Bauer Media

Simon Mayo's Confessions

A Comedy podcast

About the show

Hilarious revelations from a new generation of sinners, willing to share their secrets in search of forgiveness with Father Simon and the Confessional Collective. Expect tales of greed, debauchery, deception, and honest mistakes including those confessions we could never broadcast on Greatest Hits Radio.

Newest episodes

Cry me a river & other tales

Nov 6, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for an episode that begins with hoodies-at-the-Vatican chat, and the small matter of Sister Holly’s breaking news: she’s engaged.From the crypt: Malcolm recounts an early-80s Sydney night out that ends in a furniture showroom, a waterbed “Cluedo session”… and the New South Wales Police arriving in force thanks to a very vigorous infrared alarm trigger.Plus: Trevor attempts to chat up a French girl in Magaluf using nothing but schoolboy phrases about dogs, chickens and tigers.And there’s Homer's terry-towelling nappy disaster of truly explosive proportions, plus Debbie’s “Curse of the Crying Boy” prank that absolutely terrifies her mum.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Red, Gold and Green & other tales

Oct 30, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective, as Halloween looms and the nation’s trick-or-treat etiquette comes under serious (and slightly satsuma-based) scrutiny.First up: Sue’s toilet tale, as she takes drastic action against an all-male household’s bathroom crimes… with consequences for everyone, including the dog.Then Paul faces a full-blown chameleon calamity when Cami escapes and ends up having a fluorescent curtain-induced Farrow & Ball crisis.Plus: Constable Knappweed “solves” a burglary with accidental red paint footprints, and Matt’s banking app verification turns into a sleep-deprived, unbuttoned disaster.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Pick a pocket or two & other tales

Oct 23, 2026 38 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for another allegedly coherent episode. Bev relives a mixed-hockey tournament pool night in Wakefield, then it’s back to 1969 as Biffo and Buster conduct a science experiment involving fireworks and cow pat. Plus: a 70s house party, “a packet of Planters” confusion, and a public-school Oliver! medley that pushes one housemaster too far. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

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All episodes

Cry me a river & other tales

Nov 6, 2026 40 min

Red, Gold and Green & other tales

Oct 30, 2026 40 min

Pick a pocket or two & other tales

Oct 23, 2026 38 min

Cluedo Special - Confessions from the Crypt

Oct 16, 2026 38 min

It’s a very, very special edition of Simon Mayo’s Confessions… a Cluedo special. Five classic confessions are reopened from the crypt, featuring suspicious behaviour on quiet country roads, RAF Police patrols “hunting” late-night Cluedo enthusiasts, and Storm Doris scattering some extremely awkward bin evidence across an English garden. Plus: the Keymaster of ’94 reveals the fatal flaw in a southwest Wales caravan park key system (and the unfortunate elderly couple who walked in at the worst possible moment). And finally, the confession that started it all: Max, the conservatory, Colonel Mustard… and three-and-a-half years of truly despicable behaviour. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Size of a cow & other tales

Oct 9, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective. Mike takes us back to 1971, where a cow’s eye from biology class ends up hiding under a canteen lettuce leaf… with Big Cath, Carol-with-an-E. Then Babs squeezes into her teenage daughter’s favourite dress, enjoys 30 seconds of catwalk glory but it all end terribly. Plus: there's a bus-shelter “coolant” taste test, and Steve’s Frankenstein-inspired plan to rejuvenate Gran with copper wire and a lightning storm. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

There's no one quite like grandma & other tales

Oct 2, 2026 42 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly, Sister Suzi and Brother Matthew for Episode 7 of Season 8… and yes, the numbering is definitely, probably, completely accurate.Thomas confesses to an 80s campaign of fake-spider terror against his devout granny. Doris’s mum admits to tackling the messiest teenage bedroom on earth. Plus: a 1973 sponsored walk sabotaged with reversed arrows, and a Scottish council depot prank that has grown men shouting “PAPER TOWELS NOW!” at a metal box.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Welcome to the lion’s den & other tales

