Jessica Da Silva, LMFT

LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS

A Self-Improvement and Education podcast

#171 in Self-Improvement · 🇺🇸 #173 in Self-Improvement · 🇩🇰

About the show

I’m Jessica Da Silva—a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Attachment Coach, and author—here to help you transform the way you experience love through practical, relatable insight. Along with breaking down attachment styles in an easy-to-understand way, I share my own personal journey of moving toward secure attachment, real client stories, conversations with guest experts, and tools you can use to heal and create healthier relationships. Coaching: https://jessicadasilvacoaching.com/ Instagram: @thejessicadasilva Tiktok: @jessicadasilvacoaching Email: hello@jessicadasilvacoaching.com

Newest episodes

Does Unconditional Love Mean Accepting Everything?

Nov 11, 2026 24 min

Can you love someone unconditionally and still feel unfulfilled in the relationship? In this episode, I share my personal experience of navigating the conflict between commitment, moral obligation, and honoring my own truth. We explore the difference between unconditional love and relational fulfillment, why having emotional needs doesn't make your love conditional, and how to recognize when acceptance turns into self-abandonment. Because you can genuinely love someone and still recognize that the relationship isn't meeting your needs. Learn more about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with me: https://www.jessicadasilvacoaching.com/

Anxious vs. Avoidant Attachment: Why You Keep Having the Same Argument

Nov 2, 2026 17 min

One of you wants to talk, the other pulls away and somehow you’re having the same argument again. In this episode, we explore the anxious–avoidant cycle, with personal reflections and relatable examples of how it unfolds. Learn how to ask for connection, communicate your need for space, and use “What Would Secure Me Do?™” to practice a different response. Attachment Coaching with Jessica.

Emotional Awareness Versus Emotional Maturity

Oct 14, 2026 15 min

You know your attachment style and understand your triggers, but still fall into the same patterns. In this episode, I share personal experiences and relatable examples to explore emotional awareness versus emotional maturity, and how to move from explaining your reactions to pausing, communicating, and repairing. Learn about attachment coaching with Jessica one-on-one here.

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All episodes

Does Unconditional Love Mean Accepting Everything?

Nov 11, 2026 24 min

Anxious vs. Avoidant Attachment: Why You Keep Having the Same Argument

Nov 2, 2026 17 min

Emotional Awareness Versus Emotional Maturity

Oct 14, 2026 15 min

Your Needs Are Valid...And So Are Their Limits

Oct 8, 2026 12 min

Are you asking for too much or asking someone who can’t give you what you need? In this episode, we explore the difference between valid needs and unrealistic expectations, how to ask without pressuring, and when to accept someone’s limits or walk away. Your needs matter. So does their capacity. Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

What Each Attachment Style Sacrifices to Stay in a Relationship

Oct 5, 2026 14 min

What does your attachment style cause you to sacrifice in order to keep a relationship? In this episode, I explore how anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment can influence what we tolerate, give up, or mistake for “healing” in relationships, and how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself. We’ll also explore one important question: What is this relationship costing me to stay? --> Work with me: Apply for 1:1 Attachment Coaching --> Go deeper: Join my What Would Secure Me Do? Substack for attachment exercises, prompts, and practical tools to help you build more secure relationships.

Dating Securely After Loving an Avoidant

Sep 22, 2026 15 min

Dating after loving an avoidant can change the way you experience connection, chemistry, and even security. In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned personally and professionally about dating more securely—without letting old attachment patterns choose for you. Ready to go deeper with your attachment patterns? Learn more about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with me.

