Dr. Heather Warren

Let's Complicate It

A Philosophy and Society & Culture podcast

About the show

In a world full of hot takes, self-help formulas, and pressure to have everything figured out, I invite you to slow down and think more deeply. Together, we'll examine the stories we tell about ourselves, the social forces that shape our lives, and the tensions we navigate every day. This podcast takes a curious approach to the questions that matter most: Why do we feel stuck? How do our identities take shape? What does it mean to live a meaningful life? This isn't a podcast about easy answers. It's a podcast about asking better questions. Because life is complicated. Let's keep it that way.

Newest episodes

Your Whole Life Isn't Falling Apart

Nov 8, 2026 40 min

Have you ever felt like everything in your life is going wrong? Like nothing is getting better, nothing is ever going to change, and you're just waiting for the day when everything finally falls into place? What if we're thinking about our lives all wrong? In this episode of Let's Complicate It, I'm sharing a metaphor that came to me during a therapy session and has fundamentally shifted the way I've been thinking about my own life. Imagine your life as a single thread. From a distance, it might look like one continuous line, moving upward when things are going well and downward when things are falling apart. But zoom in, and you'll discover that the thread is actually made up of countless smaller threads: your relationships, career, finances, health, home, friendships, and all the little experiences that make up your existence. And here's the thing: those threads aren't all moving in the same direction. Some are getting better. Some are getting worse. Some are staying relatively stable. And they're all being influenced by a combination of your own choices and circumstances entirely outside your control. We're talking about why change is inevitable, how to recognize the areas of life where you actually have influence, and why waiting for every aspect of your life to be perfect is an exercise in frustration. I reflect on how unexpected changes in my career created opportunities I never could have predicted, how a particularly miserable travel experience reminded me that even the worst moments are temporary, and why an old bullet journaling exercise called Level 10 Life suddenly makes a lot less sense to me. This isn't about toxic positivity or pretending that everything is fine when it isn't. It's about recognizing that things can be genuinely difficult without being universally terrible—and that having limited control over your circumstances doesn't mean having no agency at all. Maybe the goal isn't to make every part of your life a perfect 10 out of 10. Maybe it's...

Too Many Hobbies, Not Enough Lifetimes (Part 2)

Nov 1, 2026 1 hr 13 min

I want to paint. I want to write books. I want to become fluent in French. I want to sing, cook, garden, read, make videos, practice tarot, travel the world, and get really freaking good at pole dancing. And apparently, I also want to do all of these things while working full-time, maintaining relationships, exercising, getting enough sleep, and occasionally sitting on my couch watching The Walking Dead. So that's going well. In Part 2 of this conversation about hobbies, I'm getting personal. After spending Part 1 questioning what counts as a hobby and why we assign different levels of value to our leisure activities, I'm taking inventory of my own hobbies: the ones I've loved for years, the ones I've abandoned, the ones I'm currently pursuing, and the ones I keep telling myself I'll get around to someday. We're talking about my complicated relationship with theater, my lifelong love of reading, my history of making YouTube videos, the watercolor set that's been staring at me for months, my renewed interest in witchcraft and tarot, my desire to become a better cook, and the many writing projects I've been dreaming about but haven't started. There are also a few tangents about bullet journaling, French lessons, singing alone in my condo, collecting vinyl records, running half marathons for the medals, and, naturally, Taylor Swift. But as I work my way through this increasingly ridiculous list, I keep running into the same questions. Do I actually enjoy doing these things, or do I just enjoy being someone who has done them? How much of my desire to be skilled, knowledgeable, and accomplished comes from genuine curiosity and enjoyment, and how much comes from wanting to be perceived as an interesting, multidimensional person? And why is it so difficult to let myself be bad at something long enough to get better at it? There's also the uncomfortable reality that I simply cannot do everything I want to do. My time is finite, and choosing to pursue one interest means choo...

