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Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino

Equal-ish

A Parenting and Kids & Family podcast

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About the show

Equal-ish is all about that precise intersection of parenthood, work, and being in a relationship. This funny, wonderful, messy, frustrating process is possible - but not easy! Join Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs every week to help you find your equal-ish household balance.

Newest episodes

Ep 64: The Politics of Family Life: What the US midterms mean for equality at home. A conversation with Brian Page

31 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   What do election results have to do with who does the school run, who takes parental leave and who carries the mental load at home? A lot! In this special episode of Equal-ish, we're taking a slightly different angle and looking beyond the ballot box to explore what the recent US midterm results could mean for equality inside our homes. Joining us again is Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands, alongside Kate and Rachel, to unpack the connections between political decisions and the everyday realities of working families. From the rising cost of living, unaffordable childcare and the lack of paid paternity leave to reproductive rights, flexible working and the expectations placed on mothers and fathers, we explore why household equity isn't simply a matter of individual choices. It's shaped by the systems we live and work within. We also look at some reasons for optimism: the shift in younger men's voting patterns, the number of newly elected representatives with children still living at home, and the opportunity for a new generation of leaders to bring the realities of modern family life into political decision-making. Perhaps the biggest opportunity isn't just about changing policies. It's about changing the stories we tell about who cares, who earns and what it takes to make family life work. If we want more equal homes, we need more than individual couples doing things differently. We need a world that makes it possible.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 63: The double standards we live by (and how we start changing them). An interview with Mary Catherine Starr

42 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   We've spent years talking about the mental load, unequal parenting and the double standards that shape family life. More and more of us recognise them. We can name them, laugh about them and send a comic to our partners saying, "This is us!" But what happens next? This week we’re joined by Mary Catherine Starr, the illustrator behind @momlife_comics, whose brilliantly relatable work has helped millions of people recognise the often invisible inequalities playing out in their homes. Mary Catherine talks about how her own experience of early motherhood, including the anger, guilt and self-blame she initially turned inwards, inspired her to start illustrating the realities of family life. What began as a personal outlet has evolved into something much bigger: a way of exposing the societal double standards that shape how mothers and fathers are judged, supported and expected to behave. In this episode, we go beyond the familiar conversations about the mental load to explore a trickier question: can feeling understood sometimes stop us from changing? When everyone around us is experiencing the same frustrations, does that sense of solidarity make it easier to accept things as they are? We explore why even couples who love each other and genuinely want an equal partnership can find themselves slipping into traditional roles, how institutions and everyday interactions can reinforce those patterns (even when dads are actively trying to step up), and why we need to move beyond simply recognising inequality towards doing something about it. We also get a fascinating insight into Mary Catherine's creative process and why the act of drawing is itself part of her thinking. And finally, she shares the ambition that her comics will one day feel as outdated as 1950s adverts telling women how to be good housewives.   Find Mary Catherin...

Ep 62: The cost of keeping everyone else comfortable. An interview with Gemma Hartley

41 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   What happens when you stop trying to make everyone else comfortable and start listening to what you really feel, want and need? In this episode of Equal-ish, we’re joined by writer and journalist Gemma Hartley, author of No One Loves an Angry Woman, to explore the gendered scripts that teach women to be accommodating, selfless and quiet about their own needs. Drawing on her experiences growing up in evangelical culture, becoming a mother and evolving alongside her husband, Gemma reflects on why women’s anger is so often dismissed, what that anger can reveal about the things that need to change, and why learning to express it can be the beginning of something transformative. We explore how the expectations placed on women - to give without needing, to be desirable without expressing desire, and to nurture others without making them uncomfortable, shape everything from parenting and partnerships to sex, identity and belonging. But this isn’t simply a conversation about women breaking free. We also discuss how restrictive gender roles limit men, why meaningful equality in a relationship requires both partners to keep growing, and how doing that work together can create more freedom for everyone. Perhaps most importantly, Gemma challenges the idea that following the rules is what keeps us safe. Sometimes, the very scripts that promise us belonging are the ones keeping our lives small. In this episode, we explore: Why women are often taught to suppress their anger and what anger can tell us. How gender norms and social expectations shape the way we parent, partner and behave. The connection between emotional labour, people-pleasing and making ourselves smaller. Why equality in relationships requires both partners to challenge inherited roles. How expectations around sex and desire can disconnect us from our own needs and bod...

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All episodes

Ep 64: The Politics of Family Life: What the US midterms mean for equality at home. A conversation with Brian Page

31 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   What do election results have to do with who does the school run, who takes parental leave and who carries the mental load at home? A lot! In this special episode of Equal-ish, we're taking a slightly different angle and looking beyond the ballot box to explore what the recent US midterm results could mean for equality inside our homes. Joining us again is Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands, alongside Kate and Rachel, to unpack the connections between political decisions and the everyday realities of working families. From the rising cost of living, unaffordable childcare and the lack of paid paternity leave to reproductive rights, flexible working and the expectations placed on mothers and fathers, we explore why household equity isn't simply a matter of individual choices. It's shaped by the systems we live and work within. We also look at some reasons for optimism: the shift in younger men's voting patterns, the number of newly elected representatives with children still living at home, and the opportunity for a new generation of leaders to bring the realities of modern family life into political decision-making. Perhaps the biggest opportunity isn't just about changing policies. It's about changing the stories we tell about who cares, who earns and what it takes to make family life work. If we want more equal homes, we need more than individual couples doing things differently. We need a world that makes it possible.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 63: The double standards we live by (and how we start changing them). An interview with Mary Catherine Starr

42 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   We've spent years talking about the mental load, unequal parenting and the double standards that shape family life. More and more of us recognise them. We can name them, laugh about them and send a comic to our partners saying, "This is us!" But what happens next? This week we’re joined by Mary Catherine Starr, the illustrator behind @momlife_comics, whose brilliantly relatable work has helped millions of people recognise the often invisible inequalities playing out in their homes. Mary Catherine talks about how her own experience of early motherhood, including the anger, guilt and self-blame she initially turned inwards, inspired her to start illustrating the realities of family life. What began as a personal outlet has evolved into something much bigger: a way of exposing the societal double standards that shape how mothers and fathers are judged, supported and expected to behave. In this episode, we go beyond the familiar conversations about the mental load to explore a trickier question: can feeling understood sometimes stop us from changing? When everyone around us is experiencing the same frustrations, does that sense of solidarity make it easier to accept things as they are? We explore why even couples who love each other and genuinely want an equal partnership can find themselves slipping into traditional roles, how institutions and everyday interactions can reinforce those patterns (even when dads are actively trying to step up), and why we need to move beyond simply recognising inequality towards doing something about it. We also get a fascinating insight into Mary Catherine's creative process and why the act of drawing is itself part of her thinking. And finally, she shares the ambition that her comics will one day feel as outdated as 1950s adverts telling women how to be good housewives.   Find Mary Catherin...

Ep 62: The cost of keeping everyone else comfortable. An interview with Gemma Hartley

41 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   What happens when you stop trying to make everyone else comfortable and start listening to what you really feel, want and need? In this episode of Equal-ish, we’re joined by writer and journalist Gemma Hartley, author of No One Loves an Angry Woman, to explore the gendered scripts that teach women to be accommodating, selfless and quiet about their own needs. Drawing on her experiences growing up in evangelical culture, becoming a mother and evolving alongside her husband, Gemma reflects on why women’s anger is so often dismissed, what that anger can reveal about the things that need to change, and why learning to express it can be the beginning of something transformative. We explore how the expectations placed on women - to give without needing, to be desirable without expressing desire, and to nurture others without making them uncomfortable, shape everything from parenting and partnerships to sex, identity and belonging. But this isn’t simply a conversation about women breaking free. We also discuss how restrictive gender roles limit men, why meaningful equality in a relationship requires both partners to keep growing, and how doing that work together can create more freedom for everyone. Perhaps most importantly, Gemma challenges the idea that following the rules is what keeps us safe. Sometimes, the very scripts that promise us belonging are the ones keeping our lives small. In this episode, we explore: Why women are often taught to suppress their anger and what anger can tell us. How gender norms and social expectations shape the way we parent, partner and behave. The connection between emotional labour, people-pleasing and making ourselves smaller. Why equality in relationships requires both partners to challenge inherited roles. How expectations around sex and desire can disconnect us from our own needs and bod...

