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Ned Johnson

The Self-Driven Child

A Parenting , Kids & Family and Education podcast

#57 in Parenting · 🇸🇬 #78 in Parenting · 🇮🇳
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About the show

Helping parents raise kids with healthy motivation and resilience in facing life's challenges. Oh, and having more fun while doing it!

Newest episodes

Let’s Play! An interview with Dr. William Stixrud on the neuroscience of play, the critical ingredient for a child’s resilience and motivation

41 min

What if one of the most important things we can do to raise confident, resilient, and motivated kids is simply to let them play? And I don't mean organized sports, adult-supervised activities, or structured playdates. I'm talking about good old-fashioned, kid-directed play. The kind where kids make the rules, take risks, solve problems, and figure things out for themselves. In this episode, I'm joined by my dear friend, colleague, and co-author, Dr. William Stixrud, to explore why play isn't just fun. It's absolutely essential for healthy brain development and mental health. Inspired by Dr. Peter Gray's wonderful new book, Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety, Bill and I dig into the neuroscience of play and its powerful connection to autonomy, motivation, executive functioning, and stress tolerance. We talk about why protecting kids from every possible risk may actually make them more anxious, what unstructured play teaches that academics simply can't, and why our well-intentioned efforts to keep kids safe may be getting in the way of helping them feel brave. If you've ever wondered whether your kids need more freedom and less structure, this is a conversation you won't want to miss. Episode Highlights [0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child, and putting parenting advice into practice. [1:29] - Why play is essential for healthy brain development, resilience, motivation, and a sense of control. [4:00] - How the decline in childhood play connects to rising anxiety and kids feeling less control over their lives. [6:44] - The four defining characteristics of real play and why child-directed activities matter. [7:26] - How play develops autonomy, self-control, working memory, and cognitive flexibility. [8:58] - What neighborhood games teach kids about managing emotions, negotiating rules, and maintaining friendships. [12:41] - Why taking risks and navigating stressful situations helps kids d...

Why Children Need More Freedom to Thrive with Dr. Peter Gray

55 min

Maybe it wasn’t all about the cell phones after all. In this episode, I’m joined by eminent psychologist, researcher, and author Dr. Peter Gray to explore what may really be driving the decline in children’s mental health. While smartphones and social media often take center stage in conversations about teen anxiety and depression, Peter makes the case that we need to look much more closely at what has happened to childhood itself: less autonomy, less independent play, more academic pressure, and a shift from a play-based childhood to a competition-based one. We dig into why video games can actually qualify as real play, what kids learn when adults aren’t directing them, how changes in schools may relate to rising anxiety and depression, and what parents can do to help restore independence, confidence, connection, and joy to childhood. Episode Highlights [2:08] - Maybe it wasn’t all about cell phones and social media after all. [4:34] - Where Peter agrees—and disagrees—with Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation. [6:14] - Why video games can be real play and meet kids’ needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness. [10:13] - Why children are naturally motivated to play away from adult control. [12:24] - What pickup baseball teaches kids that organized, adult-directed sports simply can’t. [15:44] - Why negotiating the game may be even more valuable than playing it. [18:45] - What changes when adults turn children’s play into competition. [22:00] - Have we replaced a play-based childhood with a phone-based world—or a competition-based world? [24:23] - Peter’s case for looking at Common Core, standardized testing, and school pressure when examining the rise in youth mental health problems. [28:07] - Why school pressure consistently emerges as a major source of stress for young people. [30:23] - What happens to pediatric mental health concerns when summer vacation begins. [32:33] - Comparing youth mental health trends in the United States with Europe and other count...

An interview with Juliette Blake: the teen tech founder who became a mom and built a safer social media platform for girls

58 min

All of us worry about the potentially negative impacts of technology. We worry our kids are online too much, that social media is disrupting their sleep, academics, mental health, and relationships—and frankly, taking away good time outdoors. And it doesn’t feel good to have the same fight over screens again and again. But what if the answer isn’t simply taking technology away? What if we could design it differently—and help our kids learn to use it well? In this episode, I talk with Juliette Blake, founder of Moxies, who has been thinking about girls, media, and technology since she was a teenager herself. Now a mom of three, Juliette brings the perspectives of both a tech founder and a parent to our conversation about social media, digital literacy, addictive design, and healthy screen habits. We explore how technology can be built with kids’ well-being as the North Star—and what we parents can do to help our kids become thoughtful, capable digital citizens. Episode Highlights [3:31] - Juliette’s remarkable origin story: how watching her eight-year-old sister and her friends struggle with body image and friendships inspired her to start a company as a teenager. [6:05] - Why the tween years are such an important—and often overlooked—developmental stage, particularly for girls navigating media and brand imagery. [8:45] - Kids don’t bring every problem to their parents. Why simply knowing “I’m not the only one” can sometimes matter as much as the advice they receive. [10:33] - Magazines then, social media now: the medium has changed, but many of the pressures facing girls haven’t. [13:36] - Can technology be part of the solution? Moving away from the attention economy and making well-being our North Star. [15:35] - What “safe by design” actually means—and why companies building products for kids should bear responsibility for protecting them. [20:58] - “Dark-patterned persuasive design features”: streaks, likes, notifications, endless rewards, and other features desi...

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All episodes

Let’s Play! An interview with Dr. William Stixrud on the neuroscience of play, the critical ingredient for a child’s resilience and motivation

41 min

What if one of the most important things we can do to raise confident, resilient, and motivated kids is simply to let them play? And I don't mean organized sports, adult-supervised activities, or structured playdates. I'm talking about good old-fashioned, kid-directed play. The kind where kids make the rules, take risks, solve problems, and figure things out for themselves. In this episode, I'm joined by my dear friend, colleague, and co-author, Dr. William Stixrud, to explore why play isn't just fun. It's absolutely essential for healthy brain development and mental health. Inspired by Dr. Peter Gray's wonderful new book, Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety, Bill and I dig into the neuroscience of play and its powerful connection to autonomy, motivation, executive functioning, and stress tolerance. We talk about why protecting kids from every possible risk may actually make them more anxious, what unstructured play teaches that academics simply can't, and why our well-intentioned efforts to keep kids safe may be getting in the way of helping them feel brave. If you've ever wondered whether your kids need more freedom and less structure, this is a conversation you won't want to miss. Episode Highlights [0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child, and putting parenting advice into practice. [1:29] - Why play is essential for healthy brain development, resilience, motivation, and a sense of control. [4:00] - How the decline in childhood play connects to rising anxiety and kids feeling less control over their lives. [6:44] - The four defining characteristics of real play and why child-directed activities matter. [7:26] - How play develops autonomy, self-control, working memory, and cognitive flexibility. [8:58] - What neighborhood games teach kids about managing emotions, negotiating rules, and maintaining friendships. [12:41] - Why taking risks and navigating stressful situations helps kids d...

Why Children Need More Freedom to Thrive with Dr. Peter Gray

55 min

Maybe it wasn’t all about the cell phones after all. In this episode, I’m joined by eminent psychologist, researcher, and author Dr. Peter Gray to explore what may really be driving the decline in children’s mental health. While smartphones and social media often take center stage in conversations about teen anxiety and depression, Peter makes the case that we need to look much more closely at what has happened to childhood itself: less autonomy, less independent play, more academic pressure, and a shift from a play-based childhood to a competition-based one. We dig into why video games can actually qualify as real play, what kids learn when adults aren’t directing them, how changes in schools may relate to rising anxiety and depression, and what parents can do to help restore independence, confidence, connection, and joy to childhood. Episode Highlights [2:08] - Maybe it wasn’t all about cell phones and social media after all. [4:34] - Where Peter agrees—and disagrees—with Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation. [6:14] - Why video games can be real play and meet kids’ needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness. [10:13] - Why children are naturally motivated to play away from adult control. [12:24] - What pickup baseball teaches kids that organized, adult-directed sports simply can’t. [15:44] - Why negotiating the game may be even more valuable than playing it. [18:45] - What changes when adults turn children’s play into competition. [22:00] - Have we replaced a play-based childhood with a phone-based world—or a competition-based world? [24:23] - Peter’s case for looking at Common Core, standardized testing, and school pressure when examining the rise in youth mental health problems. [28:07] - Why school pressure consistently emerges as a major source of stress for young people. [30:23] - What happens to pediatric mental health concerns when summer vacation begins. [32:33] - Comparing youth mental health trends in the United States with Europe and other count...

An interview with Juliette Blake: the teen tech founder who became a mom and built a safer social media platform for girls

58 min

All of us worry about the potentially negative impacts of technology. We worry our kids are online too much, that social media is disrupting their sleep, academics, mental health, and relationships—and frankly, taking away good time outdoors. And it doesn’t feel good to have the same fight over screens again and again. But what if the answer isn’t simply taking technology away? What if we could design it differently—and help our kids learn to use it well? In this episode, I talk with Juliette Blake, founder of Moxies, who has been thinking about girls, media, and technology since she was a teenager herself. Now a mom of three, Juliette brings the perspectives of both a tech founder and a parent to our conversation about social media, digital literacy, addictive design, and healthy screen habits. We explore how technology can be built with kids’ well-being as the North Star—and what we parents can do to help our kids become thoughtful, capable digital citizens. Episode Highlights [3:31] - Juliette’s remarkable origin story: how watching her eight-year-old sister and her friends struggle with body image and friendships inspired her to start a company as a teenager. [6:05] - Why the tween years are such an important—and often overlooked—developmental stage, particularly for girls navigating media and brand imagery. [8:45] - Kids don’t bring every problem to their parents. Why simply knowing “I’m not the only one” can sometimes matter as much as the advice they receive. [10:33] - Magazines then, social media now: the medium has changed, but many of the pressures facing girls haven’t. [13:36] - Can technology be part of the solution? Moving away from the attention economy and making well-being our North Star. [15:35] - What “safe by design” actually means—and why companies building products for kids should bear responsibility for protecting them. [20:58] - “Dark-patterned persuasive design features”: streaks, likes, notifications, endless rewards, and other features desi...

Teens Talk: Teen Takeovers and Third Spaces

56 min

What do teens really need to grow into confident, capable adults? In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable young advocates—Rona Majumder and Faris Smith—to explore why today's teens are asking for more autonomy, more trust, and more places where they can simply exist. Together, we unpack the growing conversation around "third spaces," teen gatherings, social media, and what adults often misunderstand about adolescent development. We also discuss why teen "takeovers" are making headlines, how parental anxiety can unintentionally limit healthy growth, and what schools, parents, and policymakers can do to create safer, more supportive environments without over-controlling young people. If you've ever wondered how to better support the teens in your life, this conversation offers thoughtful perspectives you won't want to miss. Episode Highlights [0:00] - Introducing The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child Workbook and why putting ideas into practice matters. [1:40] - Meet teen advocates Rona Majumder and Faris Smith and hear why third spaces matter so much to young people. [3:59] - What exactly is a "third space," and why today's teens feel they're disappearing. [10:18] - Why teens crave more independence, trust, and the freedom to simply exist without constant supervision. [15:04] - Navigating the difficult transition as parents gradually hand over responsibility and independence. [21:05] - Teen takeovers: what's really driving them, and why punishment alone won't solve the problem. [23:33] - The role of consumerism, disappearing community spaces, and the need for free places where teens can gather. [26:57] - Rona and Faris share firsthand experiences attending teen gatherings and discuss the social skills young people need to navigate them safely. [33:18] - Social media: connection, FOMO, and whether it has become today's version of a third space. [40:29] - Would teens choose to erase social media if they could? The surprising answer. [43:27] - Pra...

Grade A+ Deception: student journalists on the academic pressure to cheat

46 min

What happens when academic pressure becomes so intense that cheating starts to feel normal? In this conversation, I’m joined by student journalists Ethan Chan and Meryem Orazova from Palo Alto High School’s award-winning newspaper, The Campanile. Their investigation into academic dishonesty uncovered some troubling realities about student stress, achievement culture, and the growing pressure surrounding college admissions. Together, we explore why so many students feel compelled to take shortcuts, how external pressures can crowd out intrinsic motivation, and what parents and educators can do to help young people pursue success without sacrificing their well-being. If you care about raising resilient, self-driven kids, this is a conversation you won’t want to miss. Episode Highlights [1:41] - Meet student journalists Ethan Chan and Meryem Orazova [3:25] - Inside Palo Alto’s high-pressure academic culture [4:25] - When students first begin feeling college admissions pressure [7:00] - How achievement culture shapes student identity and self-worth [10:11] - The surprising findings from A Grade A+ Deception [11:14] - Why cheating has become normalized for many students [14:08] - The role of AI, answer sharing, and academic shortcuts [17:50] - How external rewards can undermine the joy of learning [20:46] - Choosing classes for genuine interest versus college applications [23:50] - Why the “best” college may not be the right college [26:58] - The hidden emotional costs of constant comparison [29:28] - What students wish parents understood about academic stress [33:56] - Why cheating ultimately hurts learning and confidence [37:14] - Building school cultures that support integrity and well-being [41:06] - Practical ways adults can reduce pressure and support growth [43:46] - Final reflections on success, motivation, and thriving If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and cr...

Tapping into what really motivates teens: an interview with bestselling author and psychologist Dr. David Yeager

1 hr 14 min

Dr. David Yeager joins me for a fascinating conversation about what really motivates adolescents — and why so many adults misunderstand teenage behavior in the first place. Drawing from his groundbreaking book 10 to 25, David explains why teens aren’t “lazy” or irrational at all. They’re deeply motivated by status, belonging, respect, and purpose — and when adults learn how to connect healthy behaviors to those drives, everything changes. We also unpack the “mentor mindset” that helps parents, teachers, and coaches guide young people without falling into the traps of overprotection or harsh enforcement. From belonging uncertainty and resilience to project-based learning, earned prestige, and the future of education in the AI era, this conversation is packed with practical insight for anyone raising, teaching, or supporting adolescents.  Episode Highlights [1:08] - Dr. David Yeager explains why adolescence really spans ages 10 to 25 — and how motivation changes during that developmental window. [7:25] - Why the “teen brain is broken” narrative has done more harm than good for parents, educators, and young people themselves. [15:41] - How adults can motivate teens more effectively by connecting long-term goals to what matters to them right now. [17:59] - The surprising anti-smoking campaign that completely failed with teens — and the one that transformed adolescent behavior nationwide. [25:00] - David introduces the “mentor mindset”: high standards paired with high support and deep respect. [30:49] - Why struggle, stress, and anxiety are often signs of growth — not signals to quit. [38:25] - A powerful discussion on belonging uncertainty and why transitions can feel so destabilizing for young people. [47:22] - The concept of “earned prestige” and why many schools unintentionally make academic success feel low-status. [56:00] - How schools can reduce competition and bullying by creating multiple paths for students to thrive. [1:01:00] - The hidden story behind Jaime Es...

Simply weathering the storm of modern life? Help your kids survive and THRIVE!

1 hr 8 min

In this episode, I sit down with the brilliant Stephanie Malia Krauss to unpack what it really means to help our kids—and ourselves—not just survive, but truly thrive in today’s world. We dig into the idea that modern life isn’t just busy—it’s fundamentally out of sync with how humans are wired to live. Stephanie introduces a powerful framework around the “dangerous weather” we’re all navigating and why so many families feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stretched thin. Together, we explore a hopeful path forward. What if thriving isn’t about eliminating challenges, but about reclaiming the essential conditions that help us endure and enjoy life at the same time? From sleep and movement to play and connection, this conversation will shift how you think about parenting, education, and what our kids really need to flourish—without waiting for the whole system to change.  Episode Highlights [00:00] - Why I’m excited about helping parents put “self-driven child” principles into action [03:30] - Introducing Stephanie and the idea of “dangerous weather” in modern life [08:30] - The word cloud experiment: what families are really feeling right now [13:30] - Thriving isn’t the absence of struggle—it’s learning to live well within it [20:59] - Allostatic load explained: when stress becomes toxic [25:30] - The four forces: overtapped, overworked, overstimulated, overwrought [34:00] - Rehumaning: reclaiming movement, play, and connection in daily life [49:30] - Why sleep may be the single most important factor for kids’ well-being [1:00:10] - The concept of a “thriving ecosystem” and collective care [1:03:15] - Final reflection: what it means to truly help our kids—and ourselves—thrive Links & Resources Home | Rehumaning Substack: @stephaniemaliakrauss LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemaliakrauss IG: @stephaniemaliakrauss YouTube: @stephaniemaliakrauss If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your supp...

When the World Feels Too Big: Talking With Our Kids About Hard Things

53 min

In a world where violent incidents, political upheaval, and shocking news dominate headlines --- from immigration enforcement violence in Minnesota to studies pointing to "nihilistic" violence without clear motives --- many parents and caregivers are left wondering: How do we talk about this with our kids? And more importantly, how do we process our own feelings so that we don't become overwhelmed or paralyzed by fear, uncertainty, or anger? In this episode, Ned speaks with teen mental health and parenting expert Julie Baron, LCSW-C guides listeners through developmental, emotional, and practical frameworks for navigating these conversations with children and adolescents. We'll explore the psychological roots of feeling out of control, the maladaptive ways people try to regain a sense of agency (including in forms of violence), and evidence-based tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and her innovative CARE model for parenting that help families cope, connect, and act --- even in uncertainty. Episode Highlights [0:00] - Why we fall back into old parenting habits—and how to change that [3:11] - Julie’s work with teens and families using DBT skills [6:39] - How parent and child emotions feed off each other (and escalate) [9:46] - The impact of technology and social media on teen mental health [15:12] - Practical strategies to manage overwhelming news and stress [18:10] - The role of control—and why feeling powerless fuels anxiety [21:33] - Understanding maladaptive coping (and what’s underneath it) [23:43] - What we can control: attention and behavior [28:21] - How to talk with kids about scary or overwhelming world events [31:41] - Why connection matters more than saying the “right” thing [36:22] - DBT communication skills: goals, relationships, and self-respect [40:27] - Choosing your parenting battles wisely [44:01] - The power of validation (and how to use it effectively) [46:24] - Why inconsistent parenting responses can backfire [47:45] - Managing stress...

8 Setbacks to Make A Child a Success: With Michelle Icard

57 min

If you’ve ever watched your child struggle and felt that almost unbearable pull to step in, fix it, smooth it over, or make it disappear, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I sit down with author and parent coach Michelle Icard to explore why setbacks—real, uncomfortable, sometimes humiliating ones—are not detours from development but the very path toward adulthood. Michelle joins me to talk about her latest book, Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success, and to unpack why adolescence is meant to include missteps, awkward experiments, and moments of regret. We explore rites of passage, identity formation, impression management, and the fine line between support and overprotection. Most importantly, we discuss how parents can respond when things go sideways in ways that build resilience rather than shame. Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Why we revert to old parenting habits, even when we know better [2:06] – Why watching kids struggle is painful—and why that discomfort is necessary [5:00] – Rites of passage: separating, stumbling, and reintegrating wiser [9:46] – “Am I doing this for them, or for me?” A powerful parenting pause [10:28] – Impression management: how teens hide, deflect, and protect their identity [15:00] – Modeling mistakes out loud so kids can learn how adults process setbacks [18:25] – Friend shifts, value testing, and why adolescence requires trial and error [21:21] – Why insisting on values can backfire—and how to invite real conversation instead [26:33] – Curiosity over correction when teens embrace rigid or controversial ideas [30:52] – Why natural consequences are often enough—and why piling on rarely helps [38:11] – Failure vs. setback: when disconnection becomes the real danger [40:00] – Contain, Resolve, Evolve: a three-step model for responding to setbacks [43:45] – Letting the bruise heal: why parents must eventually stop poking [46:23] – The turkey story: a rite of passage, public shame, and lasting growth [51:00] – The q...

Mattering: an interview with Jennifer Wallace

46 min

 If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the right things—checking boxes, meeting expectations—yet still wondering whether any of it really matters, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I sit down with New York Times bestselling author and researcher Jennifer Wallace to explore one of the most fundamental human needs we rarely name directly: mattering. Jennifer joins me to talk about her latest work and the research behind why feeling valued—for who we are, not just what we do—is essential for resilience, mental health, and motivation. Together, we unpack how mattering shows up in families, schools, workplaces, and communities, and why rebuilding connection may be one of the most important things we can do for our kids—and ourselves.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Why thriving kids (and adults) need more than good intentions  [1:07] – Introducing Jennifer Wallace and the idea of mattering as a basic human need  [3:05] – From Never Enough to mattering: what parents revealed behind the scenes [5:44] – Why caring for children means caring for parents too [6:18] – The “pay-to-play village” and what we’ve lost culturally [7:12] – Why kids (and adults) need more trusted adults in their lives [9:03] – Capitalism, religion, and who society decides “matters” [10:25] – Aging, invisibility, and the pain of no longer being invested in [12:52] – Why mattering is a felt experience—not something you can force [14:46] – Defining mattering and the SAID framework [18:32] – Community, reciprocity, and the power of mutual investment [22:59] – Clean fuel vs. dirty fuel and what truly motivates kids [26:48] – Honest feedback, gratitude, and real investment in relationships [30:11] – Mental subtraction, appreciation, and noticing who matters most [34:53] – Why gratitude and mattering protect mental health [37:05] – Helping kids strive without tying worth to achievement [42:48] – Rebuilding spaces of mattering in an isolated world [43:08] – Key takeaways and why...

Adolescents Are Identity Scientists: Exploring With Chris Balme

36 min

In this episode, I sit down with education leader, parent, and author Chris Balme for a deep, thoughtful, and often funny conversation about what adolescents are really doing during the middle school and teen years. We explore why this stage of life is less about “figuring kids out” and more about understanding the intense social, emotional, and neurological work they’re already doing every day. Chris offers a powerful frame that I love: adolescents as identity scientists, running experiments to answer one core question—who am I, and where do I belong? We talk about how adults can make that work easier instead of harder, why third spaces and unhurried time matter so much, and how validation, sleep, peers, and belonging shape everything during these years. If you live with, teach, or care about adolescents—or if you’re willing to remember your own—this conversation will resonate.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Why it’s so hard to change how we parent, even when we know better  [1:40] – Why adolescence is the right time to reinvent yourself [3:10] – Chris introduces the idea of kids as “identity scientists” [5:15] – Identity is built through social experiments—and adults can help or hinder [7:45] – The importance of different social spaces where kids can reinvent themselves [9:35] – Why “third spaces” and non-parent adults matter so much [13:30] – The critical role of unhurried time and reflection [15:35] – Sleep deprivation and what it explains about teen behavior [18:25] – Social approval, belonging uncertainty, and the adolescent brain [21:15] – Why validation beats fixing, lecturing, or minimizing [24:30] – Middle school memories, awkward experiments, and empathy [28:50] – Belonging comes first—before achievement and authenticity [31:15] – What we gain, as parents, by walking this journey with our kids   Links & Resources: Allo Parents:  https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/12/01/1216043849/bringing-up-a-baby-can-be-a-tough-and-lonely-job-here...

Why We Sleep - The Great Sleep Challenge

39 min

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with my longtime partner, co-author, and neuropsychologist Dr. William Stixrud to dig deep into something hiding in plain sight: sleep. We talk about why so many kids, teens, and frankly adults are walking around chronically exhausted—and what that’s quietly doing to learning, emotional health, and overall well-being. This conversation grew out of a powerful question a student asked us after we issued a real-world “sleep challenge,” and it opened the door to a fascinating look at how sleep actually works in the brain.  Bill and I explore what happens when kids don’t get enough rest, why tired brains struggle with attention, memory, and emotional regulation, and how sleep might be one of the most underestimated tools we have for supporting mental health, learning, and resilience. If you care about helping kids thrive—and about thriving yourself—this is one you won’t want to miss.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Why helping kids thrive is harder than it should be—and why sleep keeps getting overlooked  [2:15] – The student sleep challenge and the big question: what does sleep actually do to the brain?  [4:20] – How chronic sleep deprivation acts like chronic stress on developing brains  [6:00] – Emotional control, anxiety, and why tired brains are more reactive and negative  [9:00] – “Overnight therapy”: how REM sleep helps regulate emotions and perspective  [10:25] – Sleep deprivation, anxiety, and depression: cause, effect, and the vicious cycle  [11:59] – Why sleep regularity matters as much as total hours of sleep  [15:00] – Sleep, physical health, appetite, and injury risk for athletes  [17:20] – Why sleep deprivation mimics ADHD and wrecks attention and organization  [19:55] – The startling study showing how small sleep losses erase years of cognitive growth  [21:40] – How the brain replays and consolidates learning during sleep  [22:30] – Why sleeping more can literally make you better at skills—even w...

How to Have Happy Holidays: What Science Suggests

19 min

In this episode, I dig into one of my favorite topics—what really makes us happy—and why the holidays are the perfect time to rethink how we create joy for ourselves and our kids. If you’ve ever wondered why the things you anticipate don’t always end up being the things that actually fill your heart, you’re not alone. I explore the science behind pleasure versus happiness, why we confuse the two, and how small intentional choices can make the holiday season feel richer, calmer, and more meaningful. Rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine, I walk through the PERMA model and share science-backed ways to help kids—and ourselves—feel more grounded, connected, and genuinely content. If you’re craving a holiday experience that lingers well beyond the wrapping paper and pumpkin pie, this episode will help you set the stage. Links & Resources: [0:00] – Opening welcome + exciting announcement about our new workbook  [1:20] – Why the holidays bring both joy and disappointment  [2:18] – Pleasure vs. happiness: how dopamine tricks us  [4:10] – The rush of rewards, hedonic adaptation, and why pleasure fades  [5:30] – Serotonin and the science of contentment  [6:20] – Reflecting on past holidays and why those memories stick  [7:05] – Introducing PERMA: the science of lasting happiness  [7:40] – P: Positive emotions—exercise, rest, gratitude, and Thanksgiving traditions  [8:55] – E: Engagement—how “I get to” changes everything  [9:35] – R: Relationships—the strongest predictor of long-term happiness  [10:51] – M: Meaning—why contributing and giving matter more than getting  [12:40] – Achievement—keeping accomplishment in healthy perspective  [14:10] – Better conversation starters for kids and teens  [15:20] – How intentional activities shape half of our happiness  [16:15] – Final reflections on gifts, gratitude, and meaningful experiences  [17:20] – Closing thoughts + message for parents who may want extra support Links & Resources PrepMatters – https://prepmatters.comPhone: 30...

Great Parenting Advice From Lenore Skenazy ("America's Worst Mom") Or, "Why I Let My 9 Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone"

47 min

Ever wonder if we’re raising our kids with too much fear and not enough freedom? In this episode, I’m joined by Lenore Skenazy—founder of Let Grow, author, and self-described “America’s Worst Mom”—to dig into what’s really holding our kids back. We talk about the shift from play-based to phone-based childhoods, and how we, as parents and educators, can reverse course by letting kids take back some independence—without feeling like we’re putting them in danger. We explore how anxiety, both in kids and adults, is often fueled by overprotection, and how letting kids do more on their own actually builds emotional resilience, executive function, and confidence. Lenore shares powerful stories, smart strategies, and even a few laughs to help us rethink how we support our kids in becoming more capable and self-reliant. If you’ve ever worried about being too overprotective—or just want to help kids thrive—this conversation will inspire you to take that first step.   Episode Highlights:  [0:00] - Opening thoughts on parenting struggles and intro to my new workbook  [1:35] - Welcoming Lenore Skenazy and how she became known as “America’s Worst Mom”  [3:54] - The column that sparked a national conversation  [5:17] - The disconnect between our childhoods and how we raise our kids now  [7:53] - How school policies and culture reinforce parental anxiety  [8:50] - The myth of stranger danger and why statistics don’t ease fears  [11:52] - The Let Grow Experience and how it rewires parent and child behavior  [15:06] - Why emotional courage is essential for both kids and parents  [17:59] - The anxious generation of parents—and how overprotection feeds the cycle  [19:43] - What free play really teaches and how it rewires the brain  [24:11] - Why sandbags belong in play clubs and other fun discoveries  [27:29] - Real-world problem solving in play: Franklin and the leaf pile  [30:41] - Why squabbling is not a problem—it’s the learning process  [31:07] - The hero’s journey and how hardshi...

What Are They Thinking?: The Neuroscience of Nagging in Parents and Teens

17 min

If you've ever caught yourself reminding your kid—again and again—to get that homework done, check in with the coach, or finally read that book, this episode is for you. I dive deep into the psychology and brain science behind why we nag, how it impacts both our stress levels and our kids’ behavior, and what we can do instead to be more effective, compassionate, and calm. I share a personal story from my own household (yes, I'm guilty too!) and explore what’s really going on in the minds of both the "nagger" and the "nag-ee." You’ll also hear a powerful example of how one family made a simple shift in communication—and had their best night in years. If you want to support your child in a way that actually works—and feels better for everyone—don’t miss this one.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Introducing the workbook: The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child [1:10] - My own struggle with nagging during my son’s senior year [3:00] - Why we nag: the emotional drive behind our reminders [4:35] - The illusion of control and the stress of unfinished tasks [6:25] - Brain science: what happens in the mind of the nagger [8:15] - What nagging does to kids’ brains—MRI findings from a key study [9:55] - A story of a family overwhelmed by homework stress [11:10] - A simple 3-step plan for changing the dynamic [12:55] - The power of phrasing: how supportive language changes everything [14:20] - Shifting from nagging to nurturing—and why it works [15:41] - About PrepMatters and how we support students without added pressure    Links & Resources: If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no...

Stress Relief vs. Stress Release: What We All Need In Anxious Times

30 min

Hey folks, Ned here. If you’ve ever felt like life’s got you underwater—like you’re just barely catching your breath before the next wave crashes in—this one’s for you. In this episode, I sit down with my dear friend, partner, and co-author Dr. William Stixrud to talk about something that’s more relevant now than ever: how we actually relieve stress—not just dodge it. We unpack the critical difference between stress relief (those momentary escapes) and stress release (the tools that really let the pressure out), and why both are necessary. We also dive into practices that help us become non-anxious presences for our kids, and how that calm can be just as contagious as stress. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, social connection, or just laughing with friends, we explore the science-backed ways to bring your nervous system back online and show up for your family with clarity and calm.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Introduction and announcement of the new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child [1:39] - That overwhelmed feeling—why so many of us are barely staying afloat [3:12] - Stress relief vs. stress release: what’s the difference and why it matters [5:39] - Coping methods kids use—and why many of them are just avoidance strategies [7:32] - The trouble with short-term fixes like weed and excessive screen time [8:31] - Real stress release through exercise, baking, and yes—carrot cake [10:15] - How parents’ stress regulation directly impacts their children [11:38] - Two paths to calm: cognitive reframing and physiological practices [14:42] - Radical acceptance—how shifting our mindset reduces suffering [16:31] - The vital role of calm people and community in weathering storms [20:08] - Emergency stress relief: laughter, singing, deep breathing, and movement [22:50] - The power of consistent practices like meditation and gratitude [25:57] - Final thoughts: combining cognitive, physiological, and social strategies for real resilience   If this...

Wise Effort with Diana Hill

43 min

We all want our kids to thrive—not just survive the pressure of school, sports, and life. But let’s be honest, it’s not easy. Too often we fall back into the same old habits, even when we know better. That’s why I was so excited to sit down with two incredible people: my friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud, and psychologist Dr. Diana Hill. Diana’s new book Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most shows us that our kids—and we parents too—don’t have to choose between doing well and being well. In this conversation, we dig into what it means to use our energy wisely, how to recognize and nurture “genius energy” in ourselves and our children, and why psychological flexibility might just be the most important skill we can teach and model. If you’ve ever felt like your family is running full speed but not sure you’re heading in the right direction, this episode will speak to you.   Episode Highlights:  [0:00] – Kicking things off: why Bill and I created The Self-Driven Child Workbook [1:08] – Diana’s story of strawberries, watercolor, and the uniqueness of every child [2:53] – Introducing my guests: Dr. Bill Stixrud and Dr. Diana Hill [4:23] – Diana explains ACT and Buddhist principles as foundations for Wise Effort [6:27] – What “genius energy” really means and why it matters for kids and parents [9:01] – Helping kids see their strengths beyond grades and sports [10:10] – Practicing “watering flowers”: appreciating kids for who they are [13:51] – Bill shares how affirming kids’ strengths changes lives [16:08] – The three-part framework of Wise Effort: curiosity, openness, and focus [19:21] – Why psychological flexibility is essential for kids and parents [22:22] – Pain and values: two sides of the same coin [24:51] – How values-driven goals outperform standard “SMART” goals [27:51] – Genius + values = the sweet spot of wise effort [30:17] – Family chores as a practice of genius and values in action [32:42] – Making the most of l...

Dream School: Finding the College That's Right for You

58 min

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down once again with my good friend and New York Times bestselling author Jeff Selingo. You probably know Jeff from his book Who Gets In and Why, which cracked open the mysterious college admissions process. But now, he’s back with a powerful new guide, Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You. We explore the realities behind the college admissions frenzy—the pressures, the myths, and the real indicators of student success. Jeff and I dive deep into why so many students and families narrow their college lists too soon, how prestige bias and community pressure shape decision-making, and what really matters when it comes to finding the best college fit. Whether you're a parent, student, educator, or just curious about higher education, this episode is a roadmap to cutting through the noise and focusing on what will actually help kids thrive.   Episode Highlights: [1:55] - Welcoming back Jeff Selingo and his new book Dream School [3:41] - Unpacking the narrative arc from elite admissions to finding fit [5:27] - Why students and parents fixate on prestige and how that narrows options [7:40] - Grade inflation and the overconfidence trap [10:44] - Why balanced college lists matter more than ever [13:49] - Conformist bias and how schools like Archer are challenging the status quo [16:38] - Misconceptions around adding more "backup" schools [18:21] - Is college worth it? A nuanced look at ROI and student outcomes [23:06] - Why regional job markets matter more than college name [26:45] - The value of being a "big fish" at a smaller school [30:56] - Faculty incentives, mentorship, and why engagement matters [34:50] - Hands-on learning and mentors as keys to student success [37:09] - How to spot signs of strong faculty engagement on campus visits [41:23] - Belonging uncertainty and how it affects student retention [45:47] - First-year programming that fosters connection and success [46:59] - E...

Your Child Is Ready For College. Are You?

47 min

Hey folks, Ned here! In this episode, I sit down once again with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud for a candid, real-world conversation not just about whether your kid is ready for college—but whether you are too. While we’ve talked before about student readiness, today we focus on the parent side of the equation. We dive deep into the emotional rollercoaster of sending a kid off to college—especially that first semester. From managing your own stress and expectations to shifting your role from fixer to consultant, we cover the principles that help young adults step up while helping parents step back (without losing their minds). Whether your teen is packing their bags or you're still a few years out, this episode is packed with wisdom, laughs, and some very practical takeaways to support both you and your child through this major life transition.   Episode Highlights: [1:27] - Framing the college transition and the emotional load it carries for both kids and parents  [3:24] - Why so many students flounder during the first semester of college  [4:50] - What it really means to be "college-ready": from laundry to self-regulation  [7:33] - Parents’ struggle to let go: DoorDash, bad Wi-Fi, and the illusion of control  [9:10] - The N.U.T.S. framework: understanding stress triggers in the college transition  [13:06] - How to show up as a “non-anxious presence” for your college-bound kid  [15:18] - Why being a consultant—not a commander—is more effective and brain-friendly  [18:45] - Teaching resilience through trust and shared problem-solving  [21:01] - Handling late-night panic calls and how not to take on your kid’s stress  [24:21] - Setting healthy communication boundaries without harming the relationship  [26:21] - Tuition, leverage, and waivers: what parents can control [27:51] - How regular Sunday check-ins can be a win-win for parents and students [33:10] - The messy, non-linear path to adulthood—and why that’s okay [35:18] - Plan B thinking: preparing m...

Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome

53 min

As parents, we often think of middle school as a gauntlet—something our kids just need to survive. But my guest today, education leader, author, and school founder Chris Balme, sees it differently. To him, middle school is an extraordinary time of growth and self-discovery—a period where young people’s brains are changing at their fastest pace since early childhood, making it the perfect time to nurture creativity, agency, and resilience. Chris joins me to share ideas from his new book, Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome—a guide for kids themselves to turn these years into something remarkable. With challenges ranging from stealth artistry to healing broken friendships, Chris shows us how experiences can inspire, connect, and grow the skills kids truly need for life. Along the way, we talk about adolescent brain development, the power of awe, peer-led conflict resolution, and why middle schoolers deserve more agency than they usually get. If you’ve got a tween about to make the leap—or you’re already in the thick of it—this conversation will help you see these years not as a trial to endure, but as a hero’s journey worth embracing.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Kicking off with a quick update on The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: The Workbook [1:37] – Introducing Chris Balme and his passion for transforming the middle school experience [4:19] – Why middle schoolers are the “ultimate underdogs” and how reframing these years changes everything [7:25] – Building a curriculum of experiences—how “Challenge Accepted” was born [10:19] – Science-backed challenges for the TikTok generation that build connection, creativity, and agency [13:04] – The “Stealth Artist” challenge and the value of positive rule-breaking [23:54] – “Propose a Better Rule” and empowering students to create real change [29:01] – The brain science and benefits behind “Find Awe in Nature” [35:06] – “Heal a Broken Bond”—tools and mindsets for repai...

School Phone Policies With An Educator Who Helped Craft Them

50 min

What happens when schools set boundaries on student phone use—not to punish, but to empower learning? In this episode, I sit down with Julie Yang, President of the Montgomery County, Maryland Board of Education, to explore the increasingly complex relationship between students, smartphones, and learning environments. Julie brings both personal and professional insights from her roles as an educator, board leader, and parent to help us unpack how thoughtful school policies can shape healthier, more focused, and less anxious learning experiences. We dive into how schools are navigating the pros and cons of technology in classrooms, what research says about screen time and attention, and why policies need to be rooted in both compassion and practicality. Julie walks us through the real-life rollout of phone regulations in one of the country’s largest school systems, and the student feedback that’s reshaping how we think about tech in education. If you’re a parent, educator, or student wondering what “phone away for a better day” really looks like—this conversation’s for you.   Episode Highlights: [3:44] – Why regulating phone use in schools is such a hot topic right now  [5:18] – Montgomery County’s current phone policy and the balance between rules and student self-regulation  [7:30] – How student phone use has evolved through the 2010s, the pandemic, and beyond  [10:28] – The rise of screen addiction and why setting boundaries isn’t anti-tech—it’s pro-learning  [13:26] – Including student voices: What focus groups revealed about phone policies  [16:45] – Middle school and high school student reactions to phone-free learning environments  [18:49] – Creative implementation strategies from different schools—no one-size-fits-all approach  [23:34] – How to help teens develop respectful and effective phone habits  [29:00] – Teaching students that even phones need recess—and how digital detox benefits us all  [35:23] – Are Chromebooks and other tech tools part of the proble...

Summer Downtime: The Power of Trees and the Default Mode Network

21 min

It’s summer, and that means more time outside—and for me, that means time with trees. In this episode, I dive deep into how trees, those quiet giants of our world, can actually help us and our kids develop healthier minds and deeper self-awareness. I unpack some fascinating science behind what nature, especially time spent among trees, does for our brains, our stress levels, and even our test scores. Inspired by Peter Wohlleben’s The Hidden Life of Trees, I explore not just the hidden life of trees, but the hidden life in trees—and what it can teach us about connection, cooperation, and the power of downtime. Whether you're a fellow tree-lover, a parent looking for ways to support your child’s mental health, or just someone who needs a reason to unplug and take a walk, this episode is for you.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Why we fall back into old habits and the launch of our new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child [1:20] - Introducing the episode theme: my love for trees and what they offer us mentally and emotionally [3:14] - What Peter Wohlleben teaches us about trees' communication, cooperation, and support systems [5:55] - Why intergenerational connections matter—and how forests model this beautifully [7:03] - Green spaces and mental health: insights from Denmark and beyond [9:02] - Understanding the default mode network and why downtime is vital for brain development [12:25] - How nature improves test performance: the Johns Hopkins study and real-life results [14:30] - A personal story of helping a student prep for the ACT with a walk in the woods [16:08] - The danger of overscheduling our kids and the need for daily unstructured time [17:40] - My son’s dreamy daydreaming as a child and how it shaped his path as a composer [18:50] - How to gently support kids in managing phone use and embracing digital downtime [19:46] - Final reflections and a call to get out in nature and enjoy a moment of peace and connection   Links...

A Teen Perspective on Teen School Phone Policies

55 min

Hey folks, Ned here. If you're anything like me, you're always curious about how the younger generation views the world we're handing them—including the phones we put in their pockets and the social platforms we love to worry about. In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable high school students, Ellie and Flair, to talk not just about screen time and school phone policies, but how they really experience technology, anxiety, education, and what it means to grow up today. Ellie and Flair are bright, honest, and totally engaging. They bring a much-needed perspective on teen tech use, mental health, screen addiction, and the nuanced balance between connection and distraction. This isn’t a conversation about teens—it’s a conversation with them. You’ll walk away with new insight into what our kids are thinking and feeling, and hopefully, how we can better support them.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] Welcome and an exciting announcement about the new workbook [1:30] Ellie reflects on generational changes in parenting and tech use [3:35] Meet our brilliant guests: Flair and Ellie [5:16] What BCC High School is like—diversity, size, and school culture [6:17] Launching into today’s topic: phones, social media, and school policies [8:23] What “PMDs” are and how new rules are enforced (or not) [10:49] Why students in advanced classes often self-regulate better [12:03] Calling out the adult double standard in screen use [14:05] Social media as both connection and distraction [17:01] Doomscrolling vs. genuine engagement—mental health reflections [18:17] The healing power of nature and how it competes with dopamine [21:05] How overprotection in the real world may fuel under-preparation [24:51] Discussing “The Anxious Generation” and parental fears [27:52] Does banning phones really solve anything? [29:11] Ellie gets real about anxiety, overdiagnosis, and support systems [33:11] Why blanket policies don’t reflect lived experience [36:16] Can schools craft phone...

Reimagining Education with Dr. Stuart Slavin

49 min

Hey folks, Ned here! This episode is a continuation of our eye-opening conversation with Dr. Stuart Slavin, a pediatrician, medical educator, and mental health advocate who's making waves in education reform. We dive deep into the hidden stressors in elite academic environments and explore what happens when you challenge the status quo. In Part Two of our discussion, Stuart unpacks his groundbreaking research on high-performing high schools and reveals the sobering mental health statistics that too often go unnoticed. We also talk about real, practical solutions—from pass/fail grading to autonomy-supportive school cultures—that can drastically improve students' well-being without sacrificing academic outcomes. It's a powerful reminder that doing well and being well don't have to be at odds.   Episode Highlights: [1:54] - Welcoming back Dr. Stuart Slavin and setting the stage for Part Two of our conversation. [3:38] - Why it's "and," not "or": unpacking social media's role in student stress alongside deeper cultural forces. [6:31] - Eye-opening survey data from 18 high schools revealing staggering rates of anxiety and depression. [9:25] - Students define themselves by grades; extracurriculars are no longer fun—they're just more stress. [11:19] - The "free day" pilot at SLU: one day off every other week led to better mental health and test scores. [13:32] - How principles from positive psychology boosted connection, meaning, and performance. [16:33] - Letting go of false incentives: moving from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation through pass/fail reforms. [17:53] - Challenges schools face in shifting culture and making bold changes. [20:06] - Stuart's upcoming parenting book: offering families a saner, science-based path to raising healthy kids. [22:56] - It's not just the kids: how we're all part of the system that's failing them. [25:49] - Schools must redefine what makes them "good": test scores or student wellness? [29:22] - Practical mental health tools: meditatio...

Dr. Stuart Slavin: Simple Curricular Changes That Decreased Student Depression by 85% AND Raised Board Scores

33 min

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Stuart Slavin—pediatrician, medical educator, and a true superhero in the world of educational reform. Stuart’s groundbreaking work has shown that yes, we can dramatically improve student mental health without compromising academic performance—and he has the results to prove it. We get into why today's high schoolers are more stressed than med students, how maladaptive perfectionism is quietly damaging our youth, and what it really means to build resilience that lasts. Whether you're a parent, educator, or just someone who cares deeply about kids and learning, you don’t want to miss this conversation. Stuart's work is inspiring, actionable, and—best of all—hopeful.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, "The 7 Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child". [1:08] - Dr. Stuart Slavin on the surprising pressures teens face—more intense than med school. [3:22] - Stuart’s origin story and how a curriculum role led to mental health reform. [5:32] - How adolescent anxiety and perfectionism carry into adulthood. [7:42] - The dangerous cost of maladaptive perfectionism and chronic stress. [8:36] - What Stuart’s research revealed about depression, suicide risk, and medical students. [11:41] - The 3-part intervention that changed everything at Saint Louis University. [14:10] - Can cutting 10% of class time improve both health and test scores? (Spoiler: Yes.). [17:54] - How a 90-minute resilience curriculum taught students to challenge toxic thoughts. [22:01] - Why we must teach kids to recognize and reframe distorted thinking early. [24:20] - Replacing perfectionism with a healthy pursuit of excellence. [26:53] - Ned shares his own experience with depression and the power of having tools. [28:26] - From frustrated parent to systemic change: Stuart’s fight for student well-being. [30:21] - Final thoughts: to help kids thrive, we have to start upstream.   Links & Resources: Learn more about Dr. Stuart Slavin's work at ACG...

Six Steps to Being a Non-Anxious Presence

28 min

Hey folks, Ned here. In this episode, I’m diving into something that feels more essential now than ever—how to be a non-anxious presence for the people who count on you. Whether it’s your kids, students, partner, or even yourself, being that calm, steadying force can make all the difference. I know from personal experience and years of working with families that this isn’t easy, especially when the world feels like it’s spinning off its axis. So, I break down six practical, research-backed steps you can take to help yourself stay grounded, build emotional resilience, and show up as the helper people need—even when things get messy. I’ll walk you through stories from my own life, including the toughest parenting experience I’ve faced, and offer concrete strategies for managing your own stress so you can be that safe harbor in the storm.    Episode Highlights: [1:47] - Opening reflection on “helpers” and what it means to be a non-anxious presence. [4:22] - Step 1: Assessing your own baseline level of stress and why many of us don’t realize how stressed we really are. [7:56] - Step 2: Identifying your personal stress triggers using the N.U.T.S. framework. (Novelty, Unpredictability, Threat, Low Sense of Control). [11:34] - Step 3: Spotting your “tells” and emotional signals when you're not at your best. [14:10] - Step 4: Claiming your space—how to communicate your emotional needs without blowing up. [19:32] - Step 5: Facing challenges by confronting your fears and reframing anxious thinking. [22:18] - Step 6: Emergency and preventative stress relief techniques—laughter, breathing, exercise, and more. [24:40] - Personal story: How my son and I reframed our thinking during his brain tumor diagnosis and what we both learned about resilience and peace. [26:50] - Final thoughts on raising kids to thrive through hardship and modeling courage and calm.   Links & Resources: How Exercise Can Calm Anxiety: https://archive.nytimes.com/well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/03/how-exercis...

Ch. 8: "Seven Principles" for Supporting Student & Teacher Autonomy in Schools

43 min

In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud. We dive into a topic that’s been at the heart of so many recent conversations: how schools can do a better job supporting students’ mental health, motivation, and overall well-being. Bill and I have spent a lot of time lately visiting schools, giving talks, and listening—really listening—to what kids are telling us about their experience in today’s education system. We’re talking chronic stress, anxiety, and a relentless pressure to perform that’s robbing too many students of joy and curiosity. In this episode, we explore why this is happening, how schools got here, and most importantly, what we can do to change it. From the science of autonomy to the powerful impact of rethinking homework, we unpack real strategies that can make school a place of growth, not just grades.   Episode Highlights: [1:07] – A student’s bold question about homework and mental health gets a thunderous response. [2:25] – Why we took a hard look at public schools in our new book’s bonus chapter. [3:29] – The critical role of autonomy in mental health and intrinsic motivation. [5:03] – Two big opportunities for schools: more voice and healthier environments. [6:16] – Striking data: mental health outcomes are worse during the school year. [8:14] – Students share how their lives revolve around impressing college admissions officers. [11:00] – Why school often ignores what neuroscience says about how brains actually learn. [13:32] – A principal shadows students for a day—and is shocked by the experience. [14:30] – The importance of downtime and unstructured moments between classes. [16:33] – Three steps for teachers to reflect on the purpose and impact of homework. [18:28] – Low intrinsic motivation is linked to nearly every mental health issue. [19:34] – A bold shift: one district makes homework optional and ungraded. [22:17] – How over-emphasizing homework can backfire on learning and wellness. [23:14] – Reducing co...

How To Redesign Schools to Unleash Extraordinary Learning For All

29 min

If you’ve ever looked at your kid’s school and thought, “Is this really the best we can do?”—this episode is for you. I sat down with the incredible Jenee Henry Wood, a national leader in community-based school design, and co-author of Extraordinary Learning for All. We dive deep into why our current educational system—designed a hundred years ago for a very different world—often fails to meet the needs of today’s young people, and what it would look like to redesign schools to actually serve them better. Jenee brings so much wisdom, humor, and hope to this conversation. We talk about the real challenges of educational reform, how parents and students can become catalysts for change, and what it takes to create schools that are co-owned and co-loved by the communities they serve. Trust me, this isn’t your typical education podcast—it’s a call to action rooted in agency, relevance, and hope.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Introducing the episode and our latest book, The Self-Driven Child Workbook [1:44] - What does it mean to redesign schools—and are today’s schools meeting kids’ needs? [3:01] - Jenee Henry Wood shares her background and mission with Transcend Education [5:46] - The “three big ideas” behind redesigning education: design awareness, prioritizing experience, and community-based transformation [11:15] - Why the old model of school no longer fits the world our kids are inheriting [12:52] - The politics of change: why we stall at the 20% we disagree on [15:07] - What kids and parents really want from school (hint: it’s not just test prep) [17:22] - The power of voice, agency, and building trust in the redesign process [20:56] - A powerful story from North Dakota about shifting from imposed solutions to shared ownership [24:31] - How to start a redesign process—yes, even without a superintendent's blessing [26:54] - Jenee’s message of hope: “Institutions are of us, from us. Change starts with you.”   Links & Resources: Transcend Academy Website: h...

Our New Book! The Seven Principles For Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook

39 min

In this very special episode, I sit down with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud to celebrate the arrival of our third “baby” — our brand new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook. If you’ve ever read our earlier books (The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say?), and found yourself thinking, “I love these ideas, but how do I actually apply them?”—this episode (and this book!) is for you. We created this workbook to help you go beyond the theory and actually make the Self-Driven Child way your way. Bill and I unpack the inspiration behind the workbook and walk through the seven core principles that anchor it. We talk about everything from building calm, connected homes to the delicate art of motivating kids without trying to change them. Along the way, we share powerful stories from families we’ve worked with, lessons from years of practice, and candid reflections from our own parenting journeys. This episode has actionable insights to support you—and your kids—in building a happier, healthier, and more autonomous life.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Kicking things off with the big news: our new book has officially launched! [3:00] - Why we wrote a workbook and how it supports parents in putting ideas into practice. [6:24] - How old myths about parenting can derail connection, and why reflecting is essential. [8:39] - Real-life stories of transformation when parents shift their approach. [11:15] - It takes practice to make new parenting habits stick—why this book is about just that. [13:25] - Diving into the first principle: “Put connection first” and why it matters most. [15:00] - Principle #2: Be a consultant, not the boss—fostering autonomy through trust. [16:19] - Communicating healthy vs. toxic expectations—and the power of belief in your kid. [17:33] - Why kids need an accurate model of reality (and success isn't a straight line). [21:03] - Motivating kids without trying to change them—how to be more effective and empathe...

From Damsel in Distress to Superhero: The Making of a Teen Mental Health Advocate For Students

53 min

If you've ever felt like the challenges of school, stress, and expectations are just too much, you’re not alone. In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Riana Alexander, a college freshman and mental health advocate, who turned her own struggles into a movement for change. Riana opens up about her journey—from a high-achieving student battling anxiety and depression to the founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health, a nonprofit dedicated to improving mental health resources in schools. We also dive into her fight for change within her school district, the resistance she faced, and the powerful impact she and her peers have made. We also discuss the misconceptions around mental health, the role schools should play in student well-being, and how adults can better support struggling teens. If you’re a student, a parent, or an educator, this conversation will challenge and inspire you. A quick content note: We do discuss suicidal ideation and suicide in this episode. If you or someone you know needs support, call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Episode Highlights: [3:10] – Meet Riana: A college student, mental health advocate, and founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health. [5:49] – Riana’s struggle with anxiety and depression during high school and how she found her way forward. [7:55] – The disconnect between academic pressure and mental health—and how schools often miss the signs. [12:45] – The tragic events that sparked Riana’s advocacy work. [15:40] – Facing school board resistance: “This isn’t a school problem”. [25:42] – How student-led advocacy finally pushed the district to take action. [30:29] – The launch of the Hope Institute and its life-saving impact. [32:34] – What adults can do to support struggling teens. [42:16] – The importance of asking direct questions about mental health. [49:27] – Why open conversations and community involvement are key to change. Links & Resources: Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/...

A Superhero For Student Autonomy in Schools: Talking With Mike Nicholson About What Works

51 min

Hey folks, Ned here! You know how much we all want our kids and students to thrive, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, it feels like we’re stuck in the same old patterns that just don’t work. That’s why I’m thrilled about today’s episode. We’re talking about the concept of student autonomy—why it’s crucial for engagement, learning, and even mental health. And joining me is someone who’s not just talking about change but making it happen: longtime educator and reformer Mike Nicholson. Mike has spent decades in education, from being a teacher to a superintendent to a consultant, and now he’s working directly with schools to help them give students more meaningful control over their learning. We talk about what happens when students have more agency, the impact of constant micromanagement in schools, and how even small changes—like making homework optional—can lead to huge shifts. If you’ve ever wondered why student engagement drops as they move through school or how we can turn things around, this conversation is for you!   Episode Highlights: [2:46] – Mike Nicholson’s journey in education and why he’s passionate about student autonomy. [4:42] – The shocking decline of student engagement as they progress through school. [6:44] – Why behaviorism (carrots and sticks) isn’t working in education. [10:49] – What educators discover when they shadow students for a full school day. [14:23] – Would any adult willingly go through what we put students through? [22:04] – What school handbooks reveal about the culture of control in education. [33:09] – The case for making homework optional—especially in math! [41:46] – A real-world example of a school successfully giving students more control. [45:51] – Shifting school from something kids "have to do" to something they want to do.   Links & Resources: Learning InspirED: https://www.learninspired.org/ Download the Autonomy Breakdown: https://drive.google.com/file/d/13O75KCX6TFUPZ8jK6W2aYOlY7M_eWyLD/view If this episo...

What I Learned About Motivation From "Ghost Buster" Yegor Denisov-blanch

48 min

What if some of the people on your team weren’t actually working—but just good at looking busy? In this episode, I sit down with Yegor Denisov-Blanch to discuss a fascinating and troubling trend in the tech world: ghost engineers. These are software developers whose productivity is so low that they barely contribute—yet they manage to stay employed. Yegor, a researcher dedicated to improving software engineering performance, dives into what causes this phenomenon, why it’s more common than you’d think, and how it affects company culture, team morale, and overall efficiency. But instead of just calling them out, his goal is to understand why this happens—and how to fix it. We also explore how the same disengagement issues that plague workplaces show up in schools. Yegor shares his own unconventional education journey, having dropped out of the traditional system at 14, teaching himself to code, and later excelling in university. What does this say about the way we measure productivity and success—not just in work, but in learning?    Episode Highlights: [00:49] - What exactly is a ghost engineer, and why are companies unknowingly paying them? [03:41] - The research behind software engineer performance and why measuring it has been difficult. [06:38] - How ghost engineers operate—are they just lazy, or is there something deeper going on? [10:41] - The surprising psychological and workplace culture factors that push employees toward disengagement. [15:22] - The role of trust in the workplace and why micromanagement can actually increase disengagement. [23:30] - How remote work has changed productivity—for better and worse. [25:18] - Yegor’s unconventional education journey: Dropping out of 8th grade, starting a business at 14, and later graduating top of his class. [32:24] - How personalized learning and self-directed education could prevent disengagement in students before they enter the workforce. [40:30] - The bigger mission: Not just exposing ghost engineers, but f...

Student Autonomy in School: Yep, It's Possible!

52 min

In this episode, I sit down with Amy Buckman, an incredible educator and school counselor from Ohio. Amy has spent 19 years helping students navigate everything from mental health challenges to career counseling, all while motivating them to achieve their goals. We dive deep into the concept of student autonomy and how it’s transforming schools through an innovative three-year grant program aimed at fostering student engagement and agency. Amy shares how her district is reimagining education by focusing on what really motivates students, exploring concepts like Flex Fridays, and even shadowing students to understand their daily challenges. If you’ve ever wondered how schools can adapt to meet the needs of a changing world while supporting kids’ mental health and academic growth, this episode is packed with insights you won’t want to miss!   Episode Highlights: [03:13] - Amy shares her background and her role as a school counselor. [08:29] - Discussion on the three-year grant program promoting student agency. [14:17] - Insights from shadowing students to better understand their school day. [22:35] - How Flex Fridays aim to spark deeper learning and engagement. [30:55] - Overcoming systemic barriers to create better learning environments. [37:05] - The impact of giving students a voice in school decisions. [42:07] - How passion-driven learning leads to happier, more motivated students.   Links & Resources: Student Autonomy & Engagement: https://www.brookings.edu/articles/the-disengagement-gap/ A School of Our Own: https://thenewpress.com/books/school-of-our-own   If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three month...

The Disengaged Teen Part 2

37 min

In this follow-up episode, I continue my conversation with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson, authors of The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. We dive deeper into the strategies parents and educators can use to support kids who feel stuck in “passenger mode.” From fostering autonomy to the importance of relational health, Rebecca and Jenny share actionable insights grounded in science and their own life experiences. We also explore what it takes to help kids move from disengagement to becoming true “explorers,” igniting curiosity and confidence. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or simply passionate about education, this episode offers powerful takeaways on how to redefine achievement, support mental health, and create environments where kids can thrive.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Kicking off Part 2: How nagging impacts kids’ learning and why relational health matters.  [2:29] - Tips for parents to help kids stuck in “passenger mode.”  [5:09] - The importance of pursuing interests—even if it’s crocheting or skateboarding.  [7:50] - A pottery class transforms one student’s approach to learning and growth.  [13:05] - The role of relational health in building resilience and curiosity.  [17:37] - Technology, sleep, and setting boundaries at home.  [21:23] - How curiosity can help kids engage deeply in school and beyond.  [30:58] - Easy, practical strategies for teachers to support autonomy and agency in classrooms.  [34:08] - Final reflections on creating an environment where kids can learn, feel, and live better.   Links & Resources: Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, ava...

The Disengaged Teen Part 1

35 min

Are you worried about how engaged your child is in school and their learning? You’re not alone. In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with two powerhouse guests—Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson—authors of the book The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. Together, we dive into the alarming trends of disengagement among kids as they transition from tots to teens and why so many high schoolers feel disconnected from their education. Rebecca and Jenny share their personal experiences, surprising research findings, and practical strategies that empower kids to take charge of their learning. We discuss the crucial role of agency in fostering curiosity and resilience, why high achievement doesn’t have to come at the expense of mental health, and how even "problem kids" can thrive when they find their spark. This is Part 1 of our conversation, and you won’t want to miss it.   Episode Highlights: [0:50] - Introduction: Why teen disengagement should concern us all. [2:00] - Meet Rebecca and Jenny: Their unique journeys into education and child development. [10:13] - The shocking statistics on student engagement: Why it plummets after third grade. [18:24] - Agency and engagement: The secret sauce for learning success. [21:23] - Four modes of student engagement: Passenger, achiever, resistor, and explorer. [28:11] - The neuroscience of nagging: Why it shuts down problem-solving in teens. [32:31] - The primal need for respect: How it shapes teen development and parent relationships.   Links & Resources: Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.    Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human...

Independent Travel: A low-cost, high-impact way to prepare teens for college and life

53 min

Ready to ignite your child’s wanderlust? In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with the incredible Blake Bole, an expert in self-directed learning and international travel for teens and young adults. From unschooling to transformative travel experiences, Blake shares how navigating the world independently helps young people develop autonomy, financial responsibility, and stress tolerance—essential skills for life. We explore the power of independent travel, the magic of gap years, and how simple, unstructured adventures can foster confidence and resilience.   Episode Highlights: [00:56] - Introducing Blake Bole: A lifelong traveler and advocate for unschooling and alternative education. [03:22] - What is unschooling? Blake explains this full-time self-directed learning approach. [06:25] - How travel fosters independence and resilience in young people. [08:59] - The importance of managing money and decision-making during travel. [12:07] - Stories of thrift and teamwork among teens learning to feed themselves on a budget. [18:38] - The transformative power of gap years and independent travel experiences. [28:01] - Overcoming fears about safety and risk in travel for young people. [34:22] - Micro-adventures and creative challenges that foster self-reliance. [42:45] - Blake’s “Gap Year Launch Pad” program: A structured way to start independent travel. [48:03] - The lifelong benefits of developing autonomy, mastery, and purpose through travel.   Links & Resources: Blake’s Website:  https://www.blakeboles.com/2016/10/take-self-directed-gap-year-zero-starting-funds/ The Nurture Assumption: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nurture_Assumption If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human...

The SAT, ACT, and Other Four-Letter Words: What Do You Say When Your Kid's Scores are Low?

22 min

Let’s talk about a reality that many parents and teens face: handling disappointing standardized test scores. It’s a topic that stirs up all kinds of feelings—stress, doubt, frustration—and how we as parents respond makes all the difference. I share how common phrases, despite being well-intentioned, can unintentionally add pressure or shut down meaningful conversations. You’ll walk away with a better understanding of what to say to your teen when they’re disappointed and how to be that steady, supportive presence they need most. Whether it’s the PSAT, SAT, ACT, or any high-stakes test, your words matter and can make a world of difference in guiding them through it.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] Introduction and why test scores stir deep emotions for both kids and parents. [3:15] Understanding the language of support: what to avoid and why. [6:00] “But you’re smarter than this”—how this phrase backfires and what to say instead. [10:20] Shifting from dismissive comments like “It’s just anxiety” to more validating responses. [13:45] The problem with labeling mistakes as “stupid” and how to reframe them as learning opportunities. [16:30] Why “I don’t care as long as you did your best” can feel like hidden pressure. [19:00] Building trust and resilience by being a non-judgmental, safe base for your teen.   If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.  If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.p...

A Sense of Control Continued: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress

24 min

In this continuation episode, I’m back with Dr. Bill Stixrud for part two of our discussion that digs into the realities of raising kids in high-pressure academic environments. We explore the subtle yet powerful concept of being a “non-anxious presence” as a parent and what that really means when guiding children through challenges. Bill and I touch on real stories from our practices and new strategies that emphasize motivation without pushing too hard—helping kids build resilience, autonomy, and self-confidence in a world brimming with expectations.    Episode Highlights: [0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children. [2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help. [5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation. [8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress. [10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth. [12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory. [15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention. [17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence. [19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration.    If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.  If you have a high school aged student and...

A Sense of Control: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress

31 min

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I’m joined by the brilliant Dr. Bill Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? We dive into the challenges parents face around academic pressure, mental health, and helping kids find their way without being overwhelmed by stress. Bill shares powerful insights on why a sense of control is so essential to young people's mental well-being, and we explore practical strategies for fostering resilience, decision-making, and problem-solving skills in children. This episode is perfect for parents, educators, or anyone working with kids who wants to learn how to support them better without adding more pressure. If you're looking to understand how to motivate your kids without micromanaging or forcing change, you’ll love what we have to share. Tune in as we unpack the importance of being a “consultant” to your child and how building strong, empathetic connections can reduce stress and improve mental health.   Episode Highlights: [00:00] – Introduction to the episode and discussing the importance of the parent consultant approach. [2:33] – The connection between academic pressure and adolescent mental health, and why it’s a global issue. [5:58] – Why a sense of control is key to mental health, and how we can foster that in our kids. [8:17] – How increasing a child’s sense of control improves both their learning and decision-making. [9:14] – Five key principles for parents to raise self-driven children, with connection being the foundation. [11:48] – Exploring the consultant approach: empowering kids to solve their own problems. [21:53] – How to reduce stress for both you and your child by changing the way you approach decisions. [24:31] – The power of letting kids make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes.   Links & Resources: If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that...

Grades, Rakes, and Reflection: Helping Kids Do Less To Do Better - With Teacher & Writer Tim Donahue

50 min

In this episode, I sit down with Tim Donahue, a seasoned high school English teacher and a writer, to dive into the pressures of grade inflation, the impact on student resilience, and why kids today feel overwhelmed by academic and extracurricular demands. Tim’s unique perspective, drawn from years in the classroom and as a published writer, sheds light on how grade inflation and the drive for high grades may actually be compromising students' learning and mental health. Together, we explore how students and parents can navigate the academic landscape to foster genuine learning, creativity, and stress tolerance. Tim also shares his insights on the importance of doing less to achieve more, advocating for a balanced approach that prioritizes reflection and meaningful engagement over relentless achievement.    Episode Highlights: [04:12] - Discussing grade inflation and its effects on teaching, learning, and the integrity of feedback. [08:13] - The role of resilience in education and how students benefit from realistic feedback, even if it means lower grades. [12:00] - How inflated grades can deprive students of vital information about their strengths and weaknesses. [17:18] - Examining the disconnect between high school and college expectations, and the effect on students’ mental health. [23:37] - Tim’s passion for “less is more” and the importance of brevity and reflection in learning. [36:39] - The impact of recreational screen time on student well-being and the hidden benefits of spending time in nature. [43:27] - Finding peace and mindfulness through activities like raking leaves and the restorative power of nature.   Links & Resources: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/25/opinion/coronavirus-scream.htmlhttps://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/television/what-high-schoolers-need-to-start-the-year-seinfeld-style-griping-cea5f83dhttps://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/23/opinion/grade-inflation-high-school.htmlhttps://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/07/opinion/high-school-students-free-time....

Brainless Education: A Conversation About the Brain Science Too Often Ignored in Most Schools

47 min

Welcome to The Self-Driven Child podcast! In this episode, I chat with Dr. William Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child, to explore the concept of “brainless education” and why the way we approach learning in schools often overlooks the very organ meant to do the learning: the brain. We explore how prioritizing stress reduction, sleep, and autonomy for students can revolutionize not just their academic success, but also their mental health and intrinsic motivation. Together, we discuss how giving kids more control over their learning and personal lives can foster better stress tolerance and deeper engagement with education. Dr. Stixrud shares research-based insights, and we provide actionable ideas on how educators, parents, and students themselves can shift toward a brain-friendly approach.    Episode Highlights: [01:58] - Dr. William Stixrud explains the low levels of student motivation and mental health issues [04:30] - How schools often act as a major source of stress and anxiety for students [06:12] - The success of Transcendental Meditation for medical students and its positive effects on learning [08:48] - The three pillars of healthy brain function: learning, mental health, and motivation [09:24] - How stress impacts the prefrontal cortex and executive function [12:27] - The importance of the hippocampus and the damaging effects of stress on memory [18:56] - The critical role of sleep in memory retention and emotional regulation [20:45] - How sleep deprivation increases stress and worsens anxiety [25:41] - Developing a sense of control and its importance in mental health [31:59] - Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation: how autonomy enhances learning [37:16] - Supporting autonomy in schools and how it improves student outcomes [42:19] - The argument for making homework optional and ungraded to reduce stress [44:01] - Final thoughts: fostering a brain-friendly environment for students   Links & Resources: If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, f...

Parental (Over) Involvement & The Start of College - A Conversation with Jess Lahey

45 min

In this episode of the Self Driven Child podcast, I'm thrilled to welcome back one of my favorite voices in parenting, Jess Lahey. Jess is a New York Times bestselling author, an educator, and someone who's been on the front lines of both teaching and parenting. We discuss the emotional rollercoaster that is the transition from high school to college—not just for our kids, but for us as parents too.  We talk about the balance between supporting our children and giving them the space to grow into their own people. Jess shares personal anecdotes about her own children's experiences, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs that come with this major life change. Jess gives insights on how to approach the first day of college, handle the inevitable bumps along the way, and most importantly, how to step back and let our kids take the reins.   Episode Highlights: [00:42] - Introduction to the episode and guest Jess Lahey. [3:25] - Jess shares her experience with her children's transition to college. [7:09] - The importance of letting kids create their own identity in college. [14:24] - How to support your child without taking over, and the power of apology. [22:19] - Preparing kids for the unexpected challenges in college. [26:19] - The importance of helping kids build competence and a sense of control. [39:17] - Understanding why kids push away during major transitions and how to handle it.   Links & Resources: https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/health/college-student-independence-wellness/index.html  https://www.jessicalahey.com/comingofageinthemiddle/2015/6/21/season-of-the-malcontents    If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.    Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try...

What Do You Say? Why we LOVE Book #2!

27 min

In this episode, I sit down with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud, to do an origin story into the key concepts from our latest book, "What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home". We discuss the crucial importance of connection between parents and children, exploring how empathy and validation can transform relationships and foster mental well-being. Bill shares insights from our research and experiences, highlighting the profound impact of close relationships on kids' stress levels and overall happiness. Tune in as we unpack practical strategies for effective communication and building stronger bonds with your children.   Episode Highlights: [01:37] - Bill discusses the motivation behind writing our second book, "What Do You Say?". [03:13] - The challenges of balancing control and fostering independence in children. [06:57] - The unexpected mental health risks in high-achieving children. [08:19] - The power of empathy and validation in strengthening parent-child connections. [10:25] - How reflective listening can enhance communication and trust. [12:25] - The importance of understanding before judging in parent-child interactions. [18:27] - Real-life stories illustrating the impact of empathetic responses.   Links & Resources: Get the book: What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home by Dr. William R. Stixrud and Ned JohnsonWebsite: Get the Top 10 Tips from Our Books: https://www.theselfdrivenchild.com Submit questions: Bill@theselfdrivenchild.com or Ned@theselfdrivenchild.com High Schoolers College Prep: https://prepmatters.com/ or call (301) 951-0350If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Huma...

The Self-Driven Child: How We Got There (aka The Marvel Origin Story)

34 min

Today we are talking about the roots of "The Self Driven Child" with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud. Discover how our understanding of autonomy and control transformed our approach to parenting and education. We explore the neuroscience behind stress and motivation, sharing our journey from initial insights to the profound impact our work has had globally. Join us as we recount our Marvel origin story and reveal the science and anecdotes that shaped our bestselling books. Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist, joins me, Ned Johnson, as we discuss the key principles of our collaboration. From handling stress to fostering intrinsic motivation, this episode covers it all. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to our podcast, this episode offers valuable insights into creating a supportive environment for children and young adults. Episode Highlights: [0:34] - Welcoming Dr. William Stixrud and introducing the topic of autonomy and control. [1:34] - The global impact of "The Self Driven Child" and the importance of a sense of control. [2:12] - Discussing stress and its effects on the brain from Dr. Stixrud's early research. [5:39] - How stress and control relate to motivation and mental health. [6:28] - Personal anecdotes and professional experiences on stress and motivation. [8:45] - The concept of autonomy in parenting and education. [13:17] - The bi-directional relationship between stress and brain function. [17:07] - Practical advice on supporting autonomy in children. [20:24] - The impact of test preparation on stress and performance. [25:38] - Addressing the physiological aspects of stress and anxiety. [30:02] - Reflections on the journey of writing "The Self Driven Child". [31:03] - Concluding thoughts and a sneak peek into the next episode.  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  Get trusted,...

Choosing a New School: Why, When, and How

44 min

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Self-Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, I sit down with the incredibly insightful Wendy Wilkinson, a parent educator and admissions expert with decades of experience. Wendy shares her wisdom on how to find the right school for your child, navigating the complex world of school choices, and understanding what makes a good fit for different types of learners. Whether you're a parent feeling the pressure of school admissions or just curious about the process, this episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice. Episode Highlights: [00:00] - Wendy discusses the initial reactions parents have when told their child may need extra support. [00:40] - Introduction to the podcast and today’s topic on choosing the right school. [01:47] - Welcoming Wendy Wilkinson and a brief overview of her impressive background. [04:53] - Wendy shares her dream of helping families find the right school for each child. [07:20] - Overcoming the challenges of school admissions and finding the right fit. [10:56] - Exploring different types of schools and the importance of a tailored fit. [13:19] - How to handle learning differences and finding supportive school environments. [16:37] - Tips for parents on how to identify when a school change might be necessary. [22:22] - The importance of involving children in school decisions. [26:06] - Evaluating schools and understanding what makes a good fit. [29:34] - Navigating the admissions process and understanding school selection criteria. [37:57] - Advice for parents on filtering out noise and focusing on their child's unique needs. [41:00] - Where to find Wendy and her team for personalized education consulting.   Links & Resources: Connect with Wendy: https://www.schoolfirstnyc.com/  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  If you have a high school ag...

Lessons on Self-Directed Learning with "Adventure Kaity!" Part 2

32 min

Welcome back to the Self Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, we're continuing our incredible conversation with Kaity Broadbent, head of learning at Prenda. Kaity's insights into creating nurturing learning environments are game-changing, and in this second part, we dive even deeper. We discuss the importance of relatedness, competence, and autonomy in child development and how these principles can transform both home and school settings. Kaity's passion and wisdom are truly inspiring—this is an episode you don't want to miss! Kaity shares profound stories and practical strategies for parents and educators to foster a supportive environment where children can thrive. We explore the impact of adult-child relationships on brain development, the power of empathy, and the importance of giving kids autonomy.    Episode Highlights: [00:00] - Introduction to the episode and recap of Part 1 with Kaity Broadbent. [00:55] - Kaity shares an analogy about creating nurturing environments for children. [02:25] - The impact of unconditional positive regard on children's brain development. [06:31] - Kaity's unique exercise with educators to highlight the importance of empathy and positive reinforcement. [08:53] - Discussion on common but ineffective methods used to motivate children. [10:03] - The role of stress and how it affects children's learning and behavior. [12:57] - How comparing children to others and using rewards/punishments can backfire. [16:26] - Strategies for parents to help their children navigate less supportive learning environments. [18:23] - The significance of having at least one caring adult in a child's life. [20:50] - Kaity's personal story about the importance of merit-based approval and its effects. [24:01] - The difference between common and normal behavior in children and how to support them. [29:58] - Where to follow Kaity Broadbent and learn more about Prenda.   Links & Resources: Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/  Social Media: @PrendaLe...

Lessons on Self-Directed Learning with "Adventure Kaity!" Part 1

31 min

Today, I'm thrilled to have Kaity Broadbent, an extraordinary educator and parent, joining us. Kaity is the head of learning at Prenda, an organization dedicated to creating micro-schools that empower students and parents alike. In this episode, we dive into Kaity's unique approach to education, the psychology of motivation, and the incredible benefits of mastery-based learning.  Join us as we discuss how to transform the traditional learning environment into one that fosters autonomy, intrinsic motivation, and lifelong learning. Kaity shares her insights on the importance of relatedness, competency, and autonomy in education, and how Prenda’s micro-schools are revolutionizing the way kids learn. This conversation is packed with valuable takeaways for parents, educators, and anyone interested in the future of education. Don't miss out on part 2 of our conversation in the next episode!   Episode Highlights: [00:30] - Introduction to Kaity Broadbent and Prenda’s mission. [02:02] - Kaity's journey into homeschooling and micro-schools. [04:33] - What is a micro-school and how does Prenda support student-centered learning? [06:42] - The challenge of traditional classroom settings and the importance of individualized learning. [07:59] - Explaining the "zone of proximal development" and its role in mastery-based education. [10:03] - Real-life example of a student's excitement in mastering math through self-set goals. [12:19] - Integrating self-determination theory into education: competence, relatedness, and autonomy. [18:36] - The power of positive language and autonomy-supportive teaching methods. [22:23] - The difference between controlling students and fostering self-governance. [25:15] - Building trust and positive relationships with students and the impact on long-term influence.   Links & Resources: Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/ Social Media: @PrendaLearn KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindled  If this episode has helped you, remember to ra...

Who’s Ready for College? with William Stixrud, Ph.D.

42 min

In today's episode, we explore the complexities of an issue that's close to the hearts of parents, teachers, and students alike—college readiness. Alongside my friend and co-author Bill Stixrud, we discuss the crucial aspects that determine whether a high-school student is truly ready to take on the challenges of college life. We start by questioning the common rush towards college right after high school, bringing to light the concerning rates of dropout and burnout among college freshmen. Our conversation covers effective strategies for assessing and enhancing readiness, emphasizing the importance of emotional resilience and maturity over mere academic preparation. Listen in to gain insights into making the transition to college successful and sustainable. Episode Highlights: [2:26] College readiness and mental health challenges among students. [7:05] College readiness, stress tolerance, and emotional resilience. [12:21] Prioritizing life skills over academic achievement. [14:40] College readiness and the importance of self-care for students. [19:53] Importance of sleep for adolescent brain development and academic success. [24:29] Executive functions, self-evaluation, and stress management in adolescents. [30:10] Stress management and self-care for high-achieving students. [35:08] College preparation and stress management for high school students. Links & Resources: Visit SelfDrivenChild.com for more resources on developing autonomy and resilience in children. For further insights into college readiness and effective stress management strategies, check out the books “The Self-Driven Child” and “What Do You Say?” by Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud. If today's discussion resonated with you, consider exploring our books and resources to better prepare for the college journey ahead. Remember to rate, follow, share, and review our podcast if you find our content valuable. Here's to nurturing a self-driven and resilient next generation! Get trusted, research-grounde...

The Craziest Year Ever in College Admission with Jeff Selingo

46 min

In this episode of the Self-Driven Child Podcast, we're discussing the ever-tumultuous world of college admissions with special guest Jeff Selingo, a seasoned expert and author who's spent over two decades exploring higher education. We’ll dissect the complexities of the admissions process, the heightened stress it causes students and parents alike, and ponder the crucial question: can anything be done to alleviate this pressure? Join us as we navigate through Jeff’s latest insights and offer a fresh perspective on making the journey to college less daunting. Episode Highlights: [02:41] - Jeff shatters any illusions of an improved admissions scene. [03:16] - Reflecting on the evolution of early decision strategies. [04:49] - How large universities and early action plans are complicating the admissions narrative. [06:19] - Unraveling the strategy game behind early admissions. [09:04] - Discussing the broader implications of the admissions calendar shift. [13:20] - Commercial dynamics of college admissions and the priority list of institutions. [15:43] - The quest for diversity in admissions post-affirmative action. [17:35] - Examining the emotional and mental toll of the admissions process. [19:04] - How colleges desire for a vast applicant pool. [21:56] - Encouraging students to broaden their college search. [23:30] - Debunking the myth of the “perfect applicant”. [26:05] - Exploring alternative narratives and pathways. [26:59] - The contradiction of the college application. [29:25] - Big fish, small pond. [32:58] - The lottery winner’s pressure. [37:38] - The cycle of the same few colleges. [40:13] - Advice to kids in the search and application process. Links & Resources: •Jeff Selingo’s past guest episode on The Self Driven Child: Episode 4: Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo •Jeff Selingo’s Books: Dive deeper into the world of college admissions and student success with Jeff’s insightful publications. https://jeffselingo.com/ •Jeff Selingo’s New York Mag...

The Sleep-Deprived Teen with Lisa L. Lewis

50 min

Listen in as I chat with Journalist Lisa L. Lewis about the importance of sleep for teens. We explore why sleep matters for learning, behavior, and mental health. Lisa also shares her pivotal role in getting California to pass a landmark law on healthy school start times. We covered everything from the science of sleep to practical tips for ensuring our teens get the rest they need. You won't want to miss this episode if you're looking to understand the crucial role sleep plays in your teenager's life and well-being. Lisa L. Lewis is a leading expert on adolescent sleep who played an instrumental role in California passing a first-of-its-kind state law regulating middle and high school start times. Her book "The Sleep-Deprived Teen" is described by Ariana Huffington as "a call to action" and by Daniel Pink as "an urgent and timely read." Episode Highlights: [01:19] The issue with sleep deprivation on children and teens. [03:15] An op-ed Lisa wrote helped catalyze major statewide revolutionary change around school start times in California. [04:57] Lisa’s personal experience with her child in school starting very early in the morning. [05:33] Lisa put on her Journalism hat and researched other schools and the research on sleep deprivation. [12:26] Lisa highlights how being sleep deprived makes learning far more difficult across all stages. [18:17] Beyond duration, irregular sleep seriously sabotages academic performance too. [20:39] Lack of sleep eats away at teens' emotional resilience, exacerbating conditions like anxiety. [25:26] Exploring the challenges and solutions for changing school start times to benefit teen sleep. [30:43] Coordinated statewide change helps bypass complications related to sports scheduling across districts. [37:40] One remarkable example: a Florida school saw disciplinary issues, absentee rates and more improve after start times shifted later. [47:14] The importance of making sleep a family priority for both teens and parents. Links & Re...

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