Who Decided Some Hobbies Are Better Than Others? (Part 1)

Oct 25, 2026 59 min

Does watching TV count as a hobby? What about scrolling social media? And why do I feel so much better about myself when I spend an evening reading than when I spend that same evening watching The Walking Dead while scrolling YouTube Shorts? In Part 1 of this two- (maybe three-) part conversation about hobbies, I'm questioning what actually counts as a hobby—and why we seem to have decided that some ways of spending our free time are inherently better than others. As someone who takes pride in being intellectual, creative, and accomplished, I have to admit that I'm guilty of some serious hobby snobbery. Reading books? Wonderful. Learning a new skill? Even better. Painting, writing, playing an instrument, or making something tangible? Excellent uses of leisure time. But watching television? Scrolling social media? Collecting things? Following a fandom? Why don't those activities seem to count in quite the same way? We get into the difference between consuming and creating, why measurable accomplishments make certain hobbies feel more legitimate, how productivity culture has infiltrated our leisure time, and why being a Swiftie might not be all that different from being a devoted sports fan. I also explore the performative side of hobbies: the pressure to be seen as interesting, talented, and multifaceted, and how social media can turn even our recreational pursuits into opportunities for comparison and judgment. And then there's the vulnerability of being a beginner. Ironically, I had to scrap my first attempt at recording this very episode because I was so frustrated with how badly I thought I was doing. Which is particularly funny considering that one of the things I wanted to discuss was how afraid we can be of being seen trying—and failing—at something we're supposed to be doing for fun. So perhaps this episode is also a little bit about my own perfectionism. Ultimately, I'm not arguing that all hobbies are equally fulfilling for everyone, or that there's anythin...

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All episodes

Your Whole Life Isn't Falling Apart

Nov 8, 2026 40 min

Too Many Hobbies, Not Enough Lifetimes (Part 2)

Nov 1, 2026 1 hr 13 min

Who Decided Some Hobbies Are Better Than Others? (Part 1)

Oct 25, 2026 59 min

Would You Pass Her Friendship Test? | Judgment Call #2

Oct 11, 2026 57 min

Would you stay friends with someone who expected you to text them back within 24 hours, share your location, see them every week, answer spontaneous FaceTimes, like their social media posts, and put maximum effort into taking their pictures? Welcome back to Judgment Call, the recurring Let's Complicate It series where I take a specific person, story, or viral moment that's attracting a whole lot of judgment—and ask what, exactly, we're judging. This time, I'm looking at a viral TikTok from a creator who shared five rules for being her friend. And the internet had...thoughts. Let's Complicate It Episode 17 … I'll admit: some of these rules would immediately disqualify me. But as I work through them one by one, I find myself becoming surprisingly sympathetic to what she might actually be looking for. Maybe the desire for weekly hangouts and spontaneous FaceTimes isn't inherently unreasonable. Maybe she's trying to create the kind of close-knit, chosen-family friendship we see on shows like Friends, Sex and the City, and How I Met Your Mother—friends who don't just schedule occasional hangouts but actually share their everyday lives. Let's Complicate It Episode 17 … So where's the problem? Maybe it isn't the desires themselves. Maybe it's the rigidity. In this episode, I talk about the difference between wanting something from a friendship and requiring it, how lifestyle and personality shape what we're realistically able to give our friends, what it means to share your location with someone, why spontaneous phone calls might actually offer something our increasingly disconnected lives are missing, and whether supporting a friend's creative work means you're obligated to engage with everything they post. I also get mildly sidetracked by internet attachment discourse—because apparently wanting a text back within 24 hours is enough for strangers to start assigning someone an attachment style. As a therapist, I have some thoughts about the way psychological theories becom...

You’re Living a Life You Used to Look Forward To

Oct 4, 2026 52 min

What if gratitude isn’t about listing what you’re thankful for—but remembering that some of what feels ordinary now used to be the future you couldn’t wait to reach? I have always been a future-focused person. Even as a kid at sleepovers, I wanted to lie in bed and “plan for the future.” As an adult, that became lists, countdowns, milestones, trips, achievements, and an ongoing question: What’s the next thing I get to look forward to? For years, I’ve kept a running list on my phone of things I’m looking forward to. It started during a difficult period in college, when sometimes even something as small as the first day of fall, a new album, a birthday, or a book release gave me a reason to keep moving forward. Over time, the list grew to include degrees, trips, jobs, holidays, and major life milestones. But at one point during my PhD, that list stopped at 2026. Because this was the year I was waiting for. And now I'm here. So in this episode, I'm trying a different kind of gratitude practice. Instead of asking what I'm thankful for, I'm looking back at a version of myself from December 2022—a version of me living alone in a tiny studio apartment, unemployed, studying for the exam I needed to graduate with my master's degree, and desperately looking forward to becoming a therapist—and asking: What would she think if she could see my life now? She'd learn that she passed the exam. She became a therapist. She finished the PhD. She built a career she loves. She moved in with Tyler. She has rooms, air conditioning, a dishwasher, a washing machine, a car with the backup camera she wanted, friendships that grew deeper, hobbies she can afford, and a body she's learning to experience differently. And so many of those things that would have seemed extraordinary to her have become completely ordinary to me. That's the hedonic treadmill. We arrive, adjust, and start looking toward the next thing. But the things that frustrate or overwhelm us today don't erase everything that's...