Ep 61: The Equal-ish Edit. If equality is a skill, can we rewrite the rules of family life?

21 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   What if creating a more equal family isn't simply about wanting equality, but about learning how? In this Equal-ish Edit, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino reflect on four conversations with Darby Saxbe, Jerome Hunter, Simon Arrowsmith and Sophie Bruce, uncovering an unexpected connection between brain science, raising boys, the stories we tell ourselves and the technology shaping our lives: our capacity to change. We explore why we cling to familiar ideas about what makes a good parent, a successful professional or a happy family, even when those expectations aren't working for us. We discuss how caregiving can change our brains, why empathy and communication need practice, and how the stories we inherit about gender can shape relationships in ways we don't even recognise. Kate shares a personal parenting dilemma that challenges her own feminist assumptions: when our children make choices that clash with our values, how do we stay open to their perspectives without abandoning our responsibility to guide them? And we get practical about equality itself. As Kate puts it, equality isn't just a value; it's a skill. One that requires practice, intention and the willingness to keep learning, even when we're exhausted and sometimes just want our partners to get on with it. Because building a more equal family isn't about getting everything right. It's about questioning the rules, making room for different stories and practising a better way of being together.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep60: Can AI take the mental load off parents without reinforcing gender stereotypes? An interview with Sophie Bruce

39 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com. What if AI could give parents back something they desperately need: the brain space to actually enjoy being parents? Modern family life has become an extreme sport. School emails, WhatsApp groups, endless apps, competing work demands and the constant remembering, anticipating and organising can leave parents overwhelmed before the day has even begun. But could AI be part of the solution or are we simply adding another layer of technology to manage? In this episode of Equal-ish, we're joined by Sophie Bruce, founder and CEO of MOLO (Modern Load), to explore how technology could help families tackle the mental load, share responsibility and reconnect with the joy of parenting. Drawing on her background in psychology, high-performing teams and technology, Sophie challenges the idea that the problem is simply that dads don't do enough. Instead, she looks beneath the surface at unclear responsibilities, poor handovers, outdated systems and the growing expectations placed on modern parents. We explore the risks of AI learning from a world already shaped by gender stereotypes, and why technology could reinforce those patterns unless we deliberately design it to challenge them. We also ask whether making family life more efficient could bring couples closer together - or leave them even more disconnected. Plus, Sophie shares what it means to design family life with intention rather than sleepwalking into traditional roles, why we need to think carefully about who builds the technology we use, and what success might look like beyond simply getting more done.  Find out more about the MOLO app here: https://www.wearemolo.com/  And read Kate’s latest substack (link soon), to explore her analysis of different AI options currently available today. Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

Ep59: Who Wrote the Story You're Living? An interview with Simon Arrowsmith.

42 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. What if some of the things we believe are “just the way things are” are actually stories we've been told so many times that we've stopped questioning them? In this episode of Equal-ish, we're joined by storyteller, writer-composer and story consultant Simon Arrowsmith to explore the powerful stories that shape how we see ourselves, our relationships, our families and the world around us. Simon explains why story is much more than entertainment or communication: it's one of the ways our brains make meaning of the world. And because we're constantly surrounded by stories (in films, advertising, social media, culture, family and history), they can quietly become the narratives we live by. We explore what happens when familiar patterns become “lazy stories”: the repeated stereotypes about mothers, fathers, work and family life that can start to feel like the only possible way things can be. We also get personal. How can two people experience exactly the same situation but create completely different stories about what is happening? What happens when we become too attached to our own narrative? And how can couples create enough curiosity and vulnerability to hear each other's version of the story? Simon shares practical ways to start unpacking the stories we tell ourselves: from asking “why?” repeatedly to using the structure of a story to examine where we've come from, what has changed and what might happen next. And perhaps most importantly, we ask whether we really can rewrite our stories.  Sometimes a small shift is enough to change the direction of the story. So, who wrote the story you're living, and what might happen if you changed just 10% of it? Meet Simon:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/simonarrowsmith/ https://simonarrowsmith.com/ https://iambic.agency/ https://analogueintelligence.co.uk/ Explore the hero’s journey here:  https://www.jcf.org/learn/joseph-campbell-heros-journey  Find out more about your hosts...

Ep 58. What if we stop putting boys in boxes? Helping boys build connection, boundaries and a bigger idea of masculinity. An interview with Jerome Hunter

34 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com    What happens when boys grow up surrounded by messages telling them to be strong, dominant, competitive and emotionally tough? In this episode of Equal-ish, we talk to educator and boys’ development expert Jerome Hunter about the scripts boys absorb from an early age and what happens when we give them the space to question those scripts rather than simply follow them. Jerome shares what he learned from founding an all-boys middle school, including why the transition into adolescence can feel like “whiplash”, how boys can be socialised away from emotional expression, and why the pressure to fit in can make it incredibly difficult for them to set boundaries or challenge harmful behaviour. We explore the debate around single-sex education, asking whether separating boys and girls can create valuable space to explore identity or risk reinforcing the very gender divisions we're trying to dismantle. Jerome's answer comes back to intentionality: it's not simply whether boys and girls are educated together, but what we're actually teaching them about themselves, relationships and each other. jerome-hunter-interview We also get very practical. Jerome shares simple things schools and families can do, from a one-minute emotional check-in at the start of a lesson to helping boys understand boundaries, practising restorative rather than purely punitive discipline, and creating a shared language around healthy relationships. And perhaps the most powerful question of all: what might boys teach us if we stopped trying to mould them and simply listened? Jerome's answer is beautiful: look at me for me before evaluating me. Meet Jerome: https://www.jeromehunter.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeromehunter/ Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 57: Dad Brain: Great Dads Are Made, Not Born. An interview with Dr Darby Saxbe

45 min

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at equalishpod@gmail.com   What if becoming a father doesn't just change your life, it changes your brain? In this episode of Equal-ish, we talk to clinical psychologist and neuroscientist Dr Darby Saxbe, author of Dad Brain, about the fascinating biology of fatherhood and what it tells us about how we raise children, share care and think about masculinity. Darby's research shows that fathers' brains remodel during the transition to parenthood, with changes linked to how much time they spend caring for and connecting with their children. As she puts it: “Great dads are made, not born.” But that raises a much bigger question: what happens when fathers aren't given the time or opportunity to practise caregiving? We explore why solo parenting can be so important for dads, how unequal parenting can become self-reinforcing, and why the cognitive load remains stubbornly gendered even as fathers spend more time doing hands-on childcare. We also get into the surprising physical changes that can happen to men's bodies and hormones during fatherhood, why the obsession with maximising testosterone misses the point, and what happens when we stop seeing fatherhood as a social role and start recognising it as a profound human transition. And then we go somewhere unexpected: into the delivery room. Darby's research suggests that the way couples communicate with each other before birth may be linked to how difficult their birth experience becomes and that something as simple as validation can help diffuse conflict. This is a conversation about brains, bodies, relationships, workplaces, masculinity and the opportunities we give people to become the parents and partners they are capable of being. What would change if we designed early parenthood around the science of how fathers actually develop as caregivers? Connect with Darby: Buy the book: Dad Brain   darbysax...