Dating Securely After Loving an Anxious Attacher

Sep 10, 2026 18 min

In this episode, I’m talking about what it looks like to date securely after loving someone with anxious attachment. We’ll explore how an anxious relationship can shape the way you experience closeness, independence, reassurance, and even another person’s disappointment—and how those experiences can follow you into future relationships. I also unpack the difference between healthy relational needs and emotional overdependence, where avoidant patterns may need accountability too, and how to stop carrying old relationship fears into new connections. Because healing isn’t about finding someone who needs nothing from you—it’s learning how to create interdependence, where you can love someone, honor their needs, and still remain connected to yourself. If you’ve ever wondered, “Was I abandoning myself, or was intimacy simply asking me to stretch?” this episode will help you begin separating the two—and come back to the question: What Would Secure Me Do?® Learn about Personalized Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Secure Attachment Taught Me Discernment

Aug 31, 2026 23 min

In this episode, I’m talking about one of the biggest lessons secure attachment has taught me: discernment. I share how my past relationship patterns shaped the way I chose love, how I’ve learned to separate attachment wounds from genuine incompatibility, and why becoming more secure sometimes means choosing self-trust, patience, and alignment over immediate connection. --> Get Personalized Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Temperament vs. Attachment: Are You Really Anxious or Avoidant?

Aug 24, 2026 20 min

In this episode, we’re exploring the difference between temperament and attachment and how qualities like independence, sensitivity, introversion, emotional intensity, or a need for connection can interact with our attachment wounds. We’ll also talk about what happens when two people’s temperaments continually trigger each other, and how to distinguish between something that needs healing and a genuine compatibility issue. For further support: The Secure Self Toolkit: https://www.jessicadasilvacoaching.com/secure-self-kit Personalized Attachment Coaching: https://www.jessicadasilvacoaching.com/coach-with-me-2

The Avoidant's Biggest Lie: "I'm Trapped"

Aug 8, 2026 14 min

Why does healthy love sometimes feel suffocating? In this episode, we're exploring one of the biggest misconceptions behind avoidant attachment: the belief that feeling trapped automatically means something is wrong with the relationship. Together, we'll unpack how childhood experiences, attachment wounds, and our nervous system can cause us to mistake closeness for control, compromise for self-neglect, and normal relationship needs for losing ourselves. You'll learn how to distinguish between the prison created by your own mind and a relationship that is genuinely unhealthy—so you can begin making decisions from clarity rather than fear. Resources: ✨ The Secure Self Toolkit (guided meditations, communication scripts, nervous system exercises, and practical attachment tools):https://www.jessicadasilvacoaching.com/secure-self-kit 🤍 Book an Attachment Coaching Clarity Call if you're ready for personalized support:

The Ugly Truth About Healing Attachment Wounds

Jun 26, 2026 13 min

You finally meet someone who's consistent, emotionally available, and genuinely cares about you... so why does your nervous system want to run? In this episode, I break down why healing attachment wounds often feels more uncomfortable before it feels secure. We'll explore what's happening in your brain and nervous system, why healthy love can feel threatening when it's unfamiliar, and how to stop sabotaging the very relationship you've been hoping for. ✨ Ready to become more secure? 🩵 Secure Self Toolkit (Attachment Style Profile, Secure Self Blueprint, Trigger Guide, Communication Scripts, 30-Day Plan & 12+ Rewiring Meditations):Toolkit Link 📞 Book a Free Attachment Coaching Consultation:Consultation Link Remember to keep asking yourself:"What would Secure Me do?"

What God Taught Me About Secure Attachment

Jun 14, 2026 8 min

In this episode, I share what God taught me about secure attachment, why people will inevitably let us down, and how finding security in something greater than ourselves can transform the way we experience love and relationships.💛 Just getting started? Check out the Secure Self Toolkit for attachment rewiring meditations, communication scripts, a trigger guide, and practical tools to help you become your most secure self.📞 Looking for personalized support? Book a Free Consultation to learn more about attachment coaching.Secure Self Toolkit Free Consultation

Lessons From Dating an Avoidant and an Anxious Partner

Jun 10, 2026 13 min

In this episode, I share the lessons I've learned from dating both avoidant and anxious partners, how each relationship highlighted different areas for growth, and why the goal isn't hyper-independence or over-dependence—but healthy interdependence.If you enjoyed this episode and are ready to start creating healthier patterns in your love life, check out my Secure Self Toolkit, filled with attachment rewiring meditations, communication scripts, a trigger guide, and practical tools to help you become your most secure self.Looking for personalized support? You can also book a Free Clarity Call to learn more about working with me one-on-one. Get the Secure Self Toolkit Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica

Why Anxious + Avoidant Relationships Can Work

Jun 5, 2026 17 min

Are anxious and avoidant relationships really doomed, or have we oversimplified the conversation? In this episode, Jessica explores why attachment styles alone don't determine relationship success, the difference between unhealthy and challenging relationships, and how self-awareness, communication, and growth can help anxious and avoidant partners create a healthier dynamic together. 💛 Work with Jessica 1:1 ✨ Try Jessica's Attachment Rewiring Meditations FREE for 7 Days

The Paradox of Avoidant Healing: Learning to Lean Into Intimacy Despite the Fear

May 12, 2026 12 min

In this episode, we explore the paradox of avoidant healing and why intimacy can feel both deeply comforting and deeply threatening at the same time. We talk about: why avoidant attachers often push away the very connection they desirethe fear of dependency, vulnerability, and losshow hyper-independence has disconnected many of us from healthy emotional reliancewhy intimacy is so much more than sexand how safe relationships can biologically reshape the way we experience love over timeThis is a raw and honest conversation about fear, closeness, healing, and learning how to slowly lean into intimacy despite the risk. Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching here. Get the Secure Self Kit here.

Building Connection From Stability, Not Emotional Need

Apr 21, 2026 15 min

Why do we crave connection so deeply… yet feel so unstable in relationships? In this episode, I dive into the difference between seeking love from emotional need versus a grounded, secure place within yourself. I share my personal journey—from feeling anxious, reactive, and lost in relationships to developing what I now call the Secure Self—and how this shift changed everything. We’ll explore how your past experiences shape your attachment patterns, why your needs aren’t the problem, and how self-sabotaging behaviors like overthinking, chasing, or shutting down are often driven by insecure parts of you trying to stay safe. Most importantly, I’ll walk you through practical ways to begin building emotional stability so you can show up in relationships without losing yourself. **Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

The Avoidant Experience: Love, Numbness & Inner Conflict With Bilnita Armstead

Mar 29, 2026 36 min

In this episode, I sit down with Bilnita Armstead, a listener of the podcast, who shares her experience navigating a dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment style. We talk about how early relationship patterns, often learned from our parents, shaped her view of love and connection, and how getting hurt in relationships led her to become emotionally numb and avoidant. She opens up about the push-pull dynamic, feeling secure when single but deeply triggered in relationships, and the mental torment that can come with it—including overthinking, relationship OCD, and constantly questioning feelings. We also explore how things like intense butterflies, cheating as a coping mechanism, and black-and-white thinking played a role in her patterns. Most importantly, this conversation normalizes these experiences and highlights the shift into learning how to sit in the “gray space,” develop self-awareness, and begin showing yourself grace as you heal and move toward more secure ways of relating.

The Attachment Rollercoaster: How to Feel Without Losing Control

Mar 20, 2026 15 min

In this episode, we explore why love can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—full of intense highs and painful lows. You’ll learn how different attachment styles shape your reactions in relationships and, more importantly, how to stay grounded, self-regulate, and feel deeply without losing yourself in the process. Learn about 1-1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Feeling Like You’re the Problem in an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship

Feb 24, 2026 12 min

In this episode, we unpack why anxious attachers often feel like they’re “too much” in relationships — especially when paired with avoidants. I break down how this dynamic creates a distorted sense of responsibility, why you’re not actually the problem, and how unmet needs drive anxious expression. We’ll also cover how to find balance, when it’s time to walk away, and what both anxious and avoidant partners can do to create healthier, more secure connection. Work with Jessica 1-1 HERE.