Pumpkin Spice, Nietzsche & Pole Dancing | The Shallow End

Sep 27, 2026 1 hr 8 min

Welcome to the shallow end of Let’s Complicate It. Not every episode needs to interrogate society, deconstruct a dominant discourse, or send me spiraling into an existential question. Sometimes I just want to talk about what I'm eating, reading, watching, listening to, and enjoying right now. So this episode is a little snapshot of my life in September 2026, told through my current favorites. I'm talking about the “egg thing” Tyler made me approximately every night during my wildly overcommitted summer, my annual transition into pumpkin-spice coffee season, the restaurant that taught me I apparently do like dates, the music I can't stop singing in my car, and the podcasts that feel like hanging out with friends. Then we get into what I've been watching and reading: the movies that have stuck with me this year, my ongoing journey toward becoming an accidental Trekkie, why I'm revisiting The Walking Dead more than a decade later, the shows I'm willing to wait years for, the books I can't stop recommending, and my current reading lineup—which somehow includes both Taylor Jenkins Reid and Friedrich Nietzsche. And because apparently I am incapable of remaining completely in the shallow end, we accidentally brush up against attention spans, ambition, consumerism, pleasure, body image, and the strange ways our tastes change alongside us. I also talk about my newest obsession with pole dancing and how it's changing the way I experience my body—not just what it looks like, but what it can do. Oh, and I bought a lamp for my shower. It is completely unnecessary. I love it. This episode isn't trying to arrive at a grand conclusion. It's just a record of the things bringing me comfort, curiosity, pleasure, and a little bit of whimsy in this particular season of my life. We're making the frivolous deep—but this time, we're allowed to stay in the shallow end for a while.

He Called His Dad Misogynistic. Who Was the A**hole? | Judgment Call #1

Sep 20, 2026 41 min

Welcome to Judgment Call—a new recurring series where I take a moral dilemma from the internet, make a judgment...and then complicate the hell out of it. For the first Judgment Call, I'm reacting in real time to a post from Reddit's Am I the A*****e? A 24-year-old man describes a heated family conversation in which his father argues that wives should submit to their husbands—even in the context of mistreatment. His sister pushes back. He stays quiet. Later, he posts on social media about his father's "misogynistic remarks." His father finds the post and is furious. So...who's the a*****e? In this episode, I unpack whether the father's comments are actually misogynistic, what it means to "respect" a parent whose beliefs you don't respect, whether posting about someone's behavior publicly is meaningfully different from processing it privately, and whether causing someone shame or discomfort necessarily means you've harmed them unfairly. But as I read through the comments, another question starts bothering me: Why was this man willing to call out his father's misogyny online when he wasn't willing to challenge it in the moment? Because when you're a man listening to another man make sexist or misogynistic remarks, your voice may carry power that the women being targeted by those beliefs don't have. And sometimes staying silent isn't quite as neutral as we'd like it to be. Maybe the most interesting thing about judgment isn't deciding who was right and who was wrong. Maybe it's figuring out what we're actually judging in the first place. This is Judgment Call #1.

I Think I Was Always Going to Be a Therapist

Sep 13, 2026 59 min

How does someone actually become a therapist? In my case, apparently by taking the longest possible route there. In this episode of Let's Complicate It, I'm telling the story of how I became a marriage and family therapist—from the teenage version of me who thought psychology might be her future, through years of jobs that never quite became careers, an extremely brief attempt at becoming a Naval officer, a first attempt at graduate school, a detour into acting, and eventually a global pandemic that forced me to confront a question I'd been avoiding: What did I actually want to do with my life? When theater disappeared during the pandemic, I began realizing how much it had distracted me from my dissatisfaction with my job. And after one seemingly small incident at work became the catalyst for another job search, I caught myself repeating a familiar pattern: learn a job, get good at it, get bored, and make another lateral move. This time, I decided to do something different. That decision eventually led me back to something I'd been circling since I was a teenager: becoming a therapist. I talk about returning to graduate school, discovering during practicum that therapy felt surprisingly natural to me, navigating the long road from student therapist to associate to licensed marriage and family therapist, pursuing a PhD along the way, and eventually becoming a therapist, supervisor, mentor, and leader in community mental health. But underneath the career timeline is another story: why this work fits me. I know what it's like to believe you've done life wrong. To measure yourself against an ideal, find yourself deviating from it, and turn that difference into evidence that something is wrong with you. Therapy gave me a place to use that experience—and my capacity to sit with other people's pain—to help people question the rules they've been measuring themselves against, recognize the choices available to them, and maybe even celebrate some of the things that once mad...