Ep 56: What if we stopped playing by the rules?

23 min

Equal-ish is back for Year Two! After 55 episodes exploring the research, systems and social norms that make equity at home so difficult, Kate and Rachel are back, and this year they're asking a different question: What if knowing what's hard isn't enough? We've learned a lot over the last year. We've explored all the latest research that explain why equity at home is so hard. We know about workplace barriers. We know how gender norms shape parenting, relationships and family life. And yet... we still find ourselves doing the very things we know we shouldn't. Rachel puts up barriers to taking time for herself. Kate finds herself exhausted after trying to make everyone else happy. So in Year Two we're going beyond diagnosis. This season, Equal-ish is widening the conversation, exploring the stories we tell ourselves, the habits we inherit, the expectations we never consciously chose, and the unexpected ideas that might help us do things differently. From boyhood and dad brains to storytelling, AI, anger, adolescence and the everyday ways we divide up family life, Kate and Rachel are looking beyond the usual suspects and asking: What other ideas, perspectives and possibilities could help us write our own rules? We're not here to tell you how to have the perfect family. We're figuring it out too. Welcome to Year Two of Equal-ish. And remember: if it were easy to be equal-ish, we wouldn't need this podcast. Here's some links to a few of our upcoming guests if you want to read ahead: Dad Brain, by Darby SaxbeNo One Loves an Angry Woman, by Gemma HartleyMom Life Comics

Ep 55: REPLAY: Why Being an ‘Involved Dad’ Wasn’t Enough. What Happened When Alex Trippier Went From Present To Partnership

42 min

We're taking a break over the summer and replaying some of your favourite episodes. Today we're revisiting our conversation with podcast friend Alex Trippier where he gave us his honest perspectives about his personal journey from being clueless to enlightened in all things equal-ish and mental load. Enjoy! Discovering concepts like mental load, matrescence, and motherhood ideals really can fundamentally reframe your understanding of parenting as a partnership. In today’s conversation, Rachel, Kate talk to Alex Trippier, host of the Be a Happier Parent podcast about his fatherhood journey, the strain young children put on his relationship, and the turning point—from believing he was an “involved dad” to realising he had completely missed the invisible emotional, cognitive and cultural pressures shaping his wife’s experience. It’s time to redefine fulfillment as a father beyond achievement and into meaningful family connection. Here are two of the Be a Happier Parent episodes that we referenced in our interview:  ⁠The magic of caregiving with Elissa Straus ⁠ ⁠What do dads do? With Steve Biddulph⁠ These are the books Alex referenced: The Motherhood Complex by Melissa HogenboomMatrescence by Lucy Jones Fair Play by Eve Rodsky Beyond Baby Talk by Rachel Childs Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts ⁠Kate Mangino⁠ and ⁠Rachel Childs⁠ or get in touch at equalishpod@gmail.com

Ep 54: REPLAY: The Evolution of Fatherhood: Why Dads Matter More Than Ever. An interview with Dr Anna Machin

50 min

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying some of ours, and your favourite episodes. This week we're revisiting our conversation with Dr Anna Machin. This really was one of our all time favourite conversations. Anna has so much to share about the evolution of fatherhood and dispelling myths about our modern definition of the breadwinner role. Enjoy! In this episode, evolutionary anthropologist Dr Anna Machin challenges everything you thought you knew about fatherhood. From hormone shifts and brain changes to the unique ways dads build attachment, Anna unpacks why fathers are wired to be caretakers, not just breadwinners, and how their involvement shapes resilience, social skills, and mental health in children. Kate and Rachel dive into: The evolutionary roots of fatherhood and why caregiving, not earning, is innate. How dads uniquely “scaffold” children’s growth and prepare them for the world. The importance of secure attachment, sensitive parenting, and playful involvement. Why societal norms and workplace cultures, not biology, often prevent dads from fully engaging. How couples can use pregnancy to prepare for parenthood, maintain relationship strength, and navigate the early years together. This episode is essential listening for any parent, partner, or parent-to-be who wants to understand the science behind equal parenting, and how to put it into practice in today’s world. Meet Anna and explore her books: https://annamachin.com/ Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs or email us at equalishpod@gmail.com.

Ep 53: REPLAY: Our Household Doesn’t Add Up: The Economics Behind the Mental Load. An interview with Dr Corinne Low

47 min

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying our most listened to episodes. This interview with Corinne was one of ours (and your) favourites it the way Corinne uses her behavioural economics lens to how we think about our time, utility and finances as parents. Enjoy!! In this episode of Equal-ish, Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs are joined by economist and author Dr. Corinne Low, whose book Having It All blends rigorous data with deeply human stories about work, love and parenthood. Corinne takes us inside the economics of the modern household — explaining why gender equality at home has stalled, why parenting time has exploded, and why women’s stress and burnout aren’t personal failures but predictable outcomes of a broken system. Drawing on time-use data, labour market research and behavioural economics, she unpacks the myths we still cling to: from romanticising the 1950s household to assuming equality will “sort itself out.” Together, we explore invisible labour, status quo bias, reproductive capital, and the parenting “arms race” that’s making family life feel impossible — especially for working mothers. Most importantly, Corinne offers a practical, empowering reframe: how women can stop trying to “lean in” to a broken system and instead renegotiate work, partnership and parenting on more sustainable terms. If you find yourself asking: Why does this still feel so hard, and what can we actually do about it? This conversation is for you. Find out more about Corinne’s work here: www.corinnelow.com  Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs or get in touch with us at equalishpod@gmail.com.  

Ep 52: REPLAY: How Zach Watson got equal-ish with his wife.

44 min

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying a few of your favourite episodes. This week, we're sharing one of the very first conversations we had, with Zach Watson, the reformed 'man-child'. Enjoy! Are men choosing to ignore the mental load because they subconsciously still believe it is women’s work? Rachel and Kate try to answer that question with this week’s guest, Zach Watson.  Zach is a former middle school math teacher turned viral content creator and invisible labor coach for modern dads. Zach’s marriage nearly ended in 2018 because he was in default mode and letting his wife do it all. Now he talks very openly about how that happened, what he is doing to make changes, and why other men might be motivated to take household equality seriously.  Known for his honest, often hilarious take on the mental load in parenting, Zach speaks from real experience. And as a result now has over 120 million views and a growing community of ‘recovering man-children,’ through sharing his practical tools and relatable stories. ⁠⁠Zach Watson Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Zach Watson YouTube Channel ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Zach Watson Facebook⁠⁠ Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. Find out more about your hosts ⁠⁠Kate Mangino⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Rachel Childs⁠⁠ or email us equalishpod@gmail.com. 

Ep 51: REPLAY: Children change everything! Learning pains and getting to somewhere better with Molly Millwood

49 min

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying our most listened to episodes. Molly was our very first guest on Equal-ish. Whether you've listened to her before, or joined the pod later, this conversation is not to be missed. Molly's insights into relationships through parenthood really are the foundations for everything we talk to. Enjoy! In this conversation with psychologist and author of To Have and To Hold, Molly Millwood, Kate and Rachel explore how reciprocity in relationships can feel so hard to achieve. We unpack with Molly the subtle ways women are socialized to give away power, why women’s “free time” so often includes caregiving, and how unequal dynamics impact both mothers and fathers. Together we reflect the hidden costs for men who disconnect from early fatherhood, and the damage relationships can suffer if these imbalances go unaddressed.   Meet Kate & Rachel here: ⁠https://linktr.ee/equalish⁠ and get in touch with us at: equalishpod@gmail.com Buy Molly’s book, To Have and To Hold: ⁠https://www.mollymillwood.com/book⁠  If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who might need a little more equal-ish in their life.