Sep 25, 2026 39 min

It’s a distinctly international trip into the confessional this week with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective. Craig kicks things off from behind the pharmacy counter in 1989, when an eager attempt to help a customer find “green ones” turns into a mortifying party‑poppers misunderstanding… Then ex‑RAF Police Corporal Binky Blythe teaches an Italian driver a “romantic” phrase that ends up being delivered to the Admiral’s wife. Plus: Nev’s compost‑heap ashes swap, and William’s French chemist translation help that accidentally escalates into Bon Saint‑Bernard deep‑heat justice. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Bad to the bone & other tales

Sep 18, 2026 42 min

Episode five of Season Eight drops Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back into the confessional for more chaos, dodgy logic, and the kind of stories that definitely shouldn’t be told… but are.Joe buys his daughter a life-size skeleton, commits fully by building it a coffin (complete with nameplate: “Mr Bone, RIP”), then watches it reappear in the worst possible place after a house fire — terrifying an insurance loss adjuster and some very shocked onlookers.Plus: Nigel’s 1979 school trip to Amsterdam that ends with the Dutch police being called, Dave’s “perfect peach” decorating job, and Gretchen’s free-range 1960s Yorkshire childhood gang — complete with singed eyebrows.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Welcome to the house of fun & other tales

Sep 11, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of chaos, questionable life choices, and very loud studio drinks.Karen takes us back to late-70s school rule rebellion with a changing-room ear‑piercing “side hustle” run by Penny the Piercer… using mum’s sewing pins as the “earrings”.Then Steve relives a painfully awkward trip to Boots in Newquay, where asking for “party poppers” becomes a full-blown Small, Medium or Large misunderstanding.Plus: Joanne’s revenge corned beef hash with a feline twist, and Marina’s spectacular swimming pool disaster involving a glass-topped table, a smashed poolside, and a very quick exit.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Toads in your bed and pepper in your tea & other tales

Sep 4, 2026 46 min

Episode three of Season Eight sees Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back in the studio for more chaos, coat chat, and questionable decision-making. First: a “guilty and apologetic teacher” (aka Mr Schneebly) reveals how one forgotten gold-plated anniversary pen — and a suit-jacket mix-up mid-interview — may have cost another candidate their dream job… and accidentally won him his. Then Paula takes us to early-90s LA with the “naughty nannies” and a drunken trouser swap that leaves one poor bloke stranded in a loo, later raging for his “pants”. Plus: Sid’s rubber cobra prank on Nan, and James’ local radio “hero” surprise that goes catastrophically wrong in the rain. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

This is the time for action & other tales

Aug 28, 2026 42 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of confessions.Alf takes us to South Africa’s “Valley of a Thousand Hills” for a bit of teenage snake-hunting that ends with a biology master going absolutely white. Boomslang, anyone?Rose fights back against a scamp wrecking the ladies’ loo… with a “grown-ups” magazine placed at eye level, and one very memorable yelp.Plus: a Swiss bake sale accidentally becomes an open bar, and Bob the double bass player recounts 1976 Romania — jeans, Pink Floyd, broken windows, and an international pillow fight.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Right on baby & other tales

Aug 21, 2026 39 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy Collective as Season Eight kicks off — minus Brother Matt, who’s apparently busy in his orangery.First up, a “medical emergency” on a quiet Oxfordshire B-road turns into yet another in-progress game of Cluedo… complete with a horn, a thumbs up, and a very hasty getaway.Then Rob hides in the back of the “wrong” VW Beetle outside a chippy and nearly causes a bus-worthy disaster.Plus: an RAF Hercules engine test blows a captain off his bike, and a Costa Rican orange-knee tarantula prank sparks police panic and a South Wales Echo headline.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Every grain of sand & other tales