Judgment Is the Call Coming from Inside the House

Sep 6, 2026 1 hr 10 min

We’re often told that good people shouldn’t judge others. But what if judgment itself isn’t the problem? In this episode of Let’s Complicate It, I’m exploring judgment as something fundamentally human: a tool we use to recognize harm, clarify our values, make ethical decisions, and navigate relationships. The trouble begins when our judgments feel like objective truths rather than beliefs with histories—beliefs shaped by family, culture, institutions, social norms, and dominant discourses. I break down the difference between judgments that identify harm, judgments that express our values, and judgments that simply enforce ideas about what is “normal.” I also bring in Michel Foucault’s concepts of normalizing judgment and the panopticon to examine how social expectations become internalized until we start monitoring not only other people, but ourselves. Eventually, we become both the person being watched and the one doing the watching. Along the way, I ask questions like: Where did I learn that this behavior was wrong? Is someone actually being harmed, or are they simply living differently than I would? What value is underneath my judgment? Who benefits from the standard I’m enforcing? And am I judging someone else for breaking a rule I secretly resent having followed myself? Because sometimes judgment protects our ethics. Sometimes it protects us from envy, shame, fear, grief, or uncertainty. And sometimes it quietly reinforces a social rule we never consciously chose. Understanding context doesn’t mean abandoning accountability. We can understand how someone became who they are, acknowledge the systems that shaped their choices, and still name harm, maintain boundaries, or disagree with what they’ve done. Curiosity can complicate our certainty without requiring moral neutrality. So the goal isn’t to become someone who never judges. It’s to become someone who knows what their judgments are accountable to. Because judgment may be the call coming from inside the h...

Who Decided Femininity Was Frivolous?

Aug 31, 2026 1 hr 11 min

Why do we treat femininity like evidence that someone shouldn't be taken seriously? In this episode of Let's Complicate It, I'm unpacking my own complicated relationship with femininity—and the ways I've learned to associate being feminine with being frivolous, superficial, or less intellectually serious. From long sparkly nails and makeup to Taylor Swift, romance novels, Sailor Moon, and "girl talk," I explore why interests coded as feminine so often begin with the presumption that they're less meaningful than their masculine counterparts. Why is getting a manicure frivolous, while knowing everything about fantasy football is just a hobby? Why does a woman who loves fashion seem vapid, while a man who knows everything about his car seems knowledgeable? And why does a woman being both highly feminine and powerful still register as a contradiction? Along the way, I bring in Simone de Beauvoir and Luce Irigaray, reflections from my dissertation research on gender non-binary identity, the "pick me girl" phenomenon, and cultural examples ranging from Dolly Parton and Taylor Swift to Buffy Summers and Sailor Moon. I also look back at my own relationship with makeup, clothing, beauty rituals, and the subtle pride I've sometimes taken in distancing myself from femininity. Because maybe the answer isn't proving that feminine things aren't frivolous. Maybe we're allowed to be frivolous sometimes. Pleasure doesn't have to make us smarter, healthier, more productive, or more enlightened in order to be worthwhile. I'm not necessarily interested in becoming more feminine. I'm interested in having a better relationship with femininity—and making sure that when something feminine isn't for me, it's because I don't like it, not because I've learned to see it as lesser. That's the distinction you ultimately arrive at when you talk about your nails, clothing, and even the fact that you simply don't particularly like pink. Because femininity doesn't have to be redeemed. It was never...