Anxious & Avoidant: The Intellectual Intimacy Trap

Feb 17, 2026 16 min

In this episode, we explore the intellectual intimacy illusion — the trap many anxious and avoidant pairings fall into when deep conversations and shared ideas feel like emotional connection, but something essential is still missing. I unpack the difference between feeling mentally understood versus emotionally seen, why anxious and avoidant dynamics often bond through intellect, and how this can create confusion about real compatibility. I also share personal reflections from my own relationship experience and explain why insight alone isn’t enough to create emotional safety. If you’ve ever wondered why a connection felt so strong but still left you feeling unseen, this episode is for you. Book a free Clarity Call to learn about 1-1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

From Insight to Real Change in Attachment Patterns

Feb 9, 2026 17 min

A grounded conversation about why insight alone doesn’t change attachment patterns, and how real healing happens through consistent, embodied action. Learn about 1-1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Secure Dating vs. Survival Dating

Jan 12, 2026 12 min

Modern dating is exhausting because most people are dating from nervous-system survival mode instead of from their Secure Self. In this episode, I break down the difference between survival dating and secure dating, why swipe culture keeps anxious and avoidant patterns alive, and what it actually looks like to date from clarity, safety, and self-trust. You’ll learn how to recognize when your attachment system is running the show, why chemistry alone can keep you stuck in burnout cycles, and practical ways to shift into values-led, regulated, secure dating — even in today’s dating landscape. Download Satya here. Learn about 1-1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

How Your Attachment Style Was Formed

Dec 28, 2025 18 min

In this episode, we explore how your attachment style was formed and why you experience love the way you do. You’ll learn what emotional attunement is, how early connection shaped your nervous system, and why your patterns in relationships aren’t who you are—they’re adaptations. Learn about 1-1 attachment coaching with Jessica here.

It Wasn’t The Avoidant: Healing The Parts That Made You Lose Yourself with Alix B. (Client Stories)

Dec 8, 2025 49 min

In this episode, I sit down with a former coaching client to unpack the all-too-common experience of losing yourself in a relationship, especially when you have an anxious attachment style. We talk about what happens when you prioritize your partner over your own needs, slowly sideline your friendships, and stay committed to someone whose words say one thing but whose actions say another. She shares her journey of loving the “nice” avoidant (the kind who isn’t malicious, but deeply unavailable) and the painful uncertainty of realizing that even a kind partner may still be unable to meet your needs. Together, we explore how every relationship becomes a mirror for what you truly want, especially if you didn’t grow up with healthy role models… and how stepping into secure attachment requires both courage and accountability. She also shares the tools that helped her rebuild her confidence, navigate singlehood with empowerment, and finally create a relationship with herself that feels trusting, grounded, and whole. Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Six Habits of Securely Attached People (And How You Can Learn Them)

Nov 28, 2025 19 min

Secure attachment isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you can learn. Today, we’re walking through six habits that define secure individuals and how you can begin embodying them, no matter your starting point. If you’re craving healthier love, deeper self-trust, and emotional stability, this episode is your roadmap. Get 75% off the My Secure Self E-Course here. (Offer ends 11/30) Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

When Abandonment Is Emotional, Not Physical

Nov 9, 2025 15 min

Abandonment isn’t always about someone leaving. Sometimes, it’s about being unseen, unheard, or emotionally dismissed by the people closest to us. In this episode, I explore what emotional abandonment looks like, how it shapes our attachment style, and what we can do to begin healing from it. If you’re ready to break free from patterns of abandonment and feel secure within yourself and your relationships, you can learn about 1-1 Attachment Coaching with me here.

Healing Your Attachment Through God with Gretchen Costanzo

Oct 14, 2025 37 min

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with Gretchen Costanzo, a certified integrative attachment coach and creator of the Living Connected Method, to talk about what it means to create a secure relationship with God — and how transformational that can be for your healing and relationships. We explore how God can become your steady rock, the connection between faith and secure attachment, and what it looks like to date from a place of spiritual security and emotional grounding. Whether you’re rebuilding your faith or curious about how your relationship with God shapes your attachment patterns, this conversation will meet you right where you are. Contact Gretchen: https://attachment.coach/ Gretchencostanzo@gmail.com Attachment Coaching with Jessica: Book a free clarity call here @thejessicadasilva

Passive vs. Rigid Anxious Attacher: Two Faces of Anxious Attachment

Oct 4, 2025 17 min

Not all anxious attachers look the same. In this episode, I explore the Passive Anxious Attacher, who protects against loss by shrinking back, and the Rigid Anxious Attacher, who holds on tightly to feel secure. You’ll learn how to tell the difference, why both stem from the same fear of abandonment, and how to begin moving toward secure connection. 💛 Learn more about my Attachment Coaching Services or book a free Clarity Call through the link here.