Jul 31, 2026 47 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for cassette-tape sabotage, 80s vanity, and a honeymoon story you can’t un-hear. “Timothy” takes revenge on late-night Madonna singalongs by planting a whispered haunting on a Like a Virgin cassette… with consequences that end in a smashed stereo and a house move. Felicity discovers her mulleted boyfriend is “playing Cluedo” and delivers a tiny contact-lens payback before dumping him for good. Plus: Donald’s RAF “orange goo” disaster melts a visitor’s jacket, and Hilary’s Rome honeymoon scallops lead to an unfortunate bidet-towel incident. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Beach baby & other tales

Jul 24, 2026 44 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy collective. We start with a World Cup watch party that turns into the most awkward buffet raid imaginable.. Storm Doris exposes “mum and dad time” evidence. Sarah “borrows” her brother’s badly behaved dog on Brancaster beach and denies everything. And we finish with Herb's show off moment, that causes chaos in a local village. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Confessions from the Crypt Special

Jul 17, 2026 27 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another “Confessions from the Crypt” special — lock the doors and grab your torch.Maria Callas (from Middlesbrough, obviously) reveals how a snowbound dash for the only train to London ended with her welded to Eric Cantona’s chest… Then one anonymous parent admits to a decade-long lie involving their daughter and a microchip.Plus: a birdwatcher’s woodland wee gets captured by a badger camera, and “Brian” accidentally soundtracks a neighbour’s paperwork with some very loud Cluedo. Want your confession on the next podcast - confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

There she goes & other tales

Jul 10, 2026 43 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for 80s burger-van feuds, a keyboard prank that goes wildly “professional”, and a revenge plot involving five pounds of fish and three pints of maggots.Ellie relives a small-town grudge match, a school-disco “sex god”, and the moment her arch enemy gets sacked while she keeps very quiet about the free burgers.Plus: Wifey swaps her husband’s keyboard dongles and accidentally broadcasts his online obsession to a colleague.Tony tackles his wife during a rugby lesson (then hits McDonald’s). Then Johnny in the Rockies serves up a Thailand cheating scandal… and may have posted the evidence through the wrong letterbox.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

He’ll have to go & other tales

Jul 3, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for RAF police “Batmobile” patrols that terrorise midnight Cluedo players… and accidentally spotlight the boss.Max relives a 1989 traffic jam, a suspiciously wide-necked Apple-Aid bottle, and a lay-by moment that ends with an unfortunate “gift” for a grateful hitchhiker.Then Jani’s missing neon tetra is found in the worst possible place. Plus: Colin the Carpet Criminal blames silverfish after a DIY electrics plan tears up a brand-new carpet. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

You’ve been, you’ve been thunderstruck & other tales

Jun 26, 2026 37 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for sibling “rugby practice” that ends in A&E, a holiday comeback that goes painfully wrong, a Dolly Parton impression and a truly grim Vaseline mix-up. Nick relives 1984: a beanbag tackle bag, a perfectly executed “chop tackle”, and a sister’s head meeting a handmade doll’s house — followed by a bunk-bed cover story… and stolen cola cubes. Plus: Stephanie tries to thunderstrike her prankster husband, Mr Lloyd double-dips, and Dave’s Dolly Parton watermelon routine has terrible consequences. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

In through the out door & other tales

Jun 19, 2026 43 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for exam cheating in a lucky jumper, a welding lesson that goes catastrophically… south, and a nursing “snapshot” you may not want to hear while eating. First, Homer admits to a very 70s kind of malpractice: smuggling fully-loaded notes into a final exam on official paper and somehow ending up a headteacher. Then apprentice welder Steve hands a gas torch to a hoity-toity naval officer who won’t do her jacket up — cue molten metal, bedlam, and a breakdancing stripper moment. Plus: Emma’s 80s Saturday job prank with “party poppers”, and Susan’s slippery suppository nightmare… Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Oh! This is the greatest show & other tales