The Next Project Is Saying 'No' to the Next Project

Aug 24, 2026 56 min

What if the hardest part of slowing down isn’t boredom — but the feeling that you should be doing something more productive? In this episode, I reflect on my intention to move more slowly and deliberately through the rest of the year. After a long season of projects, commitments, goals, and constant forward motion, I’ve been thinking about what it would mean to say no more often — not so I can make room for the next ambition, but so I can make room for rest, pleasure, spontaneity, and simply being. At first, I thought I wanted to experience boredom again. I wanted to remember what it felt like to have enough empty space in my life that I could genuinely wonder what to do with myself. But as I talked, I realized the deeper challenge may be something else entirely: learning to tolerate the discomfort of not using every available hour to accomplish something. What happens when rest feels like wasted time? When a quiet afternoon triggers the thought that you could be writing, working, creating, exercising, organizing, or starting the next project? And how do we learn to replenish ourselves without immediately turning replenishment into another goal to achieve? In this episode, I explore slowing down, saying no, protecting empty space, and questioning the productivity mindset that can make simply existing feel strangely uncomfortable. Maybe the goal isn’t to become better at filling my time. Maybe it’s to become more comfortable leaving some of it beautifully, intentionally empty.

I Don't Want Kids. She Really, Really Did.

Aug 16, 2026 1 hr 15 min

What happens when two best friends build very different versions of a meaningful life? In this episode, I'm joined by my best friend of 23 years, Rachel, to talk about a subject on which we've made very different choices: motherhood. Rachel desperately wanted to become a mother and ultimately went through years of fertility treatments and IVF to have her child. I, meanwhile, have intentionally chosen to be childfree. But this isn't a debate about who made the "right" choice. Together, we explore how we separate what we genuinely want from what we've been taught we're supposed to want—especially when it comes to womanhood, motherhood, identity, and purpose. Rachel shares what it was like to grow up assuming motherhood was simply part of her future, only to later consciously choose it again and again through an incredibly difficult fertility journey. We also complicate one of the most persistent judgments directed at childfree people: that choosing not to have children is selfish. What if having children is selfish, too? And what if "selfish" doesn't have to mean bad? We talk about sacrifice, self-centeredness, contribution, legacy, and the many ways a person can invest in something larger than themselves—with or without becoming a parent. Along the way, we explore the strange, beautiful spectrum of experiences surrounding parenthood: people who desperately want children, people who never do, people who become parents and love it, people who discover the identity doesn't fit the way they expected, and people who have to build meaningful lives around a choice they never got to make. And because this is a conversation between two people who have been best friends since seventh grade, we also somehow end up crying about our friendship, reminiscing about the people who unknowingly brought us together 23 years ago, and revisiting the very drunken text I sent Rachel when her daughter was finally born: "You has baby." Maybe there isn't one correct way to build a meaningful l...

When Your Ride or Die is Problematic

Aug 9, 2026 1 hr 12 min

What happens when someone—or something—you support does something that conflicts with your values? In this episode, Tyler (AKA Alan Sphincter) joins me for a conversation that begins with political accountability and quickly becomes something much bigger: an exploration of loyalty, identity, consumerism, capitalism, and the compromises we make when trying to live according to our values. We wrestle with what it means to hold "our side" accountable, especially when doing so might come at a political cost. But the dilemma doesn't stop at the ballot box. If our choices reflect our values, what does it mean to stream an artist whose behavior we disagree with? To refuse to buy new Harry Potter merchandise while regularly ordering from Amazon? To love Taylor Swift while questioning the existence of billionaires? And how much responsibility can any individual realistically carry for making perfectly ethical choices inside systems they didn't create? Along the way, we explore the uncomfortable places where ethics meet practicality: where we draw our personal lines, what we're willing to compromise on, and why some contradictions bother us more than others. We also examine our tendency to put politicians, celebrities, and billionaires on pedestals—and what happens when loyalty to a person, party, brand, or identity makes it harder to acknowledge the harm they may cause. This isn't an episode about achieving moral purity. It's about being willing to examine the things we're attached to—including the things we'd really rather not examine. Because maybe being "ride or die" isn't something to aspire to. Maybe every once in a while, we need to unstick our heels, take a few steps back, and look at where we're actually standing.