50 Episodes later: What we've learned about equality, parenting & being human

27 min

One year. Fifty episodes. Twenty-seven incredible guests. Hundreds of hours of conversations, editing, voice notes, and learning. In this special anniversary episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino look back on the biggest ideas that have shaped their thinking over the first year of Equal-ish and discover that the podcast has become something much bigger than they ever imagined. We revisit the moments that completely changed how they think about parenting, relationships, gender, the mental load, power, and community. We share the questions we're still wrestling with, why we believe the conversation around equality needs to move beyond household chores, and where we're taking Equal-ish next.  Whether you've listened from episode one or you're joining us for the first time, this is the perfect place to reflect on how far we've come and where we're heading next. In this episode we discuss: The guest insights that fundamentally changed our thinking Why Equal-ish is becoming about more than gender and parenting Individual responsibility versus broken systems Why relationships, not independence, may be the key to lasting change The biggest unanswered questions we're taking into Year Two What we've learned from 50 episodes and 27 expert guests Why your conversations matter more than ever Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. Contact us with your feedback and future podcast ideas: equalishpod@gmail.com 

Ep 49: The Equal-ish Edit - The hardest part of love isn't doing more, it's letting go

27 min

Over the last four episodes, we've spoken to four very different guests, but one theme kept appearing. What if adulthood isn't about becoming completely independent? What if love isn't about fixing other people's problems? And what if the greatest gift we can give our children (and our partners) isn't rescuing them, but believing they're capable? In this Equal-ish Edit, Rachel and Kate unpack the unexpected connections between conversations with Paige Connell, Nick Shackleton-Jones, Deborah Porter and Dr Stephen Blumenthal. Together we explore: Why we've confused love with doing. The difference between rescuing someone and creating safety. Why curiosity may be a greater marker of adulthood than independence. How stepping back can be one of the hardest—and most loving—things we ever do. Why building an equal partnership starts by examining ourselves, not changing our partner. This isn't an episode about having all the answers. It's an invitation to stay curious, sit beside discomfort, and rethink what it really means to care for the people we love. Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. Contact us with your feedback and future podcast ideas: equalishpod@gmail.com 

Ep 48: The men we raise, the partners we become: Why vulnerability still feels unsafe. An interview with Stephen Blumenthal.

38 min

From childhood, many boys are taught to be tough, independent and resilient. What is the cost of the lessons they’re taught?   In this episode of Equal-ish, psychotherapist Stephen Blumenthal explores why so many men struggle to express vulnerability, seek help, or even recognise when they're suffering. Drawing on decades of experience working with men, Stephen explains how shame, biology, culture and early attachment all shape the way men experience emotions and relationships. Together, Rachel, Kate and Stephen unpack why fatherhood often feels less clearly defined than motherhood, why talking therapies can unintentionally miss men's needs, and how creating a genuine sense of safeness rather than simply telling people to "open up" could transform relationships. This is a thoughtful conversation about imperfection, intimacy, emotional connection and why equal partnerships aren't built by having all the answers they're built by creating spaces where both people feel safe enough to be themselves. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Meet Stephen Blumenthal: https://stephenblumenthal.com/ Guardian article: ‘They’re taught that showing feelings is shameful’: eight reasons men don’t go to therapy – and why they should Don’t forget to buy your copy of Kate Washington’s Midstream: A Life Remade in 50 Swims Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. Contact us with your feedback and future podcast ideas: equalishpod@gmail.com  

Ep 47: The empty nest myth: What happens when they come back? An interview with Deborah Porter.

43 min

Everyone talks about the sleepless nights of having babies. Almost no one talks about what happens when your children become adults. In this episode of Equal-ish, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino speak with workplace parenting consultant Deborah Porter about one of the least discussed stages of family life: when adult children move back home. Whether it's rising living costs, an impossible housing market, career uncertainty or simply needing a reset, more young adults are returning home than ever before. But while parents often expect life to get easier once children leave, many discover that the mental load simply changes shape. Deborah shares why parents need to stop seeing this as a "failure to launch" and instead view it as an opportunity to help young adults relaunch successfully. She explores why default parenting often continues long after childhood, how rescuing can unintentionally hold children back, and why every birthday should be an opportunity to hand a little more responsibility back to your child. This is a conversation about boundaries, identity, parenting with intention, and learning that sometimes the greatest act of love is stepping back rather than stepping in.  Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Meet Deborah: www.deborahporter.net Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 46: Leadership, ego and the hidden forces shaping family life. An interview with Nick Shackleton-Jones

53 min

Meet Kate Mangino @kate_mangino and Rachel Childs @parents_that_work. Everyone says they want more equal partnerships. So why do so many couples still end up falling into traditional roles? In this thought-provoking conversation, organisational psychologist and behaviour change expert and author of How We Learn, Nick Shackleton-Jones explores the invisible forces that shape how we work and lead. From the surprising psychology behind return-to-office mandates to why workplace cultures continue to disadvantage caregivers, Nick challenges many of the assumptions we've accepted as "normal." Together, we explore why information alone rarely changes behaviour, why emotions drive lasting change far more than logic, and what organisations and families can learn from human-centred design. We also dive into the future of AI, the hidden biases built into technology, why younger generations are rejecting outdated definitions of success, and how leadership culture continues to influence equality at home. Follow Nick’s TikTok musings @shackletonjones or find out more about his work shackleton-consulting.com/  This episode is proudly sponsored by Midstream: A Life Remade in 50 Swims by Kate Washington

Ep 45. Sharing parenthood isn't about the dishwasher. An interview with Paige Connell.

51 min

When Paige Connell became a mum, she didn't expect her marriage to change overnight. She'd been with her husband for 16 years. They had an equitable relationship. They supported each other's careers. Yet within a few years (accelerated by COVID, foster care, adoption, four young children and a complete lack of childcare support) she found herself overwhelmed, burnt out and quietly wondering: "How did this happen?" In this powerful conversation, Paige shares with Kate and Rachel the moment she realised her resentment wasn't about an overflowing dishwasher, it was about carrying an invisible workload that neither she nor her husband had the language to describe. Together, Rachel, Kate and Paige explore why so many good dads are still missing part of the picture, why women often struggle to articulate what they're experiencing, how social media has changed the conversation around the mental load, and why simply "helping more" isn't the answer. They also discuss raising boys differently, the dangerously low standards we celebrate fathers for, why Mother's Day and Father's Day cards still reinforce outdated stereotypes, and why genuine change will only happen when we stop comparing dads to other dads—and start comparing partners to each other. This episode is about giving couples the words to have better conversations, build stronger partnerships and create a fairer future for the next generation. This week Rachel and Kate are joined by Paige Connell, aka “shesapaigeturner” on TikTok and Instagram. Paige is a working mother of four who shares relatable content on TikTok and Instagram, highlighting the everyday experiences of women balancing motherhood, careers, and relationships. Known for her candid insights on the mental load of motherhood and the challenges of creating equity at home and work, Paige’s content resonates with millions. She also advocates for affordable childcare, paid leave, and reproductive rights, sparking important conversations about what families n...

Ep 44: The Equal-ish Edit - Awareness isn’t enough: the skills, trust and habits for equal partnerships.