Jun 12, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for naked ramblers, dodgy “shampoo”, and a circus moment nobody in grey trousers will ever forget. Jamie and Sara take a sat-nav shortcut straight into a countryside encounter with a group of naturist ramblers — and a hedge full of nettles. Don’t look… but you will. Then Tim rewinds to bath night, 1968: a seven-year-old, an Action Man mission, and a shampoo bottle that leaves Dad and big brother wondering why the “herbs” smell so weird. Plus: Mick nicks go-kart tickets at the school fête and pays for it in broken bones, and Al’s mum becomes the unexpected star of the big top after one too many bottles of juice. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Hello clouds, hello sky & other tales

Jun 5, 2026 43 min

Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for a police mishap, a fishing adventure, a boarding school caper and a teacher prank. First Joe DiMaggio has an eventful break with his fellow police colleagues involving a broken pool cue. Then Steven’s going on a fishing adventure, but watch out for the fish hooks. Plus: Julie is asking for forgiveness for a prank on a fellow teacher Tristram and Dave has a boarding school adventure involving pirate radio, radioactive interference and the World Cup.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

The wind beneath my wings & other tales

May 29, 2026 39 min

Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for soup-based horror, airborne football crimes, and one truly catastrophic “wind” in an operating theatre.First, a classic from the crypt: Lorraine’s 80s tin-code mix-up leaves a brother eating chicken soup… plus a black, gelatinous blob of mould, followed by two days in hospital that nobody even notices.Then Alf’s military hangover meets bright surgical lights — and a “silent but prolonged” moment that has a surgeon hauling out intestines in search of a hole that isn’t there.Plus: Alistair secretly watches England v Tunisia during take-off and celebrates by waking a baby, and Penelope’s husband repeatedly breaks into the wrong Caribbean hotel room… straight into a naked German.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Don’t go chasing waterfalls & other tales

May 22, 2026 45 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for a vintage school-days reckoning, a Wembley fishbone emergency, lockdown jigsaw vengeance, and a fairground waterslide disaster.Nigel relives the wild early-80s logic of collective punishment after a playground scuffle leaves a classmate dangling from a fence — and an innocent kid caught in the mix for reporting stolen trainers.Then Helen’s 1987 FA Cup final is overshadowed by a bone stuck in her throat, a dad who won’t miss the match, and a lifesaving carton of Ribena.Plus: Flora steals one crucial jigsaw piece from her cheating ex, and Rick’s Water Boggan sends a furious passenger out drenched… without the dinghy.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

All day long, all day long on the chaise lounge & other tales

May 15, 2026 42 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode full of sibling sabotage, supermarket shame, and the perils of damp underpants.Tim admits to a targeted reign of terror on his little brother. John’s 1999 CFAX football obsession ends in disaster, Richard loses control of some “loose grapes” at Sutton Safeway, and Mike’s sixth-form skinny-dipping leaves a very suspicious puddle in maths.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Put the kettle on and make some tea & other tales

May 8, 2026 46 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for another batch of confessions.In a classic from the crypt, a lonely trucker accepts one Guinness too many… then points a hopeful Beryl to entirely the wrong big red lorry.Then it’s Jan’s rabbit escape that ends in an axe, a fingertip flap, and a grandad who chooses bunny retrieval over first aid.Plus: a prison officer’s catastrophic coat-sniffing moment, and a first job interview ruined by dog poo, a blocked loo, and Captain Red Braces.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Hit me with your rhythm stick & other tales

May 1, 2026 41 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for a week of blocked sinks, fake hospital letters, and staff training-day chaos.First, Susie’s raspberry-peach smoothie turns into a fermented crime scene that takes out the call-centre kitchenette. Then Jeanette commits peak springtime mischief by forging a hospital letter recommending “Morris dancing therapy” for her grumpy husband’s dodgy knee. Plus, Maurice’s 1966 snow-sculpture disaster, and Stan’s drama-teacher mate who sleepwalks into an unwanted performance.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