I Don't Think I Have a Community

Aug 2, 2026 1 hr 4 min

What does it actually mean to have a community? Lately, I've been wondering whether I have friends... or whether I have something deeper. In this episode, I unpack the difference between friendship and community, explore my own hyper-independence, and ask why relying on other people can feel so uncomfortable—even when we know they would gladly help. Drawing from everything from Friends and Community to community theater, yoga studios, social media, and contextual therapy, I explore what we've lost in a culture that prizes self-sufficiency above interdependence. Along the way, I wrestle with questions I don't yet have answers to: Why does asking for a ride to the airport feel harder than paying for one? What makes a "third place" feel like home? Can community exist without inconvenience? And how do we build relationships that are woven into the ordinary rhythms of life instead of surviving on occasional catch-up conversations? In this episode, we explore: The difference between friendship and community Hyper-independence and why asking for help can feel so vulnerable The role of third places in combating loneliness Why hobbies and shared activities often become the foundation for belonging The hidden costs of outsourcing everything we can afford to pay for Practical ways to cultivate community through small, everyday acts of generosity Why healthy communities require vulnerability, conflict repair, and the willingness to inconvenience one another If you've ever felt surrounded by people but still longed for something deeper, this episode is an invitation to rethink what it means to belong—and to consider whether community isn't something we find, but something we practice. Because maybe the opposite of loneliness isn't simply having more friends. Maybe it's becoming part of each other's everyday lives.

Go ahead. Ask me how old I am.

Jul 26, 2026 1 hr 23 min

What does it actually mean to "feel your age"? As I celebrate my 35th birthday, I've been thinking less about getting older and more about what aging has given me. In this episode, I reflect on the milestones we're taught to measure ourselves by—marriage, children, careers, homeownership—and question whether they're really the best way to understand a life well lived. From Gilmore Girls to Sex and the City, from career pivots to divorce, from mistakes to self-trust, I explore why I believe wisdom isn't about having all the answers. It's about learning that life rarely unfolds according to plan—and discovering that the unexpected detours often become the most meaningful parts of our story. In this episode, we explore: Why I'm genuinely excited to get older The social expectations women face around age and life milestones Why mistakes, pivots, and "wrong turns" can become our greatest teachers The freedom that comes from letting go of a perfect life How curiosity keeps us growing throughout adulthood Why becoming yourself sometimes means unbecoming who you thought you were If you've ever worried that you're behind in life, or wondered whether you've made too many mistakes, this episode is a reminder that your story isn't measured by how closely it follows a timeline. It's measured by what you've learned, how you've changed, and who you're still becoming. Because maybe wisdom isn't about reaching a destination. Maybe it's about learning to appreciate the divots in your own asteroid.

The Morning Ritual That Got Me Through My PhD

Jul 19, 2026 50 min

What if the most important part of your day happens before anyone else knows you're awake? In this episode, I'm sharing the morning ritual that carried me through my PhD—and continues to ground me in this new chapter of my life. This isn't a list of productivity hacks or a "5 a.m. millionaire morning routine." It's a slower, quieter practice built around coffee, books, movement, and a handful of small rituals that remind me who I am before the world starts asking things of me. I walk through my morning from the moment my alarm goes off to the time I leave for work, including the habits I've intentionally built, the ones I've accidentally stumbled into, and how I've adapted them to fit a busy season of teaching, leadership, rehearsals, and podcasting. In this episode, we explore: Why I protect the first hour of my morningThe simple rituals that helped me survive my PhDHow I use rewards—not willpower—to build habits that stickThe books, podcasts, games, and routines that bring me joyWhy I think daily practices reveal what we truly valueHow small, consistent rituals can shape a meaningful lifeIf you've ever wanted to create a morning that feels less rushed and more intentional—or if you're simply curious about the surprisingly specific routine of someone who loves coffee, books, and philosophy—this episode is for you. Sometimes the things that change our lives aren't dramatic at all. Sometimes they're just the quiet rituals we return to every morning.

Mid-Year Check-In (Who are you becoming?)

Jul 12, 2026 1 hr 15 min

What if a mid-year review wasn't about measuring your productivity—but about noticing who you're becoming? In this episode, I take a different approach to the familiar mid-year check-in. Rather than asking whether I've accomplished enough or stayed on track with my goals, I explore a deeper set of questions: How have the past six months changed me? What assumptions have I let go of? Where has my energy been going? And what kind of life am I actually trying to build? Reflecting on the first half of 2026, I share how finishing my PhD, stepping into leadership, launching this podcast, returning to therapy as a client, and navigating changing relationships have reshaped the way I think about achievement, identity, creativity, and success. Along the way, I question our obsession with milestones and argue that the more meaningful measure of a life may not be what we've accomplished—but who we're becoming through our daily choices. In this episode, we explore: Why calendars, birthdays, and "fresh starts" are more socially constructed than we realize How to reflect without turning reflection into self-criticism Identity as something we practice, not just something we possess What your energy, habits, and relationships reveal about your values The difference between building a life you'll appreciate someday and one you enjoy living today Why some dreams should become practices instead of projects Whether you're halfway through the year, celebrating a birthday, or simply finding yourself at a crossroads, this episode offers a different way to pause, reflect, and move forward with intention. Because sometimes the most meaningful question isn't, "What have I achieved?" It's, "Who am I becoming?"

