relational practice and insights from John Bowlby and Stan Tatkin, this episode offers grounded, practical reflections for counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and trainees. If you’ve ever felt deskilled, distanced or unsure how to “reach” an avoidant client - this conversation will reassure and guide you. 🔎 What You’ll LearnWhat Avoidant Attachment Really Is Not procrastination. Not laziness. But a protective relational strategy shaped by early experiences where emotions felt unsafe or unwelcome. Clues in the Therapy Room Flat affect, humour, intellectualising, minimising, brief communication - and the therapist’s own felt sense of distance. Why We Must Go Slowly Building safety may mean resisting the urge to “go to feelings” too quickly. Compulsive Self-Reliance vs True Independence How attachment patterns are reinforced by societal praise - and the hidden emotional cost. Boundaries & Contact Between Sessions Why an avoidant client reaching out may represent relational growth - and how to respond in an attachment-informed way. ⏱ Chapters00:00 – Introduction to the Attachment & Relationships Podcast 02:00 – What is Avoidan...

Internal Working Models

29 min

Internal Working Models in Attachment Theory: What They Are and How Therapy Updates ThemGet your CPD Certificate Here In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by Jo Oxley (founder of Optima) to unpack one of the most important concepts in attachment-informed practice: internal working models (also called inner working models). Jo explains models are formed and become an unconscious “blueprint” for how we experience ourselves, other people, and relationships. With a wonderfully accessible metaphor (yes, Inside Out makes an appearance), They explore how secure beginnings can build a sense of worth and safety, and how inconsistent or emotionally unavailable care can lead to avoidant or preoccupied strategies in later life. They discuss why shame and fear often sit underneath insecure attachment patterns, and how therapy supports change by building new relational experiences - creating “new pathways” that can gradually replace old default routes. This episode is a grounded, practical listen for counsellors, psychotherapists, trainees, and anyone wanting to understand how attachment patterns show up in real life -and how they can be updated. TakeawaysWhat are Internal Working Models? Understand models as unconscious templates formed through attachment experiences -shaping expectations of self, other, and relationship.Secure vs Insecure: How Early Experiences Become a Blueprint Explore how attuned caregiving tends to support confidence and exploration, and how emotional unavailability or inconsistency can shape threat-based expectations.Avoidant Strategies: “I’ll Cope on My Own” How avoidant patterns develop as a protective strategy when care is unreliable, and why shame can sit underneath self-reliance.Preoccupied Strategies: Fear, Hypervigilance, and Reassurance-Seeking Understand inconsistency fuels uncertainty and alarm, often leading to clinging, protest, and push–pull relational dynamics.How Therapy Helps Update IWM Why change happens in relationship —...

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