It’s all too beautiful & other tales

Apr 24, 2026 45 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode featuring village newsletters, VHS carnage and a cigarette-based science experiment that absolutely shouldn’t be repeated.First, nine-year-old James “helps” his vicar dad with a community email… Then Rebecca admits she turned a brand-new VHS player into a Hot Wheels garage, and let her little brother take the blame.Plus: Andy’s weapon-grade party-popper cigarettes, and a micro-school teacher with the strangest problem of all. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Confessions from the Crypt Special

Apr 17, 2026 29 min

Step into the confessional for a special delve into the crypt for this week's episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! First: a Devon carnival prank goes full folk‑horror when a lovingly crafted coffin is launched into a river… and drifts 20 miles into the local paper. Then a “helpful” son‑in‑law turns “bingo” into “strip club” on his mother‑in‑law’s phone — with an email to a politician as the punchline. Plus: a dad accidentally cosplays as a hotshot surgeon (socks included), and a twin‑buggy wisecrack that haunts a marriage. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Beep beep, beep beep, yeah! & other tales

Apr 10, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for a week of stains, spirits and seriously questionable decisions First up, a gem from the crypt: Soviet-era Ukraine, super-strength homemade vodka, and a flock of geese who get so hammered they’re mistaken for dead… until they reappear very much alive, very naked, and very honky.Then Richard admits to provoking the Tokoloshi in 1970s South Africa. Mr P's confession involves 15 litres of carpet glue and one blamed child, and Mark & Elaine’s enjoy a drive‑thru… in an imaginary car.Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Missionary Impossible & other tales

Apr 3, 2026 47 min

Landing in your inbox on Good Friday (or whenever you’re brave enough to press play), Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective are back with Parish Notice Board gossip, five-star reviews, and a Not For Broadcast pile that should probably come with protective gloves. First: a wholesome family holiday in Cornwall goes slightly… medicinal when a sleep-deprived dad reaches for teething gel in the dark and finds something very much meant for the other end of the baby. Then we head to Venezuela for Missionary Impossible: cockroaches, bug spray, matches, a fireball, and the discovery that “safety bucket” can become “flaming water”. Plus: canal piracy involving stolen mooring pins, and a Christmas morning rest-home mystery featuring a missing Jane… found in the car. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

The green green grass of home & other tales

Mar 27, 2026 43 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another round of sins, five-star reviews, parish noticeboard gossip… and the dreaded Not For Broadcast pile. First, Tony’s half-term Lanzarote breakfast goes nuclear when a Tabasco bottle takes a Tom Daley-style dive into the Rice Krispies. Then Helen, armed with a hospital litre of water and perimenopausal panic, misreads a sign and accidentally storms the gents… with a bold new accent. Plus: We also get an accidental repeat of Jeff's confession, where he get mistaken for a blind man (Father Simon needs to work on his filling system) And Greenkeeper R attempts naked mowing in Sweden… Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

Can you dig it? Yes, you can & other tales

Mar 20, 2026 41 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another week of packed confessions. First up Adam relives the three-channel era and, in a strop over Corrie, does the unthinkable… and plunges an entire village into a total blackout. Louise’s Brighton hen-do goes from bubbles to life drawing to accidentally gifting a homeless man cake… and a bag full of very questionable sketches. Guaca-mole wages fertiliser-based war on mum’s “sacred oval”, and Jay learns why you never, ever feed seagulls near a car park.If you have a confession send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Libra and my name is charles & other tales

Mar 13, 2026 31 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for a slightly shorter episode that still delivers three absolute belters — plus Parish Notice Board gossip, five-star reviews, and a heated debate about how on earth you say 'guacamole'.We first walk down the cold marble steps for a confession from the crypt involving ashes, an urn and a vacuum cleaner.Then Mr C, a trainee engineer on a deep-water trawler off Greenland, quietly “sorts” a toilet problem and accidentally creates a floating arctic legend.Plus: Jonathan, aged nine, proudly parades a “lady-shaped” inflatable from a den… straight into Dad’s allotment.Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