You Can't Pour From an Empty Cup... Or Can You?

Jul 5, 2026 59 min

"You can't pour from an empty cup." We've all heard the phrase. It's become one of the most common reminders to prioritize self-care and avoid burnout. But what if this advice, while well-intentioned, is missing something important? In this episode, I unpack one of today's most popular therapeutic metaphors and ask what happens when we shift our focus away from the individual and toward relationships, reciprocity, and community. Is the solution to burnout always to stop giving? Or have we overlooked the role that other people play in helping sustain us? Drawing from contextual therapy, I explore how we give and receive different kinds of resources—time, attention, emotional labor, cognitive labor, hope, presence, and expertise—and why healthy relationships aren't necessarily equal, but equitable. Along the way, I challenge the idea that self-care is solely an individual responsibility and offer a different way of thinking about what it means to care for one another. In this episode, we explore: Why "you can't pour from an empty cup" may be an incomplete metaphor The difference between self-care and relational care Symmetrical and asymmetrical relationships Reciprocity, fairness, and what we owe one another Why giving doesn't always deplete us—and can sometimes fill us A new metaphor for thinking about care, community, and mutual responsibility What if the answer isn't simply to refill your own cup? What if the more interesting question is how we build communities where no one's cup has to run dry in the first place?

Purpose, Audacity, and Taking Up Space

Jun 28, 2026 44 min

What if purpose isn't something you achieve, but something you practice? In this solo episode, I reflect on why I started this podcast, what happened when I finally published Episode 1, and why waiting until you're confident, ready, or perfect might be the very thing keeping you from doing the work that matters most. Inspired by Florence Given's call for women to be more audacious, I explore my complicated relationship with purpose, self-doubt, achievement, and creative expression. Along the way, I share why I've become increasingly interested in helping people step outside of their own perspectives, how that philosophy shapes my work as a therapist, and why I believe many of our personal and societal struggles stem from our difficulty seeing beyond ourselves. We also talk about: Why purpose is more about daily practice than grand achievements The difference between self-improvement and contributing to something larger than yourself Perspective-taking, conflict, and intellectual humility Why writing scares me more than speaking The fear of having your ideas misunderstood Audacity, vulnerability, and taking up space anyway This episode is, in many ways, a conversation about creation itself: what happens when you stop waiting to feel ready and begin before you're certain. Because maybe purpose isn't something you find. Maybe it's something you live.

You've achieved it! Now, what's next?

Jun 21, 2026 47 min

Welcome to the very first episode of Let's Complicate It. After spending years working toward a PhD, I found myself confronting an unexpected question: Now what? In this episode, I explore the concept of the "arrival fallacy"—the idea that achieving a long-awaited goal often doesn't feel the way we imagine it will—and reflect on what happens when the thing you've been working toward is suddenly behind you. Along the way, I share how earning my doctorate changed the way I think about identity, achievement, ambiguity, and the pressure to always be striving for the next thing. Joined by my partner Tyler (also known as "Alan Sphincter," for reasons that will make sense once you listen), we discuss perfectionism, the challenge of being present, the allure of self-improvement, and why I believe our world desperately needs more nuance, more curiosity, and more willingness to hold multiple perspectives at once. This episode is also an introduction to the podcast itself: what Let's Complicate It is, why I'm creating it, and why I think life's most meaningful questions are rarely solved by simple answers. In this episode: The arrival fallacy and life after a major achievement Finishing a PhD and redefining success Why ambiguity and paradox matter The pressure to constantly improve yourself Identity, perspective-taking, and intellectual humility Why we're starting this podcast in the first place Because life is complicated—and that's exactly where the interesting conversations begin.

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Your Whole Life Isn't Falling Apart

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🇳🇿 Philosophy Best #130

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Podcast details

Created by: Dr. Heather Warren
Status: Active
Latest episode: Nov 8, 2026
Episodes: 20
Release period: Weekly
Avg. episode length: 1 hr 1 min
Explicit: No
Language: English

Links

Official website ↗ Apple Podcasts ↗ RSS feed ↗

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