25 min

We often talk about the mental load, emotional labour, and the systems that keep families stuck in unequal patterns. But what happens after awareness? In this Equal-ish Edit, Kate and Rachel reflect on their recent conversations with Laura Danger (Ep 41), Steve Cardwell (Ep 42) and Natalie Costa (Ep 43), exploring the gap between knowing and doing. Why do couples who value equality still end up in unequal dynamics? Why is awareness only the starting point? And what skills are we missing at home that organisations spend millions teaching at work? The conversation dives into the role of trust, communication, emotional intelligence, leadership skills and habit formation in creating stronger partnerships. They also explore why letting go feels so risky, why vulnerability is essential for growth, and whether we need to rethink how we prepare people for relationships, parenting and family life. Plus, they share their thoughts on the new film Breadwinner and ask whether popular culture is still stuck telling outdated stories about fathers, mothers and family life. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 43: You are easy to love: Raising emotionally secure children starts with us. An interview with Natalie Costa

44 min

What if the most important parenting skill isn't discipline, communication, or even patience, but emotional fitness? In this episode, Kate and Rachel sit down with parenting coach and emotional fitness expert Natalie Costa to explore how our relationship with emotions shapes everything from our parenting to our partnerships. Natalie explains why so many adults struggle to navigate difficult emotions, how emotional patterns are passed down through generations, and why resilience isn't about avoiding feelings, it's about learning to move forward with them. We dive into the invisible emotional labour that often falls to mothers, why many fathers have never been taught the emotional skills modern parenting requires, and practical ways couples can create a more emotionally connected family culture together. You'll also hear why repair matters more than perfection, how to help children develop emotional security, and the powerful reminder that every child needs to hear: "You are easy to love." Whether you're raising toddlers, teens, or simply trying to break old patterns in your own family, this conversation offers practical tools and reassuring wisdom for becoming the steady parent your children need. What emotional fitness actually means Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate parenting goal The connection between emotional awareness and resilience How emotional patterns are inherited across generations The invisible emotional labour carried by many mothers Helping fathers build emotional confidence and connection Why repair is more important than getting it right How to raise emotionally secure children without striving for perfection Meet Natalie Costa:https://nataliecosta.co.uk  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 42: Default or deliberate? Rethinking success in fatherhood. An interview with Steve Cardwell

45 min

For today's fathers, the expectations have changed. Men are no longer expected to simply provide financially. They are expected to be present, emotionally engaged, active parents while still succeeding at work and somehow finding time for themselves too. But what happens when all of those demands collide? In this thought-provoking conversation, Rachel and Kate sit down with Deliberate Dad founder Steve Cardwell to explore what it means to be an ambitious father in a world where the rules of parenting are changing faster than the systems around us. Steve shares his philosophy of being a "deliberate dad"—someone who consciously chooses how to spend their time, energy and attention rather than living on autopilot. Together they unpack guilt, mental load, workplace expectations, partnership dynamics, self-care, and the pressure to excel in every area of life. The conversation explores why so many fathers feel pulled between work and home, why agency matters more than perfection, and how couples can define their own version of equality rather than chasing impossible standards. Along the way, Rachel, Kate and Steve wrestle with some of the biggest questions facing modern parents: Can you really have it all? What sacrifices are unavoidable? How do we model healthy fatherhood for the next generation? And what happens when being a "good parent" looks very different from the image social media keeps selling us? A nuanced conversation about ambition, agency, equality, and the realities of parenting in today's world. Meet Steve Cardwell: https://deliberate.dad/  https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevedeliberatedad/ https://www.instagram.com/deliberatedad_  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 41: No More Mediocre. Why do we keep laughing at relationships that aren't working? An interview with Laura Danger.

44 min

We are all familiar with the jokes. The exhausted mum carrying everything.The lovable but clueless dad.The wife who nags.The husband who "helps." But what if the jokes aren't harmless? This week Rachel and Kate are joined by Laura Danger, author of No More Mediocre, to explore the hidden relationship dynamics that have been normalised for generations. Laura shares how a flood of "couples comedy" videos during the pandemic sparked her now-famous work on the mental load, weaponized incompetence, and what she calls the "nag paradox", the exhausting cycle where one partner carries the responsibility, then gets blamed for managing it. Together we unpack: Why so many unequal relationships feel "normal" The hidden emotional cost of being indispensable Why progressive couples often struggle behind closed doors How social media is changing the conversation around the mental load The fear that comes with demanding more from your relationship Why changing your relationship means accepting that things will be different This isn't a conversation about blaming men or women. It's a conversation about questioning the stories we've inherited, challenging what we've accepted as inevitable, and asking whether "good enough" is really good enough. Because maybe the goal isn't perfection. Maybe it's refusing to settle for mediocre. Find out more about Laura at www.lauradanger.com, and on Instagram @thatdarnchat Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 40. If men want to care, why are families still struggling? The Equal-ish Edit with Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs

33 min

In this Equal-ish Edit, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino reflect on the last three powerful conversations with: Professor Leah Ruppanner (ep 36 & 37) on redefining the mental load, Dr. Taveeshi Gupta (ep 38) on the global state of fatherhood, and Danny Mercer (ep 39) on life as an at-home dad. Together, they unpack one huge question: if men increasingly say they want to care more, why are so many families still stuck in unequal systems? This episode explores: Why caregiving is still culturally coded as “women’s work”How workplaces continue to shape parenting rolesThe mental load beyond motherhood and domestic labourThe invisible pressure many fathers carry as providersWhy modern parenting feels so isolating and overwhelmingThe role community, vulnerability and systems change play in creating more equal familiesIt’s an honest, emotional and deeply nuanced conversation about the tension many families live inside every day: wanting equality, while operating inside systems that make it incredibly hard to achieve. And in one particularly moving moment, Kate reflects on the simple but powerful truth many parents need most: not solutions, just someone willing to listen. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 39: “I’m not a paycheck”: What 16 years as an at-home dad taught Danny Mercer about identity, care and equality

50 min

Danny Mercer has spent 16 years as the primary caregiver for his four children, and what started as a practical family decision became a complete redefinition of identity, fatherhood, care and partnership. In this deeply honest conversation, Danny shares what it means to be the default parent as a father: the exhaustion, the invisible labour, the mental load, the resentment, the joy, and the relentless nature of caregiving. He talks openly about losing the identity that came with a paycheck, navigating judgement from society, and why community became essential to survival. As Vice President of the National At-Home Dad Network, Danny also reflects on the growing movement of fathers stepping more fully into caregiving roles, and why many men still struggle to ask for help, build support systems, or believe they are “allowed” to parent this way at all. This episode explores: how gender shapes caregiving expectations why the mental load burns out anyone carrying it the hidden emotional realities of being an at-home dad  why appreciation, communication and self-care matter more than rigid equality Explore the National at Home Dads Network: athomedad.org dadsgottatalk.org Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 38: Fatherhood, masculinity, and the care revolution we urgently need. An interview with Taveeshi Gupta

50 min

What if the biggest lie we’ve been told about caregiving is that people don’t want to do it? In this powerful conversation, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with Dr. Taveeshi Gupta, Senior Director of Research, Evaluation, and Learning from Equimundo to unpack the newly released State of the World’s Fathers 2026 report (a landmark global study spanning 16 countries and 8,000 parents). The findings are both devastating and hopeful. Parents overwhelmingly say caregiving brings joy, purpose and connection. Fathers want meaningful relationships with their children. Mothers and fathers alike say men are doing more care work than previous generations ever did. But the systems surrounding families (workplaces, economies, public policy, gender norms, childcare structures and cultural expectations) are failing caregivers at every turn. In this week’s conversation we explore: Why care should be treated as a basic human good, like food or shelter The dangerous rise of hyper-traditional gender narratives among younger men Why couples who hold more traditional gender beliefs actually report more conflict Why the manosphere is thriving in an era of economic insecurity The hidden “fatherhood flexibility stigma” in workplaces The tension between fathers wanting to care and not always defining care the same way women do Why caregiving conversations cannot be separated from capitalism, policy and structural inequality And why Taveeshi believes we are on the brink of a global “care revolution” This is a conversation about the systems we’ve built around care, and whether humanity can survive without rebuilding them. Read the report here: State of the World’s Fathers 2026 Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 37: Not everything is yours to carry: Rethinking the Mental Load. Part two interview with Prof Leah Ruppaner

35 min

Last week, we redefined the mental load. This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino ask the harder question: What do you actually do about it? In Part 2 of our conversation with Professor Leah Ruppanner, we move from awareness to action. Because once you realise you’re not just carrying one mental load (but eight) it can feel even heavier. So how do you: stop feeling responsible for everything? challenge the “shoulds” shaping your decisions? share the load in a way that actually works? Leah introduces a powerful reframe: The goal isn’t doing more. The goal is being intentional about what you carry, and what you don’t. From dropping unnecessary standards to recognising how social norms quietly increase your load, this episode is about reclaiming your time, energy, and headspace. You don’t need to carry it all. In fact, you were never meant to. Click here to find out more about Professor Leah Ruppaner Measure your mental load - Lighten Lab Buy Drained now Listen to Leah on Miss Perceived Podcast Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 36: The mental load, redefined. An interview with Professor Leah Ruppanner

44 min

This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with Professor Leah Ruppanner to unpack one of the most misunderstood (and underestimated) forces shaping modern relationships: the mental load. Leah is Professor of Sociology at the University of Melbourne and Founder of LightenLab. She is the author of Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More and Motherlands: How States Push Mothers Out of Employment. Drawing on years of global research and hundreds of interviews, Leah challenges the narrow way we’ve been taught to think about it. Because it’s not just about remembering the shopping list or organising the calendar. It’s emotional, it’s invisible. it’s boundaryless. And crucially, it doesn’t stop. From “emotional thinking work” to the eight different types of mental load we’re all carrying, this conversation explains why even the most well-intentioned, modern couples still feel overwhelmed—and what we’ve been missing all along. Click here to find out more about Leah Ruppaner Measure your mental load - Lighten Lab Buy Drained now Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 35: Are you raising a child… or managing an outcome? After the interview with Anita Cleare

31 min

What if the way you’ve been measuring yourself as a parent is the very thing making it harder? In this raw and reflective “After the Interview” episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino unpack the uncomfortable truths from their conversation with parenting expert Anita Cleare, and what it actually means to live those insights in real life. Because it’s one thing to say “focus on the relationship, not the outcome.” But it’s another thing entirely when your child is: having a meltdown in public pushing boundaries or making choices you fundamentally disagree with Together, we explore: Why even “progressive parenting” is still often outcome-driven The hidden pressure of constantly evaluating your child’s behaviour What “being in relationship” actually looks like in difficult moments Why letting go of control feels so uncomfortable (especially for high-achievers) The tension between preparing your child for the real world vs staying connected to them And the surprising question every couple should ask before (or during) parenthood Meet our guest, Anita Cleare, here. Author of: The Work/Parent Switch (UK) (The Working Parent’s Survival Guide in the USA) How To Get Your Teenager Out Of Their Bedroom Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep. 34: You’re not raising a project: Rethinking parenting, partnership & the pressure to perform

52 min

What if the biggest mistake we’re making as parents is thinking it’s our job to shape our children? This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with parenting expert Anita Cleare to challenge everything we think we know about “good parenting.” From the myth of perfect outcomes to the reality of relationship-building, Anita reframes parenting as something far less controllable and far more human. Together, we explore: Why parenting isn’t something you do to your child, but a relationship you build with them How modern “performance parenting” is setting us up to feel like failures The hidden cost of doing too much (for our kids and ourselves) Why conflict between parents is inevitable (and even valuable) The uncomfortable truth about letting go, stepping back, and allowing failure How to stay connected to teenagers when they’re pulling away This episode will challenge your assumptions, ease your guilt, and invite you into a more realistic and joyful way of parenting. Meet our guest, Anita Cleare, here.  The Work/Parent Switch (UK) (The Working Parent’s Survival Guide in the USA) How To Get Your Teenager Out Of Their Bedroom Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 33: We’re Failing Dads and It’s Costing Everyone. After the Interview with Ian Dinwiddy

26 min

We talk a lot about parental leave. But what happens after dads go back to work? In this After the Interview, Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs unpack the uncomfortable reality behind our conversation with Ian Dinwiddy and why support for fathers is still falling through the cracks. Ian is Coach, Mentor and the founder of Inspiring Dads, helping businesses who put supporting new dads at the heart of their gender equality strategy, recognising the positive impact on equality and well-being of helping dads solve the challenge of “how to be a great dad WITHOUT sacrificing a great career.” From the hidden “filtering system” that determines which dads get support…To the unspoken workplace rules that force men to hide caregiving…To the identity shift no one prepares them for… We ask a bigger question: How can we expect men to become involved fathers…while still expecting them to behave like nothing has changed? This isn’t just about dads, it’s about the systems, stories, and expectations keeping all parents stuck. Meet Ian: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/iandinwiddy/    Find out if your company is in the Inspiring Dads Parental Leave Database https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/the-database Ian recommends this book by Jasmine Kelland: “Caregiving Fathers in the Workplace” Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.  This podcast is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast

Ep 32: The Hidden Barriers Holding Dads Back at Work. An Interview with Ian Dinwiddy

49 min

We’re told fatherhood is changing. That dads today want to be more present, more involved, more equal. But what if most men never actually get the chance? In this episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with return-to-work expert Ian Dinwiddy to unpack the reality behind modern fatherhood. It’s far more complex than policy headlines suggest. Ian is Coach, Mentor and the founder of Inspiring Dads, helping businesses who put supporting new dads at the heart of their gender equality strategy, recognising the positive impact on equality and well-being of helping dads solve the challenge of “how to be a great dad WITHOUT sacrificing a great career.” From the “line manager lottery” to the quiet career fears men rarely voice, we explore the invisible filters that determine which dads get to show up at home… and which don’t. We also dive into the identity shift men experience when they become fathers often without the language, support, or space to process it. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Meet Ian: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/iandinwiddy/    Find out if your company is in the Inspiring Dads Parental Leave Database https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/the-database Ian recommends this book by Jasmine Kelland: “Caregiving Fathers in the Workplace” Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.  This podcast is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast

Ep: 31. Why the one doing the most still feels the least powerful. After the Interview with Melissa Hogenboom

23 min

After our conversation with Melissa Hogenboom, we couldn’t stop thinking about one thing: Power. Not the obvious kind, but the invisible, everyday power shaping how couples live, decide, and relate to each other. In this after-the-interview episode of Equal-ish, Kate and Rachel explore   Why the person doing the most at home can feel the least powerful How stress, silence, and resentment are linked to disempowerment The surprising way power reduces empathy (and what that does to couples) Why money still quietly shapes who has influence The question that reveals more than “who does more”: who controls their time? We also get personal, from asking our kids who they think has power, to rethinking what self-care actually means. Because this is more than chores or fairness. It’s about autonomy, identity, and the ability to say: “this is what I need.” If you’ve ever felt like something is “off” in the balance at home but struggled to explain why, this episode might give you the language. Find out more about Melissa Hogenboom, author of Breadwinners, and The Motherhood Complex. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.  This episode is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast

Ep. 30: We need to talk about ‘Power’ at home. An interview with Melissa Hogenboom

47 min

This week Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs speak with science journalist and author Melissa Hogenboom about the hidden power dynamics shaping modern relationships. We often think of power as something that exists in politics or the workplace, but what if it’s quietly influencing the way we make everyday decisions at home? Drawing on research from neuroscience, psychology and sociology, Melissa explains how power shows up in the smallest moments: who controls their free time, who carries the mental load, and whose career shapes the big life decisions. We explore: Why couples often believe decisions are “mutual” — even when the work behind them isn’t How earning power subtly influences influence at home What happens to empathy, stress, and communication when power is uneven Why female breadwinners are rising — but equality still isn’t guaranteed It’s a fascinating conversation about autonomy, identity, and what it really takes for couples to feel like a team. Equality in parenting isn’t just about dividing the chores, it’s about understanding power. Find out more about Melissa Hogenboom, author of Breadwinners, and The Motherhood Complex. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. This episode is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast

Ep 29: Small Nudges, Big Shifts. After the interview with Hayley Swenson

22 min

What if the path to a more equal home life didn’t require a huge conversation… but just one small experiment? In this After the Interview episode of Equal-ish, Kate and Rachel reflect on their conversation with Hayley Swenson from New America and put some of the Better Life Lab behavioural experiments to the test in their own families. The idea behind the experiments is simple: instead of trying to redesign your entire relationship or household system, start with small habit changes that gently shift behaviour over time. Rachel explores how simple boundary-setting tools can help protect work-life balance and reduce the pressure to always be “on”. Kate shares how “sharing the magic” can sometimes reveal that the things we spend hours creating aren’t even the things our kids care most about. We also touch on fascinating new research from Miranda Dotson exploring division of labour in relationships where one partner is trans or non-binary. Her work introduces the concept of “gender heritage” — the idea that the way we are socialised as children may influence how we divide household labour more than our current gender identity. It’s a reminder that the patterns couples struggle with today often begin long before relationships even start. If equality at home feels overwhelming, this episode offers a different approach: start small, experiment, and see what shifts. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. Read the Miranda Dodson article This episode is proudly supported by the Relationscapes Podcast

Ep 28: Too Busy to Be Equal? The Case for Tiny Experiments at Home. An interview with Hayley Swenson.

41 min

What if the reason equality at home feels impossible isn’t a lack of commitment but a lack of time? This week, Kate and Rachel sit down with Haley Swenson, gender researcher and deputy director at New America, to explore the work behind the Better Life Lab Experiments (BLLX) — an initiative focused on practical, evidence-informed ways to rebalance household labor. Hayley shares how BLLX emerged from a simple but urgent question: if we have decades of data showing unequal division of labor at home, why do we have so little evidence about what actually helps couples change it? Drawing on behavioral science, design thinking, and real families’ lived experiences, BLLX takes a different approach. Instead of promising perfect equality, it encourages couples to run small, low-stakes experiments — from rethinking chore systems to redefining holiday expectations. In this conversation, we explore: Why the most overwhelmed partner is often the one searching for solutions How “too busy to change” becomes the biggest barrier to change Why buy-in (not chore charts) is often the real starting point The hidden emotional stakes of holidays and “magic making” How giving your partner the benefit of the doubt can shift everything What it means to design equity for real, messy, overworked families Hayley also reflects candidly on her own marriage — including her surprise at discovering that even in a same-sex relationship, patterns of unequal labor can still emerge. Find out more about the BLL experiments here: Better Life Lab Experiments  All The Things Spreadsheet Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. This episode is supported by Relationscapes Podcast.

Ep 27: Great Advice. Hard to Implement. After the Interview with Traci Cherrier

25 min

What becomes visible about a relationship when the romance is removed? In this new After the Interview episode, Kate and Rachel reflect on their powerful conversation with mediator and parent coordinator Traci Cherrier. We unpack the realities of co-parenting after separation and why the same lessons apply to couples who are still together. The statistics are sobering: 39% of separated parents say unequal caring responsibilities contributed to their breakup. Working couples where mothers carry primary childcare are 92% more likely to separate. 70% of divorces are initiated by women. But this isn’t a doom-and-gloom episode. Instead, we explore: What “parallel parenting” teaches us about trust and control Why separated couples often communicate more intentionally than married ones The power of writing down shared values before conflict hits How unspoken expectations about gender roles quietly erode relationships And why “great advice” is so hard to implement in real life Whether you’re co-parenting across two homes or navigating equality under one roof, this episode will challenge you to rethink how you communicate, divide responsibility, and re-contract your relationship as life changes. Because if Equal-ish was easy, we wouldn’t need this conversation. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep. 26: Divorce Doula? The Art of Mediating Modern Families with Traci Cherrier

35 min

What does “equal-ish” look like when you’re no longer a couple? This was a question Kate and Rachel have been pondering for a while.  In this powerful conversation, mediator and parent coordinator Traci Cherrier joins Rachel and Kate to unpack the emotional and practical realities of co-parenting after separation. From navigating the grief cycle to shifting from intimate communication to business-like collaboration, Traci offers grounded, compassionate guidance for families in transition. But there was so much of the conversation that we can all take into our journey to be more equal-ish.  We explore: Why one partner may already be “ahead” in the grief process The difference between cooperative and parallel parenting How to move from a victim mindset to empowered decision-making Why documenting agreements clearly can reduce future conflict And the most important question mediators ask couples at odds At the heart of it all is one powerful idea: even when your relationship changes, your shared hopes for your children can become your glue. This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating separation — or supporting families who are. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 25: Love, Utility, and the Peak Relationship Tension Years: After the Interview with Dr Corinne Low

31 min

In this After the Interview episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino unpack the conversations they couldn’t stop thinking about after speaking with behavioural economist Dr Corinne Low. Corinne Low, PhD is an associate professor of business economics and public policy at the Wharton School, and the author of Having It All (Femononics in the UK). We reflect on what it really means to bring “ruthless practicality” into how we choose partners, and how we raise children who might one day want equalish relationships of their own. From the hidden economics shaping how couples value time, money, and care, to the emotional backlash many women feel when they invest time in themselves, this episode explores the tension between rational decision-making and deeply ingrained social norms. We sit with some of the hardest questions the data raises:  why the years when childcare and household labour peak are often the most strained for relationships how easily these conversations can slide into gender blame  whether outsourcing domestic work genuinely lightens the load, or simply shifts responsibility and privilege elsewhere. There are no easy answers here. Just honest reflections on how couples are trying to navigate love, work, parenting, and fairness inside a system that was never designed to support them. Find out more about Corinne’s work here: www.corinnelow.com  Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

Ep 24: Our Household Doesn’t Add Up: The Economics Behind the Mental Load

47 min

In this episode of Equal-ish, Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs are joined by economist and author Dr. Corinne Low, whose book Having It All blends rigorous data with deeply human stories about work, love and parenthood. Corinne takes us inside the economics of the modern household — explaining why gender equality at home has stalled, why parenting time has exploded, and why women’s stress and burnout aren’t personal failures but predictable outcomes of a broken system. Drawing on time-use data, labour market research and behavioural economics, she unpacks the myths we still cling to: from romanticising the 1950s household to assuming equality will “sort itself out.” Together, we explore invisible labour, status quo bias, reproductive capital, and the parenting “arms race” that’s making family life feel impossible — especially for working mothers. Most importantly, Corinne offers a practical, empowering reframe: how women can stop trying to “lean in” to a broken system and instead renegotiate work, partnership and parenting on more sustainable terms. If you find yourself asking: Why does this still feel so hard, and what can we actually do about it? This conversation is for you. Find out more about Corinne’s work here: www.corinnelow.com  Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep. 23: The Problem With ‘It Just Makes Financial Sense’. After the Interview with Brian Page

26 min

In this first After the Interview episode of Equal-ish, Kate and Rachel reflect on their conversation with Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands, and explore the tensions that lingered once the microphones were off. We explore what happens when couples are encouraged to “support the career that earns more”, and why that logic might reinforce traditional roles rather than disrupting them. In this conversation we unpack: Why money decisions are never just economic How our money scripts (shaped by childhood, gender norms and past experiences) quietly drive conflict How income differences can turn into power imbalances Why focusing on efficiency can erase ambition, identity and care Why missed caregiving time is a loss we rarely measure Rather than offering tidy answers, this episode invites you to hold the complexity. We leave you with this one question:   What decisions are you making now that the future you might regret? Find out more about Modern Husbands here: Modern Husband’s website Modern Husbands: Family Financial Planning Calculator   Subscribe and Follow to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep. 22: Why “Who Earns More” Is the Wrong Question in Modern Relationships

47 min

Achieving balance in both parenting and finances can feel overwhelming for couples. In this episode of Equal-ish, hosts Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino delve into the importance of teamwork in financial management with Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands. Join us as we explore how childhood experiences shape our money habits, how gender norms around money, care, and breadwinning quietly shape our relationships — and often limit both partners. Brian shares: Why he defines equality as equal leisure time, not 50/50 task lists How outdated breadwinner expectations still shape men’s choices (and anxieties) Why early childcare and career decisions compound financially for decades How couples can think of their household as a shared micro-economy Why money conflicts are rarely about money — and what they’re really about instead This conversation offers a grounded, emotionally honest look at what it really takes to build a fair, sustainable partnership in modern family life. Find out more about Modern Husbands here: Modern Husband’s website Modern Husbands: Family Financial Planning Calculator  Dr. Claudia Goldin’s research on the gender pay gap Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 21. How Evolution Supports Equal Parenting. The Anna Machin Coaching Edit

31 min

Explore the science of modern parenthood, attachment, and partnership during our reflections from our interview with evolutionary anthropologist Dr Anna Machin. Dr Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist, writer and broadcaster who is world renowned for her work into the science and anthropology of human love and fatherhood.  She is the author of the Life of Dad: The Making of the Modern Father and Why We Love: The Definitive Guide to our Most Fundamental Need. She is the lead scientist for the new dating app LoveJack. In the coaching edit, Kate and Rachel go deeper into the science, and the practical implications, of what equal parenting really means, offering key insights for couples who want to parent as a true team. Key Takeaways: Dads are naturally caregivers – Emotional detachment in fathers is socially constructed, not biological. Fathers’ hormones respond to caregiving, just like mothers’. Attachment matters – Children thrive with multiple attachments; strong parental bonds support resilience and pro-social behavior. Emotional intimacy fuels parenting – High emotional connection between partners increases confidence and involvement in dads. Invest in your relationship before baby arrives – Conversations about values, roles, and expectations build strong foundations for equitable parenting. Redefine gender norms – Challenge traditional ideas of motherhood and fatherhood; write your own parenting scripts. Social networks are vital – Romantic love isn’t the only important bond. Friendships, family, and community connections boost happiness and health. Click here to download the free values activity Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to listen to the next episode. Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 20: The Evolution of Fatherhood: Why Dads Matter More Than Ever

50 min

In this episode, evolutionary anthropologist Dr Anna Machin challenges everything you thought you knew about fatherhood. From hormone shifts and brain changes to the unique ways dads build attachment, Anna unpacks why fathers are wired to be caretakers, not just breadwinners, and how their involvement shapes resilience, social skills, and mental health in children. Kate and Rachel dive into: The evolutionary roots of fatherhood and why caregiving, not earning, is innate. How dads uniquely “scaffold” children’s growth and prepare them for the world. The importance of secure attachment, sensitive parenting, and playful involvement. Why societal norms and workplace cultures, not biology, often prevent dads from fully engaging. How couples can use pregnancy to prepare for parenthood, maintain relationship strength, and navigate the early years together. This episode is essential listening for any parent, partner, or parent-to-be who wants to understand the science behind equal parenting, and how to put it into practice in today’s world. Dr Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist, writer and broadcaster who is world renowned for her work into the science and anthropology of human love and fatherhood.  She is the author of the Life of Dad: The Making of the Modern Father and Why We Love: The Definitive Guide to our Most Fundamental Need.  She has written for The New York Times, The Observer and The Guardian among others, works regularly with the BBC and national and international broadcast media and recently appeared on The Diary of a CEO podcast.  She is the lead scientist for the new dating app LoveJack. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 19: Being a Great Parent Isn’t the Same as Being a Great Partner. The Alex Tippier Coaching Edit.

31 min

In the final episode of the season (and year!), Kate and Rachel unpack three themes that surfaced in their conversation with Alex Trippier and reflect on what the past year of Equalish has taught us about navigating parenthood and partnership. The discussion explores why parenting demands a process-driven mindset, why being a strong parent doesn’t automatically make someone a strong partner, and how couples can move out of echo chambers and into real dialogue. Parenting Is a Process, Not a Results Game Being a Great Parent vs. Being a Great Partner  Getting Out of the Echo Chamber  Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 18: Why Being an ‘Involved Dad’ Wasn’t Enough. What Happened When Alex Trippier Went From Present To Partnership

42 min

Discovering concepts like mental load, matrescence, and motherhood ideals really can fundamentally reframe your understanding of parenting as a partnership. In today’s conversation, Rachel, Kate talk to Alex Trippier, host of the Be a Happier Parent podcast about his fatherhood journey, the strain young children put on his relationship, and the turning point—from believing he was an “involved dad” to realising he had completely missed the invisible emotional, cognitive and cultural pressures shaping his wife’s experience. It’s time to redefine fulfillment as a father beyond achievement and into meaningful family connection. Here are two of the Be a Happier Parent episodes that we referenced in our interview:  The magic of caregiving with Elissa Straus  What do dads do? With Steve Biddulph These are the books Alex referenced: The Motherhood Complex by Melissa HogenboomMatrescence by Lucy Jones Fair Play by Eve Rodsky Beyond Baby Talk by Rachel Childs Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

Ep 17: The Sarah Fishburn-Roberts coaching edit: writing your own script.

24 min

Kate and Rachel dig into the interview with psychotherapist Sarah Fishburn-Roberts, turning a rather theoretical interview into practical actions. Why should we expect to change? How can we change together? How can we have these hard conversations with each other without playing the blame game and getting defensive? You are both going to change.  It’s not “you vs them.” Think of it as “us vs the pattern.”  Empathy is everything.  How to re-write your own script. If you like Sarah, you can find her services here.  Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Ep 16: Is This Just How It Is? Why So Many Couples Settle for the Status Quo

53 min

Today Kate and Rachel talk to psychotherapist Sarah Fishburn-Roberts to explore the distinctions and intersections between couples therapy, coaching and facilitation - and when to reach out for extra support.   (Spoiler alert - we all need it. And the practitioner you find is as important as the process you choose).  If you like Sarah, you can find her services here.  Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

Ep 15: The Dr. Fisher coaching edit: it is all about the family system.

21 min

Using father’s mental health as a starting point, Dr Fisher emphasized that it is really the “family system” that requires our attention. Kate & Rachel love this, and devote today’s coaching edit to go deeper into what family system caretaking looks like.  He might not be fine, even if he says he is fine.  Everyone can, and does, experience trauma. Fertility issues and difficult births affect all parents.  It is not just about taking paternity leave, but HOW you take it.  It is never too late to rebuild your team. If something isn’t working, don’t give up. Bring in a new offensive coach and swap out your talent. Kids can reinforce sexism, too! We need to be intentional about combatting stereotypes even with our own kids.  You can find more about Dr. Fisher’s work and practice here. Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

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