Vanilla ice ice baby & other tales

Mar 6, 2026 40 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confession Collective for another week of chaos, questionable logic, and tape-speed chat that nobody fully understands (7 and a half IPS, apparently).First: Clara’s lunchtime ice creams take a horrifying turn when a “respectful” window manoeuvre collides with a cathedral town funeral.Then Sally relives childhood vengeance as a Cindy-doll disaster ends with an “ever so slight” push into a lily pond… and a decades-later Facebook block.Plus: Alison reports a mystery powder to the police (taste test included), only to discover it’s not what original thought, and Tommy commits the ultimate school photo sin.Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

Blinded by the light & other tales

Feb 27, 2026 44 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another week of chaos.First: a 1950s boarding school in Kenya where the boys welcome new UK teachers with the ultimate classroom icebreaker… bright green pet snakes, smuggled under shirts and released onto desks. Then Bob’s Tenerife chip run goes catastrophically windy, ending with paper plates, ketchup, and an accidental Carry On-style moment by the pool.Plus: Geoff “accidentally” cosplays as blind on the train thanks to reactive sunglasses, a Dayglo lead and a protruding white stick, and Chris launches a full police sting to recover his stolen bike… with questionable consequences. Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away… & other tales

Feb 20, 2026 43 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of sinful silliness, dubious logic, and a very firm reminder to… respect the cupboard. First up, Luke fakes a twisted ankle at his twins’ birthday bash and “heads to A&E”… only to limp straight to The Force Awakens, then on to TGI Fridays for a full debrief with “Han”. Dark side behaviour? Then Seaman Steve wages class war at Cowes Week with a stealthy nuts-and-bolts prank that sends Tarquins into a safety spiral. Plus: Selhurst Park Pete’s mum accidentally unleashes a downhill “snake” of supermarket trolleys, and science teacher Steve cons schoolkids with fake fortune-telling that turns him into Mr G the Psychic. Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

Zip a dee doo dah & other tales

Feb 13, 2026 44 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for a week caught between Valentine’s Day love and Friday-the-13th superstition.First up: Litmus relives the childhood horror of £40 Caterpillar boots that “mysteriously” shrank on a seaside stroll in Bray… until mum discovers the real culprit still stuffed inside.Then Jane’s triumphant jeans-buying trip goes spectacularly wrong when a stubborn zip traps her lacy knickers — and she makes a panicked dash that leaves an unforgettable “freebie” on the shop floor.Plus: Cliff’s smart-speaker chaos accidentally orders Blue’s greatest hits, and Rachel’s free Waitrose latte turns into a windy, foamy car-park crime.Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

Big mouth strikes again & other tales

Feb 6, 2026 41 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of confession chaos. Sister Goldenhair attempts a 10-day silent meditation retreat in Thailand… only to be derailed by a tree frog, a “hot monk”, and an unsanctioned breakout into the countryside that ends with a full-blown Karma Chameleon singalong to some very understanding cows. Then it’s building-surveyor bedlam as Mike accidentally lets a cat into a house with a “highly strung” parrot on the loose… and makes a bold feather-related decision under pressure. Plus: Steve’s student-radio brush with The Smiths takes a citrusy turn, and the anonymous agent of East Anglia learns the hard way that mooning colleagues isn’t quite “drawing room manner”. Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

Twisting the night away & other tales

Jan 30, 2026 38 min

Enter the confessional with Simon Mayo for another laugh-out-loud episode of Confessions! This week, hear Jo’s hilariously awkward tale of miscommunication involving "personal effects" that leads to a shocking discovery while cleaning a colleague’s home. With some very personal photographs inadvertently packaged for a hospital visit, the embarrassment is palpable! Then, feel the heat as T-Bandit concocts a devious plan to rain on a pesky neighbour's parade, while Windy Miller shares a mortifying school assembly mishap that left everyone in stitches. And finally, don’t miss the chaotic escapade of Dean, whose light-hearted joke about a heart attack sends security into a frenzy! Tune in for unforgettable stories, unexpected twists, and the collective wisdom that only Simon and the crew can offer! Don’t forget to share your own confessions at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

I got cat class and I got cat style & other tales...

Jan 23, 2026 43 min

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo for another uproarious episode of confessions!This week, prepare for chaos as Professor Pat Pending shares his tale of friendly intentions gone awry in the bustling streets of Saudi Arabia, leading to a near disaster at a traffic light. Michael has a very ambitious backward confession that reveals how his mischievous cat, Eugene, turned a neighbour's Sunday roast into an unexpected family drama. The Accidental Chef's cringe-inducing culinary blunder will leave you shaking your head in disbelief. Haggis and sour grapes, anyone? Then we meet Anon Stupid, who shares a wild holiday experience in Spain marked by ambitious culinary choices and an outrageous fairground mishap that ends with chaos and shattered spirits—literally!Join in on the laughter, the gasps, and the surprising twists that make each confession a memorable experience! Got your own tale to share? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

You can ring my bell & other tales

Jan 16, 2026 42 min

Step into the confessional as Simon Mayo guides you through another hilarious episode of confessions! This week, join the uproarious antics of Naughty Nobby as he recounts his epic school pranks that spiraled out of control. From mischievous cake-swapping in domestic science class to wreaking havoc on his brother Min Min's Lego city, the laughter never stops. Plus, hear about the unforeseen consequences of potty training in public that left a lasting impact on one parent. Get ready for cringeworthy moments and crafty schemes that are as relatable as they are entertaining! Don't forget to share your own confessions at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

Are you not entertained & other tales...

Jan 9, 2026 31 min

Step into the confessional as Simon Mayo rings in 2026 with fresh confessions that are sure to tickle your funny bone. This week, meet the Fate Day Felon, who makes a questionable choice at a summer fate. Prepare for unexpected twists with Ridders’ mix-up on a film set that leaves everyone in stitches. Plus Larry's supermarket debacle leads to an embarrassing misunderstanding and Andrew's cringeworthy hotel tipping experience—one he won't soon forget! Expect plenty of hilarity, surprising revelations, and a healthy dose of forgiveness. Tune in, and don’t forget to share your own confessions at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

Top 10 Confessions Countdown 2025 - Part Two

Jan 2, 2026 40 min

Despite Simon being sick at home the countdown continues. Join Simon Mayo and the Confessional Collective as they dive into part two of the 2025 Top 10 Confessions Countdown! In this hilarious episode, prepare for a wild ride as we unveil confessions that span from a disastrous wedding encounter involving a Swedish impersonation to the chaos of student social work, a Cluedo cad, a passport mix up —and even a shocking tale of questionable gardening practices! With plenty of laughter and a few gasps along the way, you won’t want to miss the antics that Max, Jason, Inga, anonymous and Colin have to share. Shocking, hilarious and jaw-dropping in equal measure.. Tune in, and don’t forget, if you have your own confession, send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

Top 10 Confessions Countdown 2025 - Part One

Jan 2, 2026 40 min

Kick off the new year with a special treat in part one of Simon Mayo's Best of the Confessions Podcast! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they relive the top 10 confessions of 2025. You'll fine 10-6 right here which starts with Tom's unforgettable tale of a drunken mishap at a vegan party. Prepare to laugh as Kevin spills a shocking story from his days as cabin crew, involving a rather unconventional passenger request. From a horrific sibling prank by Drusilla and George’s unexpected encounter while rowing to Jane's saddle story, each confession is a wild ride! Tune in for plenty of laughter and maybe even some shocking surprises. Don't forget to send us your own confessions at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

The fright before Christmas & other tales

Dec 24, 2025 30 min

Get ready for a jolly good time with Simon Mayo’s Confessions in this festive Christmas Eve special! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they dive into side-splitting confessions, starting with Nick's cheeky tale of chocolate temptation, Ollie shares his Christmas Eve shopping disaster that transforms Waitrose into a hilariously chaotic scene with bouncing cranberries and unexpected guests. Plus, don’t miss Jane's uproarious Boxing Day escapade that involves a daring run in nothing but boxers! It’s a festive blend of laughter, forgiveness, and holiday spirit you won’t want to miss. Have a confession of your own? Share it with us at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

Baby, it’s cold outside & other tales

Dec 12, 2025 39 min

Step into the festive spirit with the 100th episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they celebrate this milestone with hilarious tales of mishaps and misadventures. From David’s unforgettable Christmas sign mix-up to Howard’s covert pocket money scheme gone horribly wrong, each confession will leave you in stitches! Plus, don’t miss Tony's golf swing disaster that led to a shocking Christmas gift debacle and Pauline's endearing story of a surprise sibling arrival. Whether you're looking for laughs, nostalgia, or a touch of holiday magic, this episode has it all! Got a confession of your own? We want to hear it at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

Search for the hero & other tales

Dec 5, 2025 41 min

Step into the uproarious world of Simon Mayo's Confessions in this week's episode! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they dive into hilarious mishaps, starting with Georgina's "Search for the Hero," a lockdown tale that leads to unexpected generosity from a tire shop. Then, get ready for a mouthful with Michael’s culinary blunder at a charity event, serving up a surprise for unsuspecting vegetarians. Plus, Sid’s confession from beyond the grave featuring a memorable hospital story and Micky's terrible tent tale with a storm like no other! Got a confession of your own? Send it in at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

One year out! & other tales

Nov 28, 2025 38 min

Join us for a wild and hilarious episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Prepare for laughs as Martin and his son Rufus reminisce about a mishap in their family's past involving an oxy-acetylene torch, an old sewer cover, and quite the explosion! Nicky recounts an unforgettable housekeeping horror show that involves a vacuum cleaner and a sprinkling of ashes. Del Boy has an interesting encounter during Pop Master and, Gordon's tale of a shopping trip turned water park provides a laugh as he tries to navigate the mayhem of parenting. With confessions that are equal parts funny and chaotic, you won't want to miss this week’s episode. Have your own story to share? We want to hear it at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

Your cruel device & other tales

Nov 21, 2025 38 min

Welcome back to another side-splitting episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! This week, we're diving into the hilarity of parental pride gone awry as Mike shares a mortifying tale from the pub toilets. Another Mike has an embarrassing episode picking his dad up from hospital. Foghorn recounts a DIY disaster involving a neighbour's tree that leads to unexpected collateral damage, whilst Dave confesses to a royal flush of a faux pas in a bathroom fit for a prince. With laughter, awkward moments, and the signature charm of Simon and the Confessional Collective, you won’t want to miss this episode! Have a confession of your own? We want to hear it at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

He’s in the army now & other tales

Nov 14, 2025 40 min

Step into the hilarious chaos of Simon Mayo's Confessions in this week’s episode! We're kicking things off with Tom, who shares a childhood mishap involving an axe, his brother, and a dramatic trip to A&E—all while contemplating the parenting choices of the '80s. Then Darcy comes up with a creative yet dubious cover story for her friend. Mark’s story is of a daring, if not chilly, dare during his time in the army, and don’t miss Johnny Two Brushes, who accidentally filled his wife's car's screen wash with blue paint water, leading to a perplexing automotive adventure. With laughter, nostalgia, and a sprinkle of mischief, this episode has something for everyone. Do you have a confession of your own? We want to hear it at confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk!

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#95 Comedy 🇬🇧 GB

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🇬🇧 Comedy Best #71

Podcast details

Created by: Bauer Media
Status: Active
Latest episode: Nov 6, 2026
Episodes: 147
Release period: Weekly
Avg. episode length: 42 min
Explicit: No
Language: English

Links

Official website ↗ Apple Podcasts ↗ RSS feed ↗

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