Passive vs. Rigid Avoidant Attacher: Two Faces of Avoidant Attachment

Sep 28, 2025 17 min

Not all avoidants look the same. In this episode, I break down the two common ways avoidant attachment shows up in relationships: the Passive Avoidant, who protects themselves by shrinking back, and the Rigid Avoidant, who protects themselves through control and high standards. You’ll learn how to spot the difference, why it matters, and how each can begin moving toward more secure and fulfilling relationships. Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here. Instagram: @thejessicadasilva Client Stories

What Does Relationship Compatibility Really Mean?

Sep 5, 2025 29 min

In this episode of Let’s Talk Attachments, we dive into what compatibility in relationships really means—and why it matters so much more than chemistry alone. I’ll break down how to recognize true alignment in core values, lifestyle choices, emotional needs, and long-term goals, and share practical ways anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure attachers can assess compatibility in their dating lives. Whether you’ve been swept up by sparks before or want to avoid repeating old patterns, this episode will help you slow down, see clearly, and choose relationships that actually support the love and life you want to build. *Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Going Deep Too Soon vs. Secure Pacing in Dating

Aug 22, 2025 14 min

Diving deep too quickly in dating can feel exciting, but it often creates premature emotional bonds that blur your judgment of compatibility. In this episode, I explore why anxious and fearful avoidant attachers are especially prone to oversharing, rushing intimacy, and confusing emotional closeness with true alignment. You’ll learn practical ways to pace yourself—so you can stay authentic while also assessing compatibility with clarity and balance. *Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

How I Molded Myself to Be a Magnet for Avoidant Partners

Aug 16, 2025 11 min

In this episode, I open up about how I subconsciously molded myself to attract avoidant partners and how that pattern was rooted in my earliest experiences of love. I share how I learned to appear “cool,” independent, and unattached in order to feel wanted, and why that left me feeling disconnected and unfulfilled in relationships. If you’ve ever found yourself downplaying your needs, pretending to be more “chill” than you are, or attracting people who can’t meet your emotional depth, this episode will help you reflect on those hidden patterns. My hope is that it gives you insight into your own subconscious motivations, clarity about how you’ve been showing up in love, and encouragement to realign with your authentic, secure self. * Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Thriving at Work Struggling in Love With Carly Ann

Jul 31, 2025 44 min

Why is it that ambitious, successful women can thrive in their careers but feel lost in love?In this episode, Attachment Therapist and Coach Carly Ann joins me to explore the emotional disconnect that many high-achieving women experience in relationships. We dive into: How codependency is hardwired into our understanding of love The difference between caring for a partner vs. trying to fix or save them Why the skills that make you successful at work can backfire in romance How scarcity thinking keeps you stuck in unsatisfying dynamics Shifting from anxiety to emotional responsibility in relationships Understanding overreactions, jealousy, and shame through the lens of attachment science If you’ve ever wondered why you feel powerful in every area except your love life, this conversation is for you.

Growing Pains of Becoming Securely Attached

Jul 22, 2025 10 min

This week on the podcast, we’re talking about the growing pains of becoming securely attached.⁣ It’s not just sunshine and inner peace—real healing requires honesty, self-responsibility, and often, some very uncomfortable shifts. Whether it’s walking away from misaligned connections, holding firmer boundaries, or realizing that peace is better than intensity… becoming secure means learning to trust yourself, even when it’s hard.⁣ If you’ve been wondering why this healing journey feels so tough sometimes—this episode is for you. You’re not broken, you’re growing 💛 *Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

How Avoidant Attachment Can Lead to Selfish Tendencies

Jul 15, 2025 8 min

We often talk about the emotional distance of avoidant attachers—but what if that “selfishness” is actually a protective coping mechanism? In this episode, I unpack how avoidant attachment can stem from emotional neglect and how hyper-independence becomes a substitute for unmet emotional needs. I share a personal story, common patterns I see in clients, and why adjusting expectations (on both sides) is key for healthy, interdependent relationships. Whether you’re dating someone avoidant or navigating your own avoidant patterns, this episode will help you better understand the “why” behind the behavior—and how to create more compassion and clarity in your relationships. *Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE.

How Anxious Attachment Can Lead to Selfish Tendencies

Jul 9, 2025 9 min

What if some of your anxious attachment behaviors are actually rooted in…selfishness? Not because you don’t care—but because fear can make everything feel urgent and all about you. In this episode, I share my own hard truths, the rigid expectations I used to set, and how healing started when I finally saw the bigger picture. This one’s for anyone ready to trade “me-focused” survival patterns for truly secure connection. 💛 Learn about Attachment Coaching with me HERE.

How Avoidance Sabotaged My Dating Life and What I Did About It With Lexi Stout (Client Stories)

Jul 1, 2025 28 min

Today on the podcast, we’re joined by Lexi Stout—a former coaching client who opens up about her journey of recognizing how her avoidant attachment style was impacting her dating life, and what she’s been doing to break old patterns and move toward healthy relationships. We dive into: How her avoidant attachment kept her stuck in unfulfilling situationships Learning to open her heart and receive love Breaking the habit of hyper-independence and accepting support Confronting her avoidance and becoming more assertive in communication Navigating her first mature, secure relationship with confidence Tune in for a raw, relatable, and inspiring conversation about healing, self-awareness, and growth in love. *Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

What If Your Attachment Style Isn’t What You Thought?

Jun 23, 2025 9 min

Ever taken an attachment quiz and thought, “Yup, I’m anxious”… only to find yourself totally avoidant once real intimacy kicks in? In this episode, I dive into why your feelings might say one thing, but your behaviors—especially under stress—reveal the real story. I’m sharing insights, patterns to look for, and a personal dating example that might sound all too familiar. Let’s untangle the truth together. Learn about attachment coaching with Jessica here. Instagram: @thejessicadasilva

The Unspoken Pain of Avoidant Attachment

May 19, 2025 43 min

In this episode, we explore the hidden struggles behind avoidant attachment through a candid conversation with someone who’s lived it. We discuss: 🔹 Why he resisted change in past relationships — believing emotional distance was a strength🔹 How self-protection became self-disconnection🔹 The breakup that made him realize his avoidant patterns were the root cause🔹 Why avoidants do love deeply — and how fear keeps it buried🔹 Reconnecting to his emotional self and finding fulfilling love🔹 Closure for anyone hurt by someone with avoidant attachment This one is for anyone who’s struggled to love — or be loved — with a guarded heart. Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE.

What Dating Securely Has Taught Me

May 13, 2025 15 min

In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey. As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move through dating with much more self-trust, clarity, and compassion. But that doesn’t mean the old patterns don’t still surface — especially when connection, chemistry, and unmet needs collide. I’ll walk you through how I navigated this dynamic from a secure place, the conversations I had, and ultimately, how I honored myself enough to walk away when alignment wasn’t there — even when it felt good in the moment. If you’ve ever struggled to balance attraction with long-term compatibility, or felt pulled between your heart and your values, this episode is for you. Takeaways include: The difference between chemistry and compatibility How to identify your unmet needs in real time Why even "kind and available" people might not be the right fit What it looks like to actually date from your secure self How to exit with integrity when your paths don’t align 🎧 Plus: Only 2 more days to join the My Secure Self Membership for just $1 your first month! Get access to group coaching, monthly workshops, and tools to help you build secure, aligned relationships HERE. Looking for 1:1 support, learn more about attachment coaching here.

Letting Go of Unavailable Love: Meghan’s Journey to Security (Client Stories)

May 6, 2025 32 min

Today on the podcast, we’re joined by the lovely Meghan Gatto. Meghan went through the My Secure Self group coaching program this past summer with the goal of deepening her understanding of anxious attachment — and learning practical tools to break unhealthy relationship patterns. In this episode, we dive into: Breaking the cycle of anxious attachmentAttraction to avoidant partners—and how to stop thatHow your body signals when you’re in the wrong relationshipApproaching dating from a secure lensKnowing your needs, raising your standards, and setting boundariesAnd we finish off with my signature Secure Self visualization to help you shift from anxious to secure attachment My Secure Self Membership - Join for $1 today 🎉 1:1 Attachment Coaching

Healing Anxious Attachment and Learning to Be Okay Alone With Joe Reilly (Client Stories)

Mar 17, 2025 52 min

Today, I’m excited to introduce Joe Reilly, an incredible human and former coaching client of mine, who has been actively working to break his anxious attachment patterns and step into his secure self. We dive into: The challenges of anxious attachmentHis pattern of dating avoidant partners and where that inclination comes fromHealing through a recent breakupLearning to be okay with being aloneHow he’s been building a secure relationship with himself through this season so that he can be more intentional about his next partner, rather than make decisions from a place of scarcity or insecurity. If you’re looking for a heartfelt conversation about attachment, healing, and self-growth, this episode is for you. Contact Joe Reilly: www.joereilly.org Instagram: @joereillymusic Attachment Coaching with Jessica: 1-1 Attachment Coaching (8-weeks) My Secure Self E-Course

How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship to Money With Shamina Taylor

Mar 12, 2025 50 min

If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you know I love exploring how attachment styles impact all areas of life—not just relationships with people. Through my own healing work, I’ve noticed that as I became more secure and confident within myself, that same transformation began to reflect in my relationship with everything—including money! That’s why I invited Shamina Taylor, a former attorney turned Wealth Consciousness Mentor and author of the Amazon #1 Best Seller Unlocking The Quantum Woman, to share her expertise on: How attachment styles influence our relationship with moneyThe importance of wealth consciousnessUnderstanding masculine and feminine energy in making moneyHow a scarcity mindset—whether with people or money—keeps us stuck in insecure attachment patternsPractical tips to shift your attachment to money and open yourself to more abundance Find Shamina: Daily CEO Money Making Moves www.shaminataylor.com Instagram: @shaminataylor Podcast: Unapologetically Rich Attachment Coaching with Jessica: 1-1 Attachment Coaching (8-weeks) My Secure Self E-Course

Commitment vs. Compatibility: Are You in the Right Relationship?

Mar 6, 2025 14 min

In this episode, I explore the difference between commitment and compatibility, sharing my personal experience navigating these challenges in a past relationship. I also discuss how to recognize the distinction, helping you better assess whether you’re in the right relationship. Learn about attachment coaching with me here.

Saying "No" to Emotional Unavailability and "Yes" to Secure Love With Sabrina Zohar

Feb 20, 2025 48 min

Today on the podcast, I'm joined by dating coach Sabrina Zohar—best known for her transformative podcast, The Sabrina Zohar Show. She brings a no-nonsense, straightforward approach to relationship advice. In this episode, we discuss: Sabrina’s journey from anxious to secure attachment. The reality of managing anxiety—it doesn’t just disappear. The power of nervous system regulation for those with anxious attachment. How to spot emotional unavailability in dating. Low-effort vs. high-effort behaviors in dating & relationships. Key qualities to look for in a secure partnership. Tune in for insightful and actionable advice on building healthier relationships! Contact Sabrina Zohar: www.sabrinazohar.com Instagram: @thesabrinazoharshow Podcast: The Sabrina Zohar Show TikTok: Sabrina.zohar Youtube: Sabrina Zohar Work With Jessica: 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE My Secure Self E-Course (Self-Study) Instagram: @thejessicadasilva

Embracing The Messy, Non-Linear Path of Grief With Melina Charis

Feb 12, 2025 45 min

Today on the podcast we have Melina Charis. She is a writer and mentor for women moving through grief and heartbreak. She has 10+ years experience with ceremonial + somatic healing practices and 6+ years experience holding space for others, but her greatest teachers by far have been motherhood, death, grief and life itself. We cover: Grieving breakups, death, identity shifts, and more.How unprocessed grief manifests in daily life.The ways grief can resurface years later.Understanding that grief is an ongoing process.What it truly means to process grief.Different healing approaches and ways to move through grief. *Find Melina’s offerings at melinacharis.com and read her writing at [/14b27051b990809ab0a4e21d62ab80a3?pvs=25]melinacharis.substack.com. *Learn about attachment Coaching with JessicaHERE.

1-Year Breakup Update: A Personal Reflection

Feb 4, 2025 23 min

If you've been following my breakup journey, I wanted to share an update on my healing process now that it's been 1 year. My hope is that this gives you insight into the grief cycle, the messiness of healing, and reassurance that things do get better. Work With Me : Attachment Coaching - ⁠CLICK HERE⁠ Previous recorded break-up updates: - Recovering From Heartbreak - 8 Month Update (Through a Secure Lens) - Recovering From Heartbreak - (Through a Secure Lens) Almost 6 Month Update -To Stay or Breakup - Leaving My Relationship of 6 Years

Is It Them or Me? Separating My Avoidant Fears With Randy Hamama (Client Stories)

Jan 6, 2025 47 min

In today’s episode, former client and dismissive avoidant attacher Randy Hamama shares his journey of navigating insecurities in a new relationship. He discusses common avoidant struggles, such as discerning fears from authentic desires, staying present when the urge to withdraw arises, identifying what makes a partner feel safe for avoidants, and understanding when it’s worth staying with an avoidant partner or when it’s time to walk away. Whether you have an avoidant attachment style or are in a relationship with someone who does, this conversation offers valuable insights and practical takeaways. Learn about attachment coaching with Jessica here.

How Our Attachment Style Influences Our Relationship to Food and our Body With Vanessa Scaringi and Kathryn Garland

Dec 17, 2024 50 min

Today on the podcast, Vanessa Scaringi, PhD, CEDS-C, a licensed psychologist and certified eating disorder specialist supervisor, and Kathryn Garland, LCSW-S, CEDS-C, a clinical social worker and certified eating disorder specialist supervisor, discuss: How attachment styles influence our relationship with our body and eating habits How different attachment styles may experience eating disorders The impact of early relational experiences on eating behaviors Tools to heal and rebuild a positive relationship with your body And so much more! Vanessa and both co-own a group practice Calm Counseling in Austin Texas that specializes in the treatment of disordered eating and body image issues. Contact Vanessa and Kathryn: www.keepcalmtx.com Instagram: @calmcounselingatx Work with Jessica: www.jessicadasilvacoaching.com Instagram: @thejessicadasilvacoaching

From Heartbreak to Finding Love With Hannah Flynn (Client Stories)

Dec 2, 2024 43 min

In today's episode, the wonderful Hannah Flynn, a former client of mine, shares her journey of navigating her avoidant attachment style, overcoming deception and heartbreak, and ultimately finding healthy, secure love. We discuss: The challenges of communication with an avoidant attachment style. The importance of addressing conflict rather than avoiding it to maintain peace. The pain of being deceived in a trusted relationship. Learning your relationship needs and desires through trial and error. The journey to finding love again. Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

See all 164 episodes

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Podcast details

Created by: Jessica Da Silva, LMFT
Status: Active
Latest episode: Nov 11, 2026
Episodes: 164
Release period: Every two weeks
Avg. episode length: 30 min
Explicit: No
Language: English

Links

Official website ↗ Apple Podcasts ↗ RSS feed